Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay/have paid full freight for 4 kids and give generous donations both to the annual fund and the designated financial aid fund. The auction makes me cringe. It's not sour grapes, but the live auction seems to me an ostentatious display of wealth that undermines the school's fundamental values. If you want to support financial aid, you can write a check specifically for that purpose. If you want to have fun and meet other parents, volunteer, go to a game or school play, or host a potluck. And, for the record, all of our kids have or will play varsity sports, and, no, they don't need that fancy athletic center.

Thank you ... this is exactly how I feel and behave.

You won't get nearly the amount of money this way. That is why these auctions exist. People are much happier to part with their money if they are getting something in return along with their tax deduction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that either.

The fundamental values argument is a load.

They're also much happier/more willing to part with their money if they are wasted.

Good post, PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay/have paid full freight for 4 kids and give generous donations both to the annual fund and the designated financial aid fund. The auction makes me cringe. It's not sour grapes, but the live auction seems to me an ostentatious display of wealth that undermines the school's fundamental values. If you want to support financial aid, you can write a check specifically for that purpose. If you want to have fun and meet other parents, volunteer, go to a game or school play, or host a potluck. And, for the record, all of our kids have or will play varsity sports, and, no, they don't need that fancy athletic center.

Thank you ... this is exactly how I feel and behave.

You won't get nearly the amount of money this way. That is why these auctions exist. People are much happier to part with their money if they are getting something in return along with their tax deduction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that either.

The fundamental values argument is a load.

I agree. I don't see any harm in a school setting up a gala event to celebrate giving. I even can see lots of benefits to such a gala event. For example: (1) the fancy atmosphere encourages more people to come to the event, (2) the event celebrates those who give, which encourages more giving, and (3) the other elements of the event all encourage more giving. What's the problem with any of this?

Here's a real-world example: I attended DC's tiny preschool auction a couple years ago. I'd already made my modest cash donation for the year and did not intend on bidding on anything at all. But once I'd had a couple wines, and the festivities were in full swing, I found myself bidding on several items. In the end, I spent far more than I'd planned, and I felt good about it because the money went to a good cause. So what's the harm in that? (Note that this was far from a fancy gala -- most parents wore jeans, and most of the auction items were things like a movie-night package with two tickets, popcorn, and a babysitter for $50 -- but the point still stands.)

It seems like a lot of the complaints here are really just driven by jealousy of people who have more than you (and certainly more than me!).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pay/have paid full freight for 4 kids and give generous donations both to the annual fund and the designated financial aid fund. The auction makes me cringe. It's not sour grapes, but the live auction seems to me an ostentatious display of wealth that undermines the school's fundamental values. If you want to support financial aid, you can write a check specifically for that purpose. If you want to have fun and meet other parents, volunteer, go to a game or school play, or host a potluck. And, for the record, all of our kids have or will play varsity sports, and, no, they don't need that fancy athletic center.

Thank you ... this is exactly how I feel and behave.

You won't get nearly the amount of money this way. That is why these auctions exist. People are much happier to part with their money if they are getting something in return along with their tax deduction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that either.

The fundamental values argument is a load.

Middle-class family here, no financial aid. Have attended several auctions, and bought modest items on the 'silent auction' table--gift certificates at local businesses, etc. I have very happily applauded the wealthy families as they bid up the deluxe items on the live auction. I truly appreciate their generosity. If I had the money, I'd do the same. I heard at interesting thing from a law-firm partner at my school about some of the extravagant items--like dinner for 12 at a deluxe restaurant or a big catered reception at an art gallery. These items are purchased by law-firm partners, and used for firm or client entertainment. The partners are reimbursed for these expenses by the firm.

Anonymous wrote:We pay/have paid full freight for 4 kids and give generous donations both to the annual fund and the designated financial aid fund. The auction makes me cringe. It's not sour grapes, but the live auction seems to me an ostentatious display of wealth that undermines the school's fundamental values. If you want to support financial aid, you can write a check specifically for that purpose. If you want to have fun and meet other parents, volunteer, go to a game or school play, or host a potluck. And, for the record, all of our kids have or will play varsity sports, and, no, they don't need that fancy athletic center.

Thank you ... this is exactly how I feel and behave.

Anonymous wrote:I don't attend the acution and I don't bid because I can't afford to, but I love the auction as a tradition at our school and I appreciate the people with things to donate and people with money to bid. If the whole school were made up of middle-class people like me who pay just the tuition and a small donation each year, it would not be the fantatsic school that it is and we would probably not have applied to attend.

I agree!

I don't attend the acution and I don't bid because I can't afford to, but I love the auction as a tradition at our school and I appreciate the people with things to donate and people with money to bid. If the whole school were made up of middle-class people like me who pay just the tuition and a small donation each year, it would not be the fantatsic school that it is and we would probably not have applied to attend.

The children are not attending the auction so I don't get why everyone is so upset about the message it sends. It really is irrelevant to the children. The wealthy folks at these schools make it all possible for the rest of us. You don't have to bow down to them but for the love of God stop being so oblivious about their contribution and start having a bit more tolerance. Live and let live.

I'm middle class but love to attend the auction. I also work hard to obtain donations from the community businesses. It really is great advertising for the businesses as well so you are not only helping your school but are supported an event that supports local business.

9:23, seems like the answer to that is to propose an alternative and more acceptable, yet still effective, means to raise funds. I don't know what you can do to eliminate the need for funds, since presumably the existing facilities still need to be funded, but perhaps there are some conversations to be had about that also as it relates to new facilities.

9:23, seems like the answer to that is to propose an alternative and more acceptable, yet still effective, means to raise funds. I don't know what you can do to eliminate the need for funds, since presumably the existing facilities still need to be funded, but perhaps there are some conversations to be had about that also as it relates to new facilities.

Yeah, except that "wealth/power/prestige" are not only not the reasons why we chose the school, but not what the school holds itself out to be about. Nor are they the values of the religious/spiritual tradition on which the school is founded. If you love the school that much, you want to see it walk the walk.

Fact is, schools and other organizations would not hold galas/auctions unless they brought in more money than cheaper forms of fundraising. If I could invite all of you nonostentatious people to a potluck, and ask you in private for a substantial and anonymous donation, I can almost guarantee it would not raise the same amount as an auction. It's human nature to be swept up in the group, all contributing to the same cause, to get public recognition, to pick up some nice items (perhaps at a discount) and yes, to dress up, have a nice evening out, and even have an ostentatious display of wealth once in a while. I tend to focus on the end result--but if the process disturbs you, why not skip it, hold a potluck, and raise some funds that way? If you bundled all your potluck checks and had a sit down with someone to present them, I bet they would take your point. If your point is that you don't want to give a donation because you don't like where your money goes, that's a fair point too but I don't get why you are not making that directly rather than going after one particular event.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We pay/have paid full freight for 4 kids and give generous donations both to the annual fund and the designated financial aid fund. The auction makes me cringe. It's not sour grapes, but the live auction seems to me an ostentatious display of wealth that undermines the school's fundamental values. If you want to support financial aid, you can write a check specifically for that purpose. If you want to have fun and meet other parents, volunteer, go to a game or school play, or host a potluck. And, for the record, all of our kids have or will play varsity sports, and, no, they don't need that fancy athletic center.

+1

+2 I find it really tacky, especially with a live auction.

+3 Alas, there are some parents who have lifestyles that are ostentatious displays of wealth (the giant black luxury SUV, the LV purses, 3 carat diamonds, etc.) despite the school's stated values. And let's face it, having your kid at one of these schools is symbolic of wealth/power/prestige for some, even if your family chose the school for other reasons.

However, I have zero doubt that these parents, despite their flashy displays, love the school and love having their kids at the school. They are fund-raising in a way that is in some ways much more effective than asking for checks. Takes all kinds.

If an auction of luxury getaways and goods that offers a swank party for the parents is what brings the money in, I'm for it. How many of you protest the fancy balls that are held to raise money for cancer research?