Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM who comes home b4 my DH. He comes home at 730 - after dinner and homework almost done. It is a long day for me.

I'd say so. It's one thing to SAHM and have the bulk of the household duties. But working and keeping up with the children and chores is murderous.

I would agree. How do you all do it. Thinking about going back to work and just the thought of all of it gives me terrible anxiety.

I work, handle pick-up from 2 schools, handle all homework, bath, dinner, and bed before DH waltzes in a 8 pm. Sometimes he has been at the gym or Starbucks that day, and I just want to kill him because my life doesn't premit taking 5 minutes for myself. It sucks. I hate it.

Oh, wow. This really sucks and doesn't seem fair. Why do you put up with this? I would have a serious sit down with my DH if this was my life.

I thnk he counts on the fact that I miss my kids so much during the workday that I'll cover for him in the evenings. We have a deal that he wakes with our younger child, then dresses and feeds him. That hour in the morning is supposed to offset what I do in the afternoon and evening. Except that he regularly chastises me for "sleeping in" while he accomplishes those two tasks. The fact is that he would never see our younger child if he didn't pull morning duty. My biggest problem isn't my husband -- it's my colleagues who see me running out the door every afternoon while they stay behind to get the job done. I can't blame them.

Are you and I the same person married to the same man? I could have written this post. He expects a frickin' medal for "taking the morning shift." Yeah, if I wasn't busting my ass every night getting the kids to bed and actually had some time to myself, maybe I wouldn't need so much sleep.

WOW are we all married to the same man? Same here! I give him a little more credit because our son still doesn't STTN, but my DH thinks he should get the purple heart for mornings. Should've married an early riser.

I'm married to him, too. Except I do drop offs and pick ups, in addition to the grocery shopping, dinner, and baths. DH thinks that he can walk in at 8, get the kids out of bed, sit at the table with him while he eats, and then read a story to the kids. By the time the kids are asleep, it's 9 PM. DH is an early riser, but is so F-ing slow that half the time I'm getting DC breakfast, have their clothes ready, and pack their lunches. I'm so mad as I type this--ugh. DH basically washes dishes, takes out the trash, and cleans the kitty litter. He thinks he's a great dad because he takes the kids out for a few hours on the weekend so that I get some rest--but really he thinks that if I'm rested I'll want to have sex with him. And he wonders why I'm never in the mood? And yes, we've discussed this, but every time he gets so angry that I even raise the issue of fairness I've stopped bringing it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM who comes home b4 my DH. He comes home at 730 - after dinner and homework almost done. It is a long day for me.

I'd say so. It's one thing to SAHM and have the bulk of the household duties. But working and keeping up with the children and chores is murderous.

I would agree. How do you all do it. Thinking about going back to work and just the thought of all of it gives me terrible anxiety.

I work, handle pick-up from 2 schools, handle all homework, bath, dinner, and bed before DH waltzes in a 8 pm. Sometimes he has been at the gym or Starbucks that day, and I just want to kill him because my life doesn't premit taking 5 minutes for myself. It sucks. I hate it.

Oh, wow. This really sucks and doesn't seem fair. Why do you put up with this? I would have a serious sit down with my DH if this was my life.

I thnk he counts on the fact that I miss my kids so much during the workday that I'll cover for him in the evenings. We have a deal that he wakes with our younger child, then dresses and feeds him. That hour in the morning is supposed to offset what I do in the afternoon and evening. Except that he regularly chastises me for "sleeping in" while he accomplishes those two tasks. The fact is that he would never see our younger child if he didn't pull morning duty. My biggest problem isn't my husband -- it's my colleagues who see me running out the door every afternoon while they stay behind to get the job done. I can't blame them.

Are you and I the same person married to the same man? I could have written this post. He expects a frickin' medal for "taking the morning shift." Yeah, if I wasn't busting my ass every night getting the kids to bed and actually had some time to myself, maybe I wouldn't need so much sleep.

WOW are we all married to the same man? Same here! I give him a little more credit because our son still doesn't STTN, but my DH thinks he should get the purple heart for mornings. Should've married an early riser.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM who comes home b4 my DH. He comes home at 730 - after dinner and homework almost done. It is a long day for me.

I'd say so. It's one thing to SAHM and have the bulk of the household duties. But working and keeping up with the children and chores is murderous.

I would agree. How do you all do it. Thinking about going back to work and just the thought of all of it gives me terrible anxiety.

I work, handle pick-up from 2 schools, handle all homework, bath, dinner, and bed before DH waltzes in a 8 pm. Sometimes he has been at the gym or Starbucks that day, and I just want to kill him because my life doesn't premit taking 5 minutes for myself. It sucks. I hate it.

Oh, wow. This really sucks and doesn't seem fair. Why do you put up with this? I would have a serious sit down with my DH if this was my life.

I thnk he counts on the fact that I miss my kids so much during the workday that I'll cover for him in the evenings. We have a deal that he wakes with our younger child, then dresses and feeds him. That hour in the morning is supposed to offset what I do in the afternoon and evening. Except that he regularly chastises me for "sleeping in" while he accomplishes those two tasks. The fact is that he would never see our younger child if he didn't pull morning duty. My biggest problem isn't my husband -- it's my colleagues who see me running out the door every afternoon while they stay behind to get the job done. I can't blame them.

Are you and I the same person married to the same man? I could have written this post. He expects a frickin' medal for "taking the morning shift." Yeah, if I wasn't busting my ass every night getting the kids to bed and actually had some time to myself, maybe I wouldn't need so much sleep.

Anonymous wrote:Why would a SAHM's DH work longer or harder than if his wife WOH? Doesn't everyone try to make as much money as possible?

My husband stayed at work a bit longer pre-kids. Now he has to leave at a certain time for daycare pick up. We try to align it so he can swing by and pick me up at the metro, otherwise I can walk and get some exercise in. We are typically all home at 6 pm, sometimes 6:15.

It has not impacted his earning power/ability to move up. His organization is very family-friendly and he has a lot of flexibility with his job, and often works from home after the dinner/bedtime routine. So he works just as much, but is in the office a bit less than before we had kids.

I think that the stereotype of the DCUM SAHM is that her husband is a high earner since it is difficult to have a family on one income around here these days, so some of these husbands work longer at their high-paying jobs, hence the question. Obviously not everyone is a high earner and I'm sure some women would be fine staying home on my husband's salary but since I like my job and can double our family income, and don't want to stay home, then I've decided to be a working mom. I work with a lot of men who are dads married to working wives, and they also do the daycare dash at the end of the day. The ones whose wives stay home do tend to be higher earners and work long hours, though I can think of a few exceptions.

I never know when that stupid drunk will stagger through the door. I've given up wondering anymore.

DH didn't make it home at all last night. I called him at 11pm and he was still working. He slept in his office. I'm not sure I'm going to see him tonight as he's off on a business trip. I don't mind his long hours so much, but my 4 yr old DS gets really upset about not seeing his daddy.

Why would a SAHM's DH work longer or harder than if his wife WOH? Doesn't everyone try to make as much money as possible?

Anonymous wrote:When do you spend quality time with your husbands? My DH and I don't have kids yet and he gets home around 8 pm every night and I feel like we never have quality time together. It really bothers me.

Of course you do. Every single night from 8 until bedtime and the whole weekends! That's tons of time. Once you have kids, I'd say you spend quality time with your spouse, one on one, about once a week.

Anonymous wrote:Wonder what 'burg PPs live in where the DH works until 5ish and yet makes enough to support the whole household?

I know my SAHM sister/BIL can pull that off ... in Omaha. I live in upper NW DC and cannot think of a single male or female who is home from work before 6. And we have the "short" commutes!

I'm home by 5:15 and make $200,000 a year. I have a really short commute - less than 4 miles.

Why is this limited to SAHMs? My DH gets home around 6:30.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When do you spend quality time with your husbands? My DH and I don't have kids yet and he gets home around 8 pm every night and I feel like we never have quality time together. It really bothers me.

It's very tough, especially when kids are young. You really have to make an effort and carve out the time. Take your time because it certainly changes things!

It gets tougher when they are older, and have tons of schoolwork that keep them up past the little ones' bedtime!

But the solution is simple: kids in bed means quality time. So exercise is first thing in the morning, when everyone is still asleep. And at night, if our older kids are still up, we do some unwinding or some chores individually, but also reaching out to each other with kisses and little things like bringing a cup of tea, looking forward to when everything is peaceful. Then we go to bed, lock the door, and made crazy love

Weekends, I try to have all errands run. We do necessary household chores as a family. We have the older kids babysit so we can slip out for dates. We get pizza on Sunday so it is truly my day of rest. And we have morning, afternoon, and evening "cuddling."

^^ sorry for all the typos.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM who comes home b4 my DH. He comes home at 730 - after dinner and homework almost done. It is a long day for me.

I'd say so. It's one thing to SAHM and have the bulk of the household duties. But working and keeping up with the children and chores is murderous.

I would agree. How do you all do it. Thinking about going back to work and just the thought of all of it gives me terrible anxiety.

I work, handle pick-up from 2 schools, handle all homework, bath, dinner, and bed before DH waltzes in a 8 pm. Sometimes he has been at the gym or Starbucks that day, and I just want to kill him because my life doesn't premit taking 5 minutes for myself. It sucks. I hate it.

Oh, wow. This really sucks and doesn't seem fair. Why do you put up with this? I would have a serious sit down with my DH if this was my life.

I thnk he counts on the fact that I miss my kids so much during the workday that I'll cover for him in the evenings. We have a deal that he wakes with our younger child, then dresses and feeds him. That hour in the morning is supposed to offset what I do in the afternoon and evening. Except that he regularly chastises me for "sleeping in" while he accomplishes those two tasks. The fact is that he would never see our younger child if he didn't pull morning duty. My biggest problem isn't my husband -- it's my colleagues who see me running out the door every afternoon while they stay behind to get the job done. I can't blame them.

Your biggest problem is your HUSBAND. Just because you you demand he helps you with childcare in hte evening, it does not mean you love or miss your chiuld any less during hte day. In fact, if he was there to help you, you would be less stressed and would be able to enjoy their company more/better - have some QUALITY time with your kids, instead of just getting the job done ((bath, dinner, homework, bed). Also, you husband would have some quality time with the kids.

About yoru colleagues - do you leaver earlier everyday? If not, yif you leave on time but they stay longer than regular hours, you have nothint to feel guilt about. It is their problem if they want to stay late everyday or often. People have to learn that we must work to live, not live for work.

Also, they were probably in your shoes one day or will be soon. And even if they are not - if they decide not to have children for instance, they still need children to be born and raised, so one day these children will support them through taxes when they are old and need medicare and ss. Or just need the country to keep running. Companies shoujld be more family friendly - I am sure the workes would be happier and more productive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM who comes home b4 my DH. He comes home at 730 - after dinner and homework almost done. It is a long day for me.

I'd say so. It's one thing to SAHM and have the bulk of the household duties. But working and keeping up with the children and chores is murderous.

I would agree. How do you all do it. Thinking about going back to work and just the thought of all of it gives me terrible anxiety.

I work, handle pick-up from 2 schools, handle all homework, bath, dinner, and bed before DH waltzes in a 8 pm. Sometimes he has been at the gym or Starbucks that day, and I just want to kill him because my life doesn't premit taking 5 minutes for myself. It sucks. I hate it.

Oh, wow. This really sucks and doesn't seem fair. Why do you put up with this? I would have a serious sit down with my DH if this was my life.

I thnk he counts on the fact that I miss my kids so much during the workday that I'll cover for him in the evenings. We have a deal that he wakes with our younger child, then dresses and feeds him. That hour in the morning is supposed to offset what I do in the afternoon and evening. Except that he regularly chastises me for "sleeping in" while he accomplishes those two tasks. The fact is that he would never see our younger child if he didn't pull morning duty. My biggest problem isn't my husband -- it's my colleagues who see me running out the door every afternoon while they stay behind to get the job done. I can't blame them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:between 6 and 6:30. But he leaves the house at 6. He arranged with his employer to work on the early side and leave at 5 so we could have family dinner and be home for homework. He is in the office by 7:30/8 and leave by 5 most days.

He commutes 60-90 minutes EACH WAY?!? Seriously?

It's an hour. DC-Potomac. He leaves the house at 6, is in the office at 7, leaves the around 5, sometimes 5:15, and his home between 6/630.