Anonymous wrote:Let me give you a partial packing list for our daytrip visits:

Aerosol machine and ampules as our kids have asthma, thermometer, pain relievers and valium for febrile seizures our kids have had, diapers, pull ups, wipes, changing pad, bottles, formula, coloring materials for car, snacks and drinks as DH goes crazy if we can't shut kids up in highway traffic, pacifier, change of clothes for toddler and baby, bibs, stroller and baby Bjorn, mini toddler bed, baby food in jars, kids' coats, hats, and gloves...

This is not everything.

And THIS is not the norm.
I have a kid and don't expect lives to revolve around me or him. That said, I HATE when people make a big deal about remodeling. I JUST. DON'T. CARE.

OP, we've found that having people without kids come to us (we have kids) very easy because then the kids are entertained. They have their toys, their videos, their stuff and they can play while the adults talk. Packing up is pretty easy once you get past the toddler phase, but preschoolers don't do well when they have nothing to do and the adults want to gab. They aren't capable of sitting quietly. If you want the attention of your friends, probably best you come to them. This is of course if you don't want to end the friendship The fact is that most childless couples have absolutely nothing for my kids to do at their house, so I spend my time talking with them while trying to make sure my kids don't touch the Ming vase.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No. She is bothered by it. She just won't tell you because you wouldn't come anyway.

Not sure I understand the negativity directed at my post, but whatever.

My sister has told me she understands. Because - again - her coming here means that she gets to see our parents, brother, nieces and nephews and everybody at once. I've gone to visit my sis in NYC without the kids as well. I just haven't done it with kids and - she says she completely understands.

But maybe I should believe some anonymous poster who doesn't know jack over what my sister has told me. Yeah...I'll go ahead and do that b/c you seem to have an amazing insight into her feelings and my behavior...

I don't think this poster was really targeting you specifically, since she doesn't know your circumstances, but rather the fact that statements like this are pervasive from parents. I now always tell my friends and my sister that it doesn't bother me that I come to see them, they never come to see me, I haven't spent a holiday at my own house in years, etc. But, the truth is that it bugs the hell out of me. I don't bother mentioning it because I don't care to hear their inevitable argument about how they are just too tired, busy, broke to make it work and how if I had kids I would totally understand this. Since, of course, it never occurs to them that the fact that I don't have kids is the very reason I feel emotionally vulnerable and could use a little tlc. If I want to see people, I suck it up and make the effort. But, I am allowed to resent it. Being a parent is an excuse for being a little self-centerd, not a justification for why your behaviour isn't really self-centered at all.

Anonymous wrote:
No. She is bothered by it. She just won't tell you because you wouldn't come anyway.

Not sure I understand the negativity directed at my post, but whatever.

My sister has told me she understands. Because - again - her coming here means that she gets to see our parents, brother, nieces and nephews and everybody at once. I've gone to visit my sis in NYC without the kids as well. I just haven't done it with kids and - she says she completely understands.

But maybe I should believe some anonymous poster who doesn't know jack over what my sister has told me. Yeah...I'll go ahead and do that b/c you seem to have an amazing insight into her feelings and my behavior...

The problem I have staying connected with friends who don't have children isn't so much where to meet -- although that can be hard w/ bed time and nap times -- but the fact that it is so hard to give someone else your attention when also watching your kids. I always walk away from seeing friends feeling sad that I didn't really get to talk to them. I feel like a crappy friend. The only solution to that is occassionally getting together without the kids, which is hard b/c I don't have the time or money to pay a babysitter to see all my friends with frequency...not to mention carving out time for date nights.

OP, can you host a party and invite several people? That way you can use the new kitchen and they very well can't say to meet them elsewhere if you are hosting a party.

That may not work all the time but people may be more inclined to come to a party. There is less pressure there, because they aren't the only ones coming so the day/meal/whatever doesn't revolve around them, and they probably don't have to worry about coming at a specific time, etc.

Oh, and I have one child, and sometimes I love going to other's houses because 1) I don't have to clean or worry about getting food in, hosting, etc., and 2) it's nice to get out of the damn house on the weekends since planning an outing can be hard (easier to go to someone's house). So if you invited us over we'd come!!! Love to see the new kitchen!

Aerosol machine and ampules as our kids have asthma, thermometer, pain relievers and valium for febrile seizures our kids have had, diapers, pull ups, wipes, changing pad, bottles, formula, coloring materials for car, snacks and drinks as DH goes crazy if we can't shut kids up in highway traffic, pacifier, change of clothes for toddler and baby, bibs, stroller and baby Bjorn, mini toddler bed, baby food in jars, kids' coats, hats, and gloves...

You really bring a "mini toddler bed" with you every time you leave the house? Give me a break. I'm in agreement with all those who said the OP needs to understand that kids make friendships more logistically complicated, but this is absurd. No one needs to bring a bed along to have lunch or coffee with a friend! And the rest of the stuff fits in a decent sized diaper bag, so let's try to get over the parental martyrhood complex here.

Anyway, the OP clarified that she's mostly disturbed by her own family's refusal to come to her home, which is a far more justified complaint in my book.

Anonymous wrote:Let me give you a partial packing list for our daytrip visits:

Aerosol machine and ampules as our kids have asthma, thermometer, pain relievers and valium for febrile seizures our kids have had, diapers, pull ups, wipes, changing pad, bottles, formula, coloring materials for car, snacks and drinks as DH goes crazy if we can't shut kids up in highway traffic, pacifier, change of clothes for toddler and baby, bibs, stroller and baby Bjorn, mini toddler bed, baby food in jars, kids' coats, hats, and gloves...

This is not everything.

But, don't you keep most of this in your diaper bag everyday. Since even a quick trip to the store would require you to have the kid's medicine, stuff to change them, appropriate clothing.

I'm not saying that it isn't a hassle to get out of the house, but let's not argue that a trip to a friend's neighborhood or house is entirely and completely different from a trip anywhere and all of us leave the house with our kids on occasion.

Anonymous wrote:

Be frank with them. I say this as a mother of 3 young kids who is hosting Thanksgiving again b/c it truly is easier to have it at my house than at my in-laws. I really do have some sympathy for you, I really do. I pretty much have never visited my sister in NYC (at her place) with my kids b/c it is SOOOO much easier for her and her husband to come down here (other immediate family lives here too). And her tiny little apartment just wouldn't house us all so we'd have to get a hotel room (2 actually) and so on.

This really isn't fair to her. But I truly don't think she is bothered by it. She understands. She has spent enough time with my kids to appreciate that they would last about 10 minutes in her apartment. And she is okay with it. But if she did have a problem, I'd want to know. I'd want her to be straight up and I'd really try to respect that and make more effort.

HTH.

No. She is bothered by it. She just won't tell you because you wouldn't come anyway.

Should point out that we live in a country in which stores close at 6:00 on weekdays and all day on Sundays and emergency 24-hour pharmacies are not easy to find.

Let me give you a partial packing list for our daytrip visits:

Aerosol machine and ampules as our kids have asthma, thermometer, pain relievers and valium for febrile seizures our kids have had, diapers, pull ups, wipes, changing pad, bottles, formula, coloring materials for car, snacks and drinks as DH goes crazy if we can't shut kids up in highway traffic, pacifier, change of clothes for toddler and baby, bibs, stroller and baby Bjorn, mini toddler bed, baby food in jars, kids' coats, hats, and gloves...

This is not everything.