Anonymous
Post 10/19/2011 11:01     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Anonymous wrote:
Hello, voice of reason. We'll have to ask you to leave because you're not usually welcome on DCUM.


This.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2011 08:52     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Anonymous wrote:As for why some families would be universally antisleepover, I could see making it a flat rule to avoid the awkwardness of having to implicitly declare which of your kids' friends' parents you trust and which you don't. Or because you have a kid who doesn't do well with soft boundaries. As for whether it is rude to pick up early, I always ask the parents how they would feel about it, and try to make it clear that we won't be offended if they say they'd prefer that we just not attend at all.

And as for the sleepover=college prep argument, I think that's a bit melodramatic. I go far out of my way to give my kids control of and choices about age-appropriate decisions. I really want them to feel confident functioning on their own. Sleepovers are one of only a few times that I err on the side of strictness, because I honestly believe that some of the choices presented to kids at sleepovers are not something they can be expected to make. I would compare it to giving a two-year-old a knife. They are not ready for that responsibility, just as a 12-year-old is probably not ready to choose between drinking with her friends and possible ostracization. I prefer to take that choice out of her hands.


Hello, voice of reason. We'll have to ask you to leave because you're not usually welcome on DCUM.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2011 08:48     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
As for why some families would be universally antisleepover, I could see making it a flat rule to avoid the awkwardness of having to implicitly declare which of your kids' friends' parents you trust and which you don't. Or because you have a kid who doesn't do well with soft boundaries. As for whether it is rude to pick up early, I always ask the parents how they would feel about it, and try to make it clear that we won't be offended if they say they'd prefer that we just not attend at all.

And as for the sleepover=college prep argument, I think that's a bit melodramatic. I go far out of my way to give my kids control of and choices about age-appropriate decisions. I really want them to feel confident functioning on their own. Sleepovers are one of only a few times that I err on the side of strictness, because I honestly believe that some of the choices presented to kids at sleepovers are not something they can be expected to make. I would compare it to giving a two-year-old a knife. They are not ready for that responsibility, just as a 12-year-old is probably not ready to choose between drinking with her friends and possible ostracization. I prefer to take that choice out of her hands.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2011 08:00     Subject: Re:How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
I'm just suggesting you report back after you've sent your kid to college. It's nothing like how your parents raised you or how your roommate's parents raised her.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2011 06:32     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
^^^This.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2011 06:07     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Keep telling yourself that. The first chance your little precious gets to be without mommy breathing down her neck, she's going to go wild.


Please raise a child and send him/her off to college. Then report back.


Not the PP you're responding to, and my kids aren't in college yet. But I can report from my freshman year experience at an Ivy that my Korean-American roommate with extremely strict parents was drunk out of her mind the majority of nights and slept with a variety of boys, in our room and elsewhere (it was just grand, being woken up in the middle of the night by orgasmic sounds). To her credit, it seemed like more than half the dorm was sleeping around amongst themselves and smoking lots of weird stuff for most of the year.
I grew up with pretty laid-back, trusting parents and didn't feel compelled to do any of this. It really felt like going to school with a bunch of little kids who've been freed from their parents' yoke.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2011 23:20     Subject: Re:How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Anonymous wrote:To the "let them live a little" posters griping at the "no sleepover" posters: does that mean that when my DD is invited to your house for a sleepover that you'll turn a blind eye to where your beer/porn/pot is stashed? or whether the kids sneak out of the house? Will you be that "cool" house where the parents let the teens drink in the basement as long as they don't drive? I'm curious about where you're drawing the line.


Not really sure who this is directed to but I'll answer anyway. I think it is really odd, paranoid and controlling to have a flat no sleepovers rule.

We do not have beer in the house and all of our alcohol is in a locked cabinet. The key is in DH's office. We do not have porn in the house. If DH watches it, is on his private laptop and even I don't know about it. Again, laptop is in his office. DH's office is off limits to the kids and it is located directly next to our bedroom. No, we do not turn a blind eye to any inappropriate behaviors. Why would we?

I'm not sure why you equate sleepovers to allowing the kids to drink the in the basement. My kids are not quite middle school age yet but I loved having sleepovers in middle school and high school. We did each other's makeup, painted our nails, made up dances, watched movies, baked cookies, and mostly just giggled and gossiped as girls do.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2011 21:55     Subject: Re:How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
To the "let them live a little" posters griping at the "no sleepover" posters: does that mean that when my DD is invited to your house for a sleepover that you'll turn a blind eye to where your beer/porn/pot is stashed? or whether the kids sneak out of the house? Will you be that "cool" house where the parents let the teens drink in the basement as long as they don't drive? I'm curious about where you're drawing the line.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2011 18:32     Subject: Re:How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Anonymous wrote:I think people who "don't do" sleepovers are paranoid and a little crazy. That said, if you don't do them, then don't do them. Decline the invitation. It's pretty rude to insult the kid by leaving early after eating their food and getting the inevitable goody bag.


So sorry to burst your bubble but the goody bags eventually stop. As do the snacks after the soccer games. The little ones do grow up.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2011 17:42     Subject: Re:How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
I think people who "don't do" sleepovers are paranoid and a little crazy. That said, if you don't do them, then don't do them. Decline the invitation. It's pretty rude to insult the kid by leaving early after eating their food and getting the inevitable goody bag.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2011 11:28     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have great sleepover memories too--learning the dance to Walk Like An Egyptian, watching a Njghtmare on Elmstreet movie and being scared out of my wits, freezing another girl's underwear while she slept, and in 8th grade drinking, watching my friend's parents' porn and sneaking out to make out with boys. Obviously some of these things my parents would not have been psyched to know about. But I turned out fine and am glad my parents did not prevent me from going.


I'm so sorry that I deprived my DD of drinking, watching porn and sneaking out in 8th grade. I wonder if she'll ever recover.


She's still doing it, just not at sleepovers...

I love parents that think everything they disapprove of happens at night. LOL
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2011 00:16     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Anonymous wrote:I have great sleepover memories too--learning the dance to Walk Like An Egyptian, watching a Njghtmare on Elmstreet movie and being scared out of my wits, freezing another girl's underwear while she slept, and in 8th grade drinking, watching my friend's parents' porn and sneaking out to make out with boys. Obviously some of these things my parents would not have been psyched to know about. But I turned out fine and am glad my parents did not prevent me from going.


I'm so sorry that I deprived my DD of drinking, watching porn and sneaking out in 8th grade. I wonder if she'll ever recover.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2011 00:07     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
I have great sleepover memories too--learning the dance to Walk Like An Egyptian, watching a Njghtmare on Elmstreet movie and being scared out of my wits, freezing another girl's underwear while she slept, and in 8th grade drinking, watching my friend's parents' porn and sneaking out to make out with boys. Obviously some of these things my parents would not have been psyched to know about. But I turned out fine and am glad my parents did not prevent me from going.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2011 23:44     Subject: How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers are one of the great memories I have from childhood.


Me too -- but I have to admit, I outgrew sleepovers around 6th grade if not before.

I don't think we were doing sleepovers in middle school. (For the PP who was talking about getting into parent's vodka in 8th grade.)
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2011 23:31     Subject: Re:How do you get out of a sleepover party invite?
Various sleepovers are some of my best childhood memories as well. Almost every weekend over the summer, I'd have a friend over or be at a friend's house.

I had no idea there were people who were against sleepovers. What a bunch of crazies!