OP here: thank you all for your perspective. I think the overwhelming majority (unanimously) that the driving is unacceptable under any circumstances. I hear a few people say its the norm in their group, but most say its not in the norm. I have a hard time thinking its the norm unless you are very young w/ no kids and/or live in walking distance to a metro. I imagine most people do not live in walking distance to a metro and of that group, how many work in a heavy drinking field and have small children? Or...and this is a frighteningly real possibility: drinking and driving is much, much more common than we would like to think. The point about legal liability and financial disaster does concern me greatly. But I do have a problem with him being drunk and responsible for children. I would not allow my nanny to drink on the job. And there's the issue of our kids seeming him drunk so frequently that worries me, too. I do believe he has a real problem with drinking if only b/c he has a prior DUI (over 10 years ago, but still) and therefore our children are more likely to have a problem, too...so there's reason to be cautious. I don't want this thread to turn into a drinking parents vs nondrinking parent argument. I really just wanted a reality check and a feel for what's the normal range. Thanks.

OP: this is not unusual, and it is not that big of a deal. Your DH needs to be careful with his transportation, but the people on this forum who are lambasting his behavior or suggesting that you separate are way over the line. There are plenty of great parents out there who are capable of having a few drinks and then interacting with their kids and/or putting them to bed. Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good to see the Women's Christian Temperance Union is still holding regular meetings.

Yeah, I have to agree. I really don't see what the big deal is about getting a little buzzed once in a while...

Drinking & driving is something else entirely.

Let's not digress here..I think OP was concerned about her dh coming home and interacting with and taking care of children when drunk, as well as the driving. I'm not opposed to a have a beer or two at a family picnic... but being drunk around your 8 yr old or changing your 2 yr old's diaper under the influence: not cool. Not to mention that he is coming home from work like this on a regular basis, not the annual holiday party or awards dinner...

Sorry, but there's nothing wrong with having 2 (or 3, or 4) beers and "interacting" with your children. If he's coming home once a week like this, and not driving. As far as your "annual holiday party or awards dinner", I have a question: if it's so corrosive and wrong, why is it okay in those circumstances? Wouldn't it be preferable to be with the PP whose spouse hadn't come home after having a beer or two with co-workers "in 25 years"?

Anonymous wrote:Before I had kids, it wasn't unusual for me to come home buzzed at least once a week. (I'm female.) I used to work in heavily-male fields where people made a lot of money and having a few beers after work was just the norm. These days I wouldn't be able to do it because 4/5 nights I have daycare pickup. Sometimes I miss those days but I admit I do feel better in the mornings.

I'd probably take the lead with the kids on the night daddy comes home buzzed and ask him to maybe keep it to once a week? And you get a break another night where he's in charge?

So you find nothing wrong when your 4th grader notices that Daddy can't help him with his homework again tonight because he tied one on again at work?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh doesn't drink so no problem there. I sometimes attend a function and have a couple drinks but nothing beyond slightly buzzed every happens. I think it's tacky to get crappy drunk at a professional function.

It can be tacky. It can also be great fun.

I am sensing that many of the posters in this thread aren't really into fun, though.

Fun? Yes, absolutely. Unprofessional and career limiting? Yes. and likely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good to see the Women's Christian Temperance Union is still holding regular meetings.

Yeah, I have to agree. I really don't see what the big deal is about getting a little buzzed once in a while...

Drinking & driving is something else entirely.

Let's not digress here..I think OP was concerned about her dh coming home and interacting with and taking care of children when drunk, as well as the driving. I'm not opposed to a have a beer or two at a family picnic... but being drunk around your 8 yr old or changing your 2 yr old's diaper under the influence: not cool. Not to mention that he is coming home from work like this on a regular basis, not the annual holiday party or awards dinner...

Before I had kids, it wasn't unusual for me to come home buzzed at least once a week. (I'm female.) I used to work in heavily-male fields where people made a lot of money and having a few beers after work was just the norm. These days I wouldn't be able to do it because 4/5 nights I have daycare pickup. Sometimes I miss those days but I admit I do feel better in the mornings.

I'd probably take the lead with the kids on the night daddy comes home buzzed and ask him to maybe keep it to once a week? And you get a break another night where he's in charge?

Anonymous wrote:Good to see the Women's Christian Temperance Union is still holding regular meetings.

DCUM is full of the most boring people this town has to offer **YAWN**

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: IT gov't contractor

Is he in any sort of biz dev role? I'm in sales to te fed gov and it is pretty much expected that we run hard and play hard. It is not uncommon to take industry people out and shut the bar down. In my space, drunkeness is quite the norm. What is considered acceptable would get most people fired in a different industry.

?

Really? You are taking your government clients out until 3am on work nights? I kinda find that hard to believe. If you are going out to bars that actually fill up with people on weeknights, then you are all probably at least a decade (or many decades) older than the clientele around you. And if you are going out elsewhere you are probably the only people in the bar.

I suppose you have never been to Jacksons in Reston.

Anonymous wrote:Good to see the Women's Christian Temperance Union is still holding regular meetings.

Yeah, I have to agree. I really don't see what the big deal is about getting a little buzzed once in a while...

Drinking & driving is something else entirely.

Anonymous wrote:Dh doesn't drink so no problem there. I sometimes attend a function and have a couple drinks but nothing beyond slightly buzzed every happens. I think it's tacky to get crappy drunk at a professional function.

It can be tacky. It can also be great fun.

I am sensing that many of the posters in this thread aren't really into fun, though.

Dh doesn't drink so no problem there. I sometimes attend a function and have a couple drinks but nothing beyond slightly buzzed every happens. I think it's tacky to get crappy drunk at a professional function.

Good to see the Women's Christian Temperance Union is still holding regular meetings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify, those with the "2 drink rule": How long do you assume it takes to consume those drinks? B/c it matters whether those 2 drinks are consumed in a half hour, one hour, 2 hours or 3 hours. As well as the size and content of the drink. Plus whether you have eaten all day or are just snacking while you drink or are consuming it with a full meal over the course of a meal.

2 of those 'standard' giant vodka martinis at mortons is very different than 2 12 oz cans of light beer.

PP here. DH only drinks beer, he is a bigger guy and food is more important to him than booze. I don't think he has missed lunch a day in his life, and never misses an opportunity for bar food. I don't worry about him drinking liquor, or not eating enough.

For me, you are right, I have to be more cautious because I can go all day without eating much, so even one glass of wine can make me feel buzzed. In those cases, I try to use my best judgement and switch to seltzer. If I have made the decision to go to a work event and drive home, I normally abstain completely or stick with one. It is usually pre-planned that I'm going to hang out a while, and drink a bit more.

PP again. the last sentence of "pre-planning hanging out/drinking more means" that I've planned ahead with DH that I'll likely be cabbing home.

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify, those with the "2 drink rule": How long do you assume it takes to consume those drinks? B/c it matters whether those 2 drinks are consumed in a half hour, one hour, 2 hours or 3 hours. As well as the size and content of the drink. Plus whether you have eaten all day or are just snacking while you drink or are consuming it with a full meal over the course of a meal.

2 of those 'standard' giant vodka martinis at mortons is very different than 2 12 oz cans of light beer.

PP here. DH only drinks beer, he is a bigger guy and food is more important to him than booze. I don't think he has missed lunch a day in his life, and never misses an opportunity for bar food. I don't worry about him drinking liquor, or not eating enough.

For me, you are right, I have to be more cautious because I can go all day without eating much, so even one glass of wine can make me feel buzzed. In those cases, I try to use my best judgement and switch to seltzer. If I have made the decision to go to a work event and drive home, I normally abstain completely or stick with one. It is usually pre-planned that I'm going to hang out a while, and drink a bit more.