Anonymous wrote:You know, OP, parenting is really hard, and the thing that makes it work is for both parents to be on the same team. There are going to be many instances where you and your DH will have to make decisions together and you might not agree. What happens if he decides that the baby shouldn't be vaxxed? And what about deciding how to split holidays? Is he going to pull this shit every time, refusing to compromise?

Your husband needs to understand that you, him and your child are his primary family unit now and that to be a good father, he needs to do what is best for his FAMILY. You are telling him what is best for you and he is dismissing it. This does not bode well for the future. I urge you to find a way to nip this in the bud. If you need to book a session with a marriage counselor, then do it now rather than waiting for things to fall apart months or years down the road.

I totally agree with the first paragraph - but then you contradict all of the rational and sensible statements in the second. Did two different people write this?

I wrote this. And I stand by it. I think that both parents should put their family first. Their NUCLEAR family, that is. And I think both parents should be willing to compromise. OP is willing to (by having ILs come stay in hotel). DH isn't willing to try. He needs to learn--fast. Professional help is probably the quickest way to learn these skills on an accelerated schedule.

Go stay at your mom's house with the baby. Let him hang with his parents at your house. He sounds like a big jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, OP, parenting is really hard, and the thing that makes it work is for both parents to be on the same team. There are going to be many instances where you and your DH will have to make decisions together and you might not agree. What happens if he decides that the baby shouldn't be vaxxed? And what about deciding how to split holidays? Is he going to pull this shit every time, refusing to compromise?

Your husband needs to understand that you, him and your child are his primary family unit now and that to be a good father, he needs to do what is best for his FAMILY. You are telling him what is best for you and he is dismissing it. This does not bode well for the future. I urge you to find a way to nip this in the bud. If you need to book a session with a marriage counselor, then do it now rather than waiting for things to fall apart months or years down the road.

I totally agree with the first paragraph - but then you contradict all of the rational and sensible statements in the second. Did two different people write this?

Makes perfect sense to me and I agree that this is great advice (both paragraphs). I guess I'm missing the contradiction.

Wow. Okay, haven't read the other comments but I think you are being a little overly dramatic here. I can understand not being thrilled about having the inlaws stay in your house when you are just home with a new baby. That would be tough on me, too. I never get it when people don't want the inlaws there at all though, even staying in a hotel, unless the inlaws are truly awful people. Mine were there and I just excused myself to my room with the baby to go breastfeed or just because I felt like it.

I also think the fact that you planned on having your house even though she is local is laughably ridiculous. You are about to be a mom. Time to grow up and stop depending on your mommy so much. Seriously. She can come over all day every day if you want her to (though that is also ridiculous) but stay with you?? And then you refer to your inlaws displacing your mom? You don't think your DH has a point when he notes that your mom has her OWN HOUSE to stay in?? Okay.

Anonymous wrote:You know, OP, parenting is really hard, and the thing that makes it work is for both parents to be on the same team. There are going to be many instances where you and your DH will have to make decisions together and you might not agree. What happens if he decides that the baby shouldn't be vaxxed? And what about deciding how to split holidays? Is he going to pull this shit every time, refusing to compromise?

Your husband needs to understand that you, him and your child are his primary family unit now and that to be a good father, he needs to do what is best for his FAMILY. You are telling him what is best for you and he is dismissing it. This does not bode well for the future. I urge you to find a way to nip this in the bud. If you need to book a session with a marriage counselor, then do it now rather than waiting for things to fall apart months or years down the road.

I totally agree with the first paragraph - but then you contradict all of the rational and sensible statements in the second. Did two different people write this?

DH should be "son"

OP is compromising. Did you miss the part where she agreed to have them come and stay in a hotel? That's COMPROMISE.

Would you give a shit if your DH was so obviously pooh-poohing his pregnant wife's wishes, though? That's the question--and I think the answer would be NO, given that you are a heinous MIL in training.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but grow the f up.

Got to be a man (or woman) who doesn't have the first clue as to what growing, and birthing a human can do to you mentally and physically

I have a son and one on the way, and I really hope neither one marries such a harpy as this poster and many of the others that have suggested the OP has carte blanche after birth. I had one of the most heinous and painful births imaginable with my son, so I understand childbirth and recovery very well. I could not walk right for two weeks. But I am also a believer on putting yourself in someone else's shoes, and if this is her in-laws first grandchild, and her husband sincerely wants his parents there, how can you not find a compromise? If you love your husband and his family, find a way to accommodate their feelings as well as your own.

You know, OP, parenting is really hard, and the thing that makes it work is for both parents to be on the same team. There are going to be many instances where you and your DH will have to make decisions together and you might not agree. What happens if he decides that the baby shouldn't be vaxxed? And what about deciding how to split holidays? Is he going to pull this shit every time, refusing to compromise?

Your husband needs to understand that you, him and your child are his primary family unit now and that to be a good father, he needs to do what is best for his FAMILY. You are telling him what is best for you and he is dismissing it. This does not bode well for the future. I urge you to find a way to nip this in the bud. If you need to book a session with a marriage counselor, then do it now rather than waiting for things to fall apart months or years down the road.

DH's parents wanted to be around and I didn't want them there, so I made everyone else uncomfortable with my nursing in the living room. I also didn't bother to lift a finger to help with any household duties and basically treated them as my servants, but in a nice way. Three days in and they got a hotel room.

OP, don't table the issue for too long or else they will make their travel arrangements and you'll get steamrolled.

Add me to the posters who think your DH is selfish and out of touch with reality. My DH did NOT particularly want his mom to visit after our DC was born because she is full of drama--I was the one who pushed for it, because I wanted to include her, start things out on the right foot. My only stipulation was that she not be at the hospital until we called her after the baby was born. Then she could come.

Well, she showed up at the hospital and tried to barge into the delivery room, caused a fight with the nurses and got thrown out of L&D, and it was just downhill from there. DC was tongue tied and we had to deal with poor latch and I had to pump and pump and pump for the first few days. My milk would just not come, and my MIL was in my face about it, why couldn't I do it, why wasn't I trying and I was sobbing. I was bleeding all over the place...it wasn't pretty.

And just in general, she created a lot of work: wanted to hold baby all the time and I wasn't comfortable with anyone holding my baby yet. She wanted to give DC her first taste of rice cereal at 5 days and we had a knock down drag out fight over that and I STILL (judging by the opened box I found in our pantry months later) think she might have given it to her on the sly! She wanted to be entertained constantly, complained about being bored, and asked repeatedly for DH to run her errands. Just...NEVER AGAIN.

About an hour after she left on Day 6 my milk finally came in with a vengeance. I think it was stress that made it take so long.

I'm pregnant with my second. We kept both families at bay for 10 days the first time around--great decision.

Reading this thread is making me wish we could do the same this time although we'll really need the help with our toddler.

Stick to your guns OP!

12:58 here..

Another thing, your DH has to realize how much time is going to be spent BFing. New babies eat every 2 hours for up to 50 minutes. That means almost 10 hours of your waking hours are going to be spent feeding your baby. Not much for his parents to see there.

Maybe you could set visiting hours for "Special Events" like bathing the baby, and "Helpful Events" like when you need laundry done or food brought over.. assuming that you can convince them to stay in a hotel.

Sounds like you need to have a "come-to-jesus" with your husband. I went through this but his parents just intruded uninvited and it was a mess. While you may not be topless roaming your home, you will be bleeding like a dog, in pain with an ice pack on your crotch, trying to get the newborn to latch (which if you have trouble requires a lot of skin to skin contact meaning you being the sole person to hold the baby - sometimes topless), savoring the 1oz of breast milk you pump, your hormones will be all kinds of jacked up, and i guarantee (if your house is like my house) needing your space and not wanting to walk past your fil looking like a hot mess while he's watching football on your couch. unless your in-laws are phenomenal at cleaning, cooking and tending to your home only, stand your ground. this time is critical and your emotional well being is more important than his perception of including his parents. put your foot down sister!

You need to put your foot down.

I agree with many of the PPs, I walked around naked for the first week. My mom died a few years ago, so I thought that I would want my mother-in-law to help show me what to do, but the secret is this: The baby will show you what you need to do.

My two cents: don't have ANYBODY stay with you for the first 2 weeks. IL can stay at a hotel, and call mom in as needed. If I could change things, it would have been just DH, me and the baby for the first two weeks with NO visitors.