Anonymous wrote:I've been married for almost ten years, have two children, and have lived through some tough experiences with DH (major health problem, child with special needs for a few years) and through all the usual ups and downs of daily life, work, budget, etc.

I've come to think that the traits that are really crucial for a happy marriage are not all the ones that most people think about. In no particular order:

Temperament is really important. You don't want to go through life with someone moody, overly pessimistic, or easily overwhelmed. How do they handle stress? Fatigue/sleep deprivation? Do they get snappish? Mean? Blame you when things go wrong? How do they handle disappointment? Setbacks?

How do they handle disagreements? How are they during a fight? Do they fight fairly? (not bring up old issues, not call names, listen to your view, try to find solutions, maintain respect, not resort to passive aggressive behavior, etc.) Accept responsibility for their mistakes?

Financially responsible. I wouldn't worry so much about someone who is disorganized or misses payments-- as long as you can be the one who handles the bills. But you don't want someone with a lot emotional issues around money or someone who doesn't share your values about saving and spending or someone who gambles/takes too much risk.

Don't marry someone selfish. Once you have children, especially, you'll want someone who is generous with his energy and time. (My husband is indefatigable in responding to every little request or need my children have-- almost too much so, for their own sake!)

Sexual compatibility-- You should be in the same ballpark regarding desired frequency. The importance of sex will rise and fall over the course of a marriage, but as long as you can talk to each other about your needs and respect your partner, you should be able to work out the details.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'8" and I see what the PP means about wanting to feel "normal" by dating a guy who's taller than her. Shorter women may never have to deal with this, but it can be hard to accept dating a guy who is shorter than you. It can feel "off" somehow. I've found that it helps if the guy is a little bigger/broader, heavier than you, etc. it's sometimes easier to feel feminine around a guy who outweighs you be a lot than with a very short, skinny guy when you're a taller female. We're conditioned to look for a guy who is taller, older, makes more money, etc. - it can be hard to move past that conditioning! (5'9" is about the average height for guys, so maybe leave yourself open to someone who is your height, PP?)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a 30 year old single women, I don't think I am overly picky. But I think a previous poster mentioned height as something that women are picky about. Is it really too picky to not want to be taller than the guy I am dating? For me this is a non-negotiable but maybe that is why I am still single!

If you're 5'3", no, not too pickey at all - the pool is large. If you're 5'11" and eliminating otherwise great guys because of they're 5'10" that's a little silly, right? And why is this so important - or even non-negotiable?

I am the quoted poster and I am 5'9''. I guess I was harsh in saying non-negotiable because If I did find the perfect guy for me except for the height I would let it go and live happily ever after. It is important to me because of the physical aspect I guess, maybe this sounds shallow but as a tall women I have never really been able to have sex standing up so I have always imagined my dream guy would be taller than me and make me feel like a normal woman!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I hate to be the one to say it, but you sound like a Type A person who thinks they are a Type B person. When your travel, do you have a set itinerary or do you make a plan as you go?

As for waiting for strong physical attraction, I personally think that is over rated -- unless you are going to get a per-nuptual agreement in which he agrees to never put on weight, lose his hair, or otherwise age. As you get older, you are going to start to realize that the sexiest thing a guy can do is treat you well, as an equal.

No I am really Type B - I travel with no plan or itinerary at all! I am not career driven, I am a procrastinator and it takes a lot of effort to keep my life organized.

I don't really have an ideal of physical perfection, and once you are with someone and you love them then looks matter even less. It is just that initial attraction to get to the point of being in love with them!