Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 19:54     Subject: anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I do not know a single person in real life that thinks like the majority of these posters. Yes, we will help pay for our daugther's wedding...hopefully, we will be able to pay for the whole thing like my parents did. I am not spoiled because my parents paid for our wedding. Nor is an amazing evening full of good memories for family and friends a waste of money.


Until the divorce.


Yes, some people get divorced. However, many people also stay married. It would make just as much sense if you said, "Until they celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary."
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 19:44     Subject: anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
Anonymous wrote:My DH and I got a small amount of help from our parents but paid about $20k ourselves for our wedding. About 100 guests, mostly family and close friends. We wanted to be able to remember our wedding as the kind of celebration we wanted with our loved ones, which wasnt cake and punch in the church hall. We wanted to celebrate the start of our life together. So we were as frugal as we could be (I got a secondhand wedding dress for cheaper than Davids Bridal for instance) and bought a lot off of Craigslist and eBay.

And because of that, I am going to help my kids as much as I can, should they want a traditional wedding like we had. It's not my job to dictate how they celebrate the start of their married lives together.

Much like how I plan to pay for as much of my childrens college as we can, because I didn't get much help paying for school from my parents. I know how stressful it can be starting either your life as a married couple or your post-college life with money concerns and love my kids enough to not want that for them if I can help it.


This is my approach, too. We aren't saving for her wedding, but in my mind we will be paying for as much of it as we can. Marriage is so important, and I see nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate with friends and family, which costs money. My parents did end up contributing but initially left me with the impression that they weren't going to pay for anything. Honestly, I was heartbroken since it seemed to cross the T on their disapproval of DH (whom they now love nearly a decade later). It still stings just a little bit.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 19:35     Subject: anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
"So you won't support anything your kids want for themselves that isn't what you would want for them? What if they have different taste in a starter house than you? Will you only pay for a downpayment on a house of which you approve?"

Check out "My House, Your Money" on HGTV.

Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 19:03     Subject: Re:anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Didn't even cross my mind, honestly. Now that I think about it, I decided I will not pay for anything wedding related. If she (they) need money to mount the house, I will happily help with money to buy furniture, silverware, etc. If I have money, I will also help with a down payment to the house.

I won't help with the wedding party itself because I was not raised in this culture - my parents were not married (just had a common law union - with the same rights of married people), and my own wedding was very simple - I had one of those officials come to my home, and it was just my husband, me and my MIL. Then we served cake (from Giant), Champagne and went to have dinner (along with some other relatives) at 429 (sp?), a fancy restaurant in Falls Church.

I also didn't have a prom or college graduation party or even a ceremony - I just walked in to get my diploma later. I never cared about these kind of stuff, and if my daughter turns out to care, she can pay for her own wedding party herself. I think it is a waste of money.


So you won't support anything your kids want for themselves that isn't what you would want for them? What if they have different taste in a starter house than you? Will you only pay for a downpayment on a house of which you approve?


Of course not pp! For a house, they can choose a pink one with purple windows and huge cherry on top for all I care. I will help as much as I can with money. Also for a graduation ceremony/party, but not a wedding. She can pay for that herself - I am not rich nor I will ever be, so the money I have will go towards her house for a down payment. IF I had lots of money and it TRULY didn't make an ounce of difference if I spent 50, 100, 500k in my daughter's wedding, I would also pay for it with pleasure. I don't think it spoils, it is just not something that is in our radar as a family to make sacrifices for it.

Oh, and btw, if I had the money to pay for her wedding, it would be a GIFT and I would not try to dictate WHO or HOW many to invite, etc...
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 19:03     Subject: anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
Brides get married later in life thankfully than they did 1 or 2 generations ago. If they demand an expensive wedding, yet lack their own funds to do so, we have truly failed as parents. Why are so many terrible with money? If I had a dd who demanded money for a renovation, For example, I would tell her to save her pennies! Really, what is next? It's not like it is a life saving operation not covered by insurance. Wow.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 18:57     Subject: anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I do not know a single person in real life that thinks like the majority of these posters. Yes, we will help pay for our daugther's wedding...hopefully, we will be able to pay for the whole thing like my parents did. I am not spoiled because my parents paid for our wedding. Nor is an amazing evening full of good memories for family and friends a waste of money.


Until the divorce.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 18:54     Subject: anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
If we're in a position to contribute we will, but frankly I don't know how we're going to afford college at this point. Heck, we're just worried about day care right now. Saving for my daughter's hypothetical wedding is not a priority.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 18:12     Subject: Re:anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
Anonymous wrote:Didn't even cross my mind, honestly. Now that I think about it, I decided I will not pay for anything wedding related. If she (they) need money to mount the house, I will happily help with money to buy furniture, silverware, etc. If I have money, I will also help with a down payment to the house.

I won't help with the wedding party itself because I was not raised in this culture - my parents were not married (just had a common law union - with the same rights of married people), and my own wedding was very simple - I had one of those officials come to my home, and it was just my husband, me and my MIL. Then we served cake (from Giant), Champagne and went to have dinner (along with some other relatives) at 429 (sp?), a fancy restaurant in Falls Church.

I also didn't have a prom or college graduation party or even a ceremony - I just walked in to get my diploma later. I never cared about these kind of stuff, and if my daughter turns out to care, she can pay for her own wedding party herself. I think it is a waste of money.


So you won't support anything your kids want for themselves that isn't what you would want for them? What if they have different taste in a starter house than you? Will you only pay for a downpayment on a house of which you approve?
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 18:08     Subject: anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
My DH and I got a small amount of help from our parents but paid about $20k ourselves for our wedding. About 100 guests, mostly family and close friends. We wanted to be able to remember our wedding as the kind of celebration we wanted with our loved ones, which wasnt cake and punch in the church hall. We wanted to celebrate the start of our life together. So we were as frugal as we could be (I got a secondhand wedding dress for cheaper than Davids Bridal for instance) and bought a lot off of Craigslist and eBay.

And because of that, I am going to help my kids as much as I can, should they want a traditional wedding like we had. It's not my job to dictate how they celebrate the start of their married lives together.

Much like how I plan to pay for as much of my childrens college as we can, because I didn't get much help paying for school from my parents. I know how stressful it can be starting either your life as a married couple or your post-college life with money concerns and love my kids enough to not want that for them if I can help it.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 17:36     Subject: Re:anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
Pay but have a contract that the groom pays back with interest if there is divorce because of him.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2012 17:04     Subject: anyone else not planning on paying for a daughter's wedding?
Honestly, I do not know a single person in real life that thinks like the majority of these posters. Yes, we will help pay for our daugther's wedding...hopefully, we will be able to pay for the whole thing like my parents did. I am not spoiled because my parents paid for our wedding. Nor is an amazing evening full of good memories for family and friends a waste of money.