Anonymous
11/22/2012 12:23
Subject: Re:Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
Anonymous wrote:op, I got mad at both. The way I handled my anger with him was, divorce. I do understand that he felt he had his reasons - he was angry with me, felt rejected, blah blah blah. He had his grudges against me. Still doesn't make it OK, but as a human being I get where he was coming from. I will never forgive him for being such a selfish ass and doing this to our family. I'm disappointed and disgusted with him. But, we have to co parent and function so, bygones.
Her? She pretended to be my friend. She was a guest in my home. When she moved here from a warm climate I gave her a warm winter coat. She slept here when her AC was on the fritz. I let her babysit my BABY. We exchanged christmas presents. I gave her rides to the bus stop when she lost her license for DUI. She had no reason to hurt me. She knew he was married, knew he had a baby - and chose to participate in the destruction of my life anyway. I can't understand the selfishness and cruelty of a person who does that. As a woman, as a mother, as a divorcee, I would think she would have a little more sympathy and not destroy another woman like that. Oh, and she liked to go on and on about what a "Christian" she is. (I don't claim to be one).
So yeah, him, I tolerate. Have to for my kids. Her, I hope she will burn in the most fiery pit of hell. Which would be consistent with HER beliefs, as an adulterer. "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder".
Anonymous
11/10/2012 20:46
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
I'm dating a seperated man. The wife wanted me to talk to her. She apologized for him lying to me, and told me that married is still separated- and to leave married men alone.
Anonymous
11/10/2012 11:55
Subject: Re:Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
op, I got mad at both. The way I handled my anger with him was, divorce. I do understand that he felt he had his reasons - he was angry with me, felt rejected, blah blah blah. He had his grudges against me. Still doesn't make it OK, but as a human being I get where he was coming from. I will never forgive him for being such a selfish ass and doing this to our family. I'm disappointed and disgusted with him. But, we have to co parent and function so, bygones.
Her? She pretended to be my friend. She was a guest in my home. When she moved here from a warm climate I gave her a warm winter coat. She slept here when her AC was on the fritz. I let her babysit my BABY. We exchanged christmas presents. I gave her rides to the bus stop when she lost her license for DUI. She had no reason to hurt me. She knew he was married, knew he had a baby - and chose to participate in the destruction of my life anyway. I can't understand the selfishness and cruelty of a person who does that. As a woman, as a mother, as a divorcee, I would think she would have a little more sympathy and not destroy another woman like that. Oh, and she liked to go on and on about what a "Christian" she is. (I don't claim to be one).
So yeah, him, I tolerate. Have to for my kids. Her, I hope she will burn in the most fiery pit of hell. Which would be consistent with HER beliefs, as an adulterer. "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder".
Her? She pretended to be my friend. She was a guest in my home. When she moved here from a warm climate I gave her a warm winter coat. She slept here when her AC was on the fritz. I let her babysit my BABY. We exchanged christmas presents. I gave her rides to the bus stop when she lost her license for DUI. She had no reason to hurt me. She knew he was married, knew he had a baby - and chose to participate in the destruction of my life anyway. I can't understand the selfishness and cruelty of a person who does that. As a woman, as a mother, as a divorcee, I would think she would have a little more sympathy and not destroy another woman like that. Oh, and she liked to go on and on about what a "Christian" she is. (I don't claim to be one).
So yeah, him, I tolerate. Have to for my kids. Her, I hope she will burn in the most fiery pit of hell. Which would be consistent with HER beliefs, as an adulterer. "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder".
Anonymous
11/10/2012 00:45
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think, in a lot of cases, hating the other woman helps them feel better about themselves and less rejected by their husbands/boyfriends.
You sound like an OW.
I'm not PP or an OW, but I think this can also be true. If you're stuck on hating and blaming you don't have to think about what went wrong in the marriage, or why you chose this man, or whether you starved him. He's still the one who made a definitive choice, but there are a lot of people (men and women) who feel righteous about putting their partners in impossible boxes - no sex, no intimacy, no emotional support, whatever - and then don't want to cop to anything when the partner gives up trying to get what he or she needs in the marriage.
Anonymous
11/09/2012 23:55
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
Anonymous wrote:I think, in a lot of cases, hating the other woman helps them feel better about themselves and less rejected by their husbands/boyfriends.
You sound like an OW.
Anonymous
11/09/2012 22:30
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
I think it's kind of a waste of energy to focus on the other woman, but it's also legit. It is a violation of a trust that should be there. Maybe it's old-fashioned, but I'm a feminist, I believe in sisterhood, and colluding with delusional men to lie to their wives doesn't square with that.
Youth is no excuse, either. Even when I was a carefree 20 yo, I knew that a man looking outside his marriage was both too much trouble and not good enough, and was never possible to ignore the reality of his wife. I don't have to know her to know she deserves better.
On the other hand, most people who do crappy things are damaged and weren't raised right. So a woman whose self-image depends on anything other than what she has inside, or who wants any relationship other than a healthy, honest and open one, you know, that's a sorry situation. It's like being mad at your three-year-old for writing on the walls.
Youth is no excuse, either. Even when I was a carefree 20 yo, I knew that a man looking outside his marriage was both too much trouble and not good enough, and was never possible to ignore the reality of his wife. I don't have to know her to know she deserves better.
On the other hand, most people who do crappy things are damaged and weren't raised right. So a woman whose self-image depends on anything other than what she has inside, or who wants any relationship other than a healthy, honest and open one, you know, that's a sorry situation. It's like being mad at your three-year-old for writing on the walls.
Anonymous
11/07/2012 13:37
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
I think, in a lot of cases, hating the other woman helps them feel better about themselves and less rejected by their husbands/boyfriends.
Anonymous
11/07/2012 12:13
Subject: Re:Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
The other woman is just an easy target. You have nothing vested in her like you do your husband. You can paint her as a slut and think she made him do those things. The reality is your issue is with your husband. He made choices. Hell, he may have been the one doing the pursuing. She is just a symptom of what is wrong in your marriage, not the actual problem. Deal with your husband and thie issues in the marriage. The other woman then will be left to rot by the side of the road. Not worth the time or energy.
Anonymous
11/06/2012 20:27
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
OP, please. You are a woman, surely you know.
Anonymous
11/06/2012 20:23
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
Anonymous wrote:I have never blamed my ex's affair and the implosion of our marriage on the other woman (and in this sentence I am talking about the woman he now publicly calls his girlfriend, not the legion of women before her who I found out about after we split). He made the choice to cheat, to lie, to betray our marriage. He is responsible for that choice and it's stupid to blame her for his choices.
That said, I am pissed at her in a very different way. She knew he was married and she and I knew one another before the affair began (they were coworkers). She can't pretend I was some stereotype of a neglectful/evil/unfeeling wife. I just don't understand how she got involved with him and it absolutely colors my interactions with her because I can't respect her. I play nice, never say anything even remotely negative about her in front of my kids, and I even feel a little sorry for her for believing he's not treating her the same way he treated me. But I am definitely not over my pissed off feelings.
Was she a contractor and he staff?
Anonymous
11/06/2012 15:52
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
Anonymous wrote:I have never blamed my ex's affair and the implosion of our marriage on the other woman (and in this sentence I am talking about the woman he now publicly calls his girlfriend, not the legion of women before her who I found out about after we split). He made the choice to cheat, to lie, to betray our marriage. He is responsible for that choice and it's stupid to blame her for his choices.
That said, I am pissed at her in a very different way. She knew he was married and she and I knew one another before the affair began (they were coworkers). She can't pretend I was some stereotype of a neglectful/evil/unfeeling wife. I just don't understand how she got involved with him and it absolutely colors my interactions with her because I can't respect her. I play nice, never say anything even remotely negative about her in front of my kids, and I even feel a little sorry for her for believing he's not treating her the same way he treated me. But I am definitely not over my pissed off feelings.
I'm sorry you went through all that. But even if you were a neglectful, evil wife, he could leave and then start a new relationship. What I don't understand about the "evil wife" story, is WHY people don't think, "hey, what does it say about this guy that he married a loser wife?"
Just saying it is no excuse. Anyway, sounds like ex's new girlfriend got what she deserved, a cheater. Good for you for taking the high road.
Anonymous
11/06/2012 14:41
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
I have never blamed my ex's affair and the implosion of our marriage on the other woman (and in this sentence I am talking about the woman he now publicly calls his girlfriend, not the legion of women before her who I found out about after we split). He made the choice to cheat, to lie, to betray our marriage. He is responsible for that choice and it's stupid to blame her for his choices.
That said, I am pissed at her in a very different way. She knew he was married and she and I knew one another before the affair began (they were coworkers). She can't pretend I was some stereotype of a neglectful/evil/unfeeling wife. I just don't understand how she got involved with him and it absolutely colors my interactions with her because I can't respect her. I play nice, never say anything even remotely negative about her in front of my kids, and I even feel a little sorry for her for believing he's not treating her the same way he treated me. But I am definitely not over my pissed off feelings.
That said, I am pissed at her in a very different way. She knew he was married and she and I knew one another before the affair began (they were coworkers). She can't pretend I was some stereotype of a neglectful/evil/unfeeling wife. I just don't understand how she got involved with him and it absolutely colors my interactions with her because I can't respect her. I play nice, never say anything even remotely negative about her in front of my kids, and I even feel a little sorry for her for believing he's not treating her the same way he treated me. But I am definitely not over my pissed off feelings.
Anonymous
11/06/2012 12:32
Subject: Re:Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's very rare that woman involved in affairs with married men don't know he's married. Like someone mentioned, a ONS sure but an affair that spans months/years? I simply don't buy that argument.
My husband cheated for about a year. Rest assured I was pissed at both and sought to kick both of their asses! Her and I didn't have a relationship prior to the affair, so there was no vested interest in a reconciliation.
This, its easy to hate the other woman bc you do not have to live with her every day and pretend that all is well.
Why is it either/or? For me, of course I was more pissed at my husband. 90% of the anger went to him, but yeah I had some leftover rage for his coworker. She was married with children also. And older than me. So couldn't even blame it on youth.
Anonymous
11/06/2012 12:24
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
Anonymous wrote:DH cheated on me before we had kids and I have to say that I hated them equally. I still have a hatred for her even though I have forgiven my husband (even though I she is not in our lives and I have no idea where she is/what she is doing now).
Our marriage actually a better marriage now. Forced us to face issues that we hadn't addressed. Perhaps I should be thankful it happened because the end result is a pretty darn good marriage now. Still, I can't say that if I saw her walking down the street that I wouldn't trip her/spit in her face/etc.
How long did it take you to get the to good marriage place?
I hadn't thought of spitting in the face. That is pretty mild. I'm generally not a violent person, but have fantasies of taking a bat to the OW's head. It wouldn't be enough to kill her. Would DH still be interested in her if he had to take care of a brain damaged vegetable?
Anonymous
12/01/2011 22:47
Subject: Why do women always get mad at the other woman?
DH cheated on me before we had kids and I have to say that I hated them equally. I still have a hatred for her even though I have forgiven my husband (even though I she is not in our lives and I have no idea where she is/what she is doing now).
Our marriage actually a better marriage now. Forced us to face issues that we hadn't addressed. Perhaps I should be thankful it happened because the end result is a pretty darn good marriage now. Still, I can't say that if I saw her walking down the street that I wouldn't trip her/spit in her face/etc.
Our marriage actually a better marriage now. Forced us to face issues that we hadn't addressed. Perhaps I should be thankful it happened because the end result is a pretty darn good marriage now. Still, I can't say that if I saw her walking down the street that I wouldn't trip her/spit in her face/etc.