Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for sharing your wedding experience and your value system. This thread is not all about you.

Thanks for...being a bitch? I'm trying to be thankful here, since it's nearly Thanksgiving and all.

Ugh....you don't get it. But, I agree we all have lots to be thankful for. It still is not all about you.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for sharing your wedding experience and your value system. This thread is not all about you.

Thanks for...being a bitch? I'm trying to be thankful here, since it's nearly Thanksgiving and all.

Thanks for sharing your wedding experience and your value system. This thread is not all about you.

OP, this thread's gotten off-topic, but let me weigh in:

You can't change or influence your DD's in-law's attitudes about contributing. You tried. You could try one last "Would you be willing to contribute to pay for X?" but you may not feel comfortable doing this. I would be a lot more direct with these people myself, but I'm a direct person!

Also, I'm a young'un (30) and got married mid-20s. My parents contributed $5000 to the wedding, DH's parents contributed $2000 (but also hosting a wedding reception in their home country later), and we pitched in about $1000. It was a BEAUTIFUL ceremony, and no one (including us) went into debt to pay for it. I think it's reasonable for you to pay some amount toward DD's wedding, but it's better for her to realize now that there are things that make sense to spend tens of thousands of dollars on (education, a home, etc) and things that don't (a one-day party).

P.S. My parents paid 100% of my education expenses (and my siblings'), so they are neither cheap nor do they dislike me They just think (and I agree) it's a shame to blow $20K on a party!

OP: Grooms parents sound cheap with money and cheap in kindness. I am over 50 and don't give a damn about all these posts about 30 or 40 something people and how their weddings went. From what I have seen, in general, they are also a generation of people who are cheap in more ways than one. It is easy to judge when you have kids that have not reached a certain stage in life.
You sound like loving and caring parents. We also paid for our daughters wedding (it was a financial stretch) and have enjoyed a wonderful relationship with our daughter and son in law and grandchildren. I can't say the same about our son in laws parents.

PP. DH parents did not contribute at all, unless you count mil choking during vows. Anyway we listed them on invitation anyway. I am sure my mom did it bc she didn't want others to know they were not contributing

My parents struggled to get us braces and pay for private HS. They helped as much as they could with college. I still graduated with student loans. For law school I took loans. At age 35 I got married. They gave me a certain amount of money for a wedding or whatever. We used a portion for a wedding. I am so glad I did. It made them happy and is last time our family was all together. It was first family wedding in 10 years. It was wonderful and it was important to them. I am so glad we did it. I will pay student loans until 55 but for our family this worked and made everyone happy. It was important to my parents to pay for wedding. We spent 18k. Flame away people.... Friends and family still talk about how much fun it was and how great it was to have everyone together. Different strokes for different folks.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. I am one of seven. All of us went to private elementary, high school and college. Wait til you get to that point. You should do so well. And, all 4 daughters had their beautiful weddings paid for. Who cares. I mean....really.....who cares if you paid for your wedding or not. Who cares if you have student loans.
Who cares if you are doing the best you can to raise your kids as responsible, caring, ethical adults..... we all do.

Disagree with whom?

Is your point that paying for your daughters' (not kids', daughters') weddings is the litmus test for raising them as responsible, caring, ethical adults?

In other words, it is not ethical or responsible for adults to pay for their own weddings? That parents who do not pay for their adult children's weddings are not caring people?

Is that your point?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People spend their money in different ways. If YOU think my spending $20K on a wedding is a waste, I may say your kid's private school is a waste. Or your jewelry. Or your BMW. Or vacations. Or whatever it is. EVERYONE PRIORITIZES DIFFERENTLY,PEOPLE, and if you say you are without a few "not-so-wise" financial choices in your life, you are lying.

Your comparisons are stupid. Everything except for private school are all tangible goods that hold monetary value. Private school is very valuable for children especially if they live in a low income school district. So your comparisons to a 1 time 4 hour event that doesn't hold future monetary value or the potential for that individual to make more money via a better college or career are stupid.

+1

Anonymous wrote:To all the couples who paid for their own wedding. Your parents sound cheap and selfish. Maybe they don't like who you married and felt it was not worth the investment. Do you also have huge education loans? Sounds like you were not a huge priority. Break the cycle. Parents do not have to provide everything. I can see why a lot of you DCUM parents don't vauee your kids grandparents.

huh??

I disagree. I am one of seven. All of us went to private elementary, high school and college. Wait til you get to that point. You should do so well. And, all 4 daughters had their beautiful weddings paid for. Who cares. I mean....really.....who cares if you paid for your wedding or not. Who cares if you have student loans.
Who cares if you are doing the best you can to raise your kids as responsible, caring, ethical adults..... we all do.

Anonymous wrote:To all the couples who paid for their own wedding. Your parents sound cheap and selfish. Maybe they don't like who you married and felt it was not worth the investment. Do you also have huge education loans? Sounds like you were not a huge priority. Break the cycle. Parents do not have to provide everything. I can see why a lot of you DCUM parents don't vauee your kids grandparents.

DH and I paid for our own wedding. When we got married, we were 40 (him) and 36 (me), and were working professionals. Our parents were retired. Why on earth would we expect them to foot the bill for our party?

My parents put seven kids through expensive private colleges and universities, debt-free, and my mother, who passed away last winter, left almost a million dollars to her seven kids upon her death. She lived in assisted living for several years prior to her death to the tune of almost $10K a month and never asked any of us for a penny towards her bills. Not a dime. She saved and saved and scrimped and paid her own way so as not to be a burden to her children. (Highly unusual among the DCUM grandparents crowd.)

I hardly think any of these choices are "selfish."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The grooms family did the brides maid dresses. "

Huh?

yes, there is someone who knows how to sow

Irony alert!

Anonymous wrote:"The grooms family did the brides maid dresses. "

Huh?

yes, there is someone who knows how to sow

21:49 You proved my point precisely.