I am the poster w/ the cousin who became involved w/drugs at Exeter. My point was in response to the poster who was considering STA but in light of a potential drug culture would consider Exeter, Andover and Deerfield. To clarify my point - It was that while some boarding schools have outstanding reputations, in a few the grade size is so large (basically the same size as a small liberal arts college) that it is easier for a child to fall through the system in terms of going unnoticed with drug usage. When you have 500 students in one grade and no parents, the chances are greater that you won't get caught. I agree that unfortunately many teenagers experiment with drugs, but with hands on parents and smaller student bodies, there is less of a chance a kid will go unnoticed and not get caught. There was zero history of drug abuse in my family, but my cousin was emotionally immature and insecure - vulnerable to peer influence which many teenagers were. He attended the Buckley school in New York before boarding school. He was extremely bright and was accepted into several top boarding schools. Buckley strongly recommended that he attend Groton, but my aunt had her heart set on Exeter. I don't know that he would not have become so involved in drugs if he had attended another school, there is no way to know those things 20/20 hindsight. He also managed to have strong grades at Exeter although he now has admitted that he was getting high daily. There is an old saying (not sure if it's true) that one stops emotionally maturing at the age when they begin daily drug or alcohol abuse. The stakes are high. If I were to consider top tier boarding schools, I would look at Groton, Deerfield, St. Paul's and Hotchkiss, but never Exeter, Andover and Choate which are literally at least twice the grade size.

I think PP is confusing zero tolerance with addiction. Yeah, every school, every single school pretty much, will kick out a student found with drugs. That is zero tolerance. But that says nothing about the kids who don't get caught, who are using and using.

Thank about it, a large minority of kids try drugs in high school, at all schools including the most selective. A large minority of kids do not get kicked out. If you think that the fact that Exeter kicks out kids found with drugs means that there are NO addicts who manage to graduate and NO regular users there, you are completely deluded. To teh point that I am beginning to think you are not for real.

What are you talking about? People get expelled all the time from Exeter for alcohol/drugs and a slew of other things too. It really is zero tolerance and everyone knows it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Caught, the issue is when were they caught. There seems to be whether or not the school should have realized these kids had a problem. But when they were actually caught with drugs they were kicked out.

I don't know of any school that would kick kids out if they had a suspicion the kids were using. They would probably be sued. OP's concern was that the school should have intervened with some supports, and maybe that is true. But once it became a disciplinary issue, they were out of there.

As for people graduating with drug problems, I don't think its common but I do think it happens at every single school in this area.

Well, it says something about the culture at STA and it's not flattering. The other schools we are considering for DS are Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, etc. and those schools have an honor code where students have to report drug use by peers or face expulsion themselves. Granted these are primarily boarding but STA also has a boarding component.

It was well known on my college campus that the kids who went to these boarding schools were the ones with the drugs. If you think they don't have EXACTLY the same issues there as those discussed in this thread, or perhaps even worse, than you are quite naive.

My cousin became seriously involved with drugs at Exeter. Although he did go onto Dartmouth as his addiction became worse and he failed out. If you choose to send your child to boarding schools, best to avoid the ones with 500 students plus per grade (Exeter, Andover & Choate are the ones that I am aware of that are that large).

Anonymous wrote:The other schools we are considering for DS are Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, etc. and those schools have an honor code where students have to report drug use by peers or face expulsion themselves. Granted these are primarily boarding but STA also has a boarding component.

I'm sorry, but this is just nonsense. No student at those schools will be expelled for failing to report drug activity (they'd have to expel half the class!). Yes, those schools have an honor code, but the part that people take seriously is the part about cheating & academic dishonesty, not about drugs/drinking/smoking on campus. All of these schools, boarding and day alike, have some subset of their populations that party. I don't think the problem varies too much in severity among them.

Anonymous wrote:The honor code at my college, Seven Sisters, was a big deal as was it was for DH, who attended one of the service academies.

16:45 here - I hear you; and am sure everyone's experience of this is not the same. That said, as we were looking at schools for DC I could not help but notice that one school had the honor code posted conspicuously on the wall of every classroom and hallway. During a subsequent tour at a different school, I noticed the complete lack of the same, and asked. Their response was that they were a community that had high standards of conduct and performance for all their members, and did not require posters to remind them of who they were. Not bad.

If we want only a good education, we would go public. We live inbounds for TJ. For private school we want more than that.

The honor code at my college, Seven Sisters, was a big deal as was it was for DH, who attended one of the service academies.

Anonymous wrote:

Well, it says something about the culture at STA and it's not flattering. The other schools we are considering for DS are Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, etc. and those schools have an honor code where students have to report drug use by peers or face expulsion themselves. Granted these are primarily boarding but STA also has a boarding component.

It was well known on my college campus that the kids who went to these boarding schools were the ones with the drugs. If you think they don't have EXACTLY the same issues there as those discussed in this thread, or perhaps even worse, than you are quite naive.

Confirmed, in my experience. Boarding school kids, as a population, tend to have more disposable cash, grow up faster, have more freedom, and party harder than their day schooled peers. That was a consideration in not sending DC to board.

FWIW - The honor code at my high school was largely, although not universally, reviled by the student population. At the end of the day, it was nothing more than a tool for clueless adults to encourage gullible students to rat on their peers. One might want to consider whether this is a key trait one wants to instill as a parent. Do we really want to raise a little junior whistle-blowers?

The emphasis on the honor code comes from the school, top down, and judging from this thread (look at the title ), STA is lax in how they deal with drugs/alcohol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Caught, the issue is when were they caught. There seems to be whether or not the school should have realized these kids had a problem. But when they were actually caught with drugs they were kicked out.

I don't know of any school that would kick kids out if they had a suspicion the kids were using. They would probably be sued. OP's concern was that the school should have intervened with some supports, and maybe that is true. But once it became a disciplinary issue, they were out of there.

As for people graduating with drug problems, I don't think its common but I do think it happens at every single school in this area.

Well, it says something about the culture at STA and it's not flattering. The other schools we are considering for DS are Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, etc. and those schools have an honor code where students have to report drug use by peers or face expulsion themselves. Granted these are primarily boarding but STA also has a boarding component.

It was well known on my college campus that the kids who went to these boarding schools were the ones with the drugs. If you think they don't have EXACTLY the same issues there as those discussed in this thread, or perhaps even worse, than you are quite naive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Caught, the issue is when were they caught. There seems to be whether or not the school should have realized these kids had a problem. But when they were actually caught with drugs they were kicked out.

I don't know of any school that would kick kids out if they had a suspicion the kids were using. They would probably be sued. OP's concern was that the school should have intervened with some supports, and maybe that is true. But once it became a disciplinary issue, they were out of there.

As for people graduating with drug problems, I don't think its common but I do think it happens at every single school in this area.

Well, it says something about the culture at STA and it's not flattering. The other schools we are considering for DS are Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, etc. and those schools have an honor code where students have to report drug use by peers or face expulsion themselves. Granted these are primarily boarding but STA also has a boarding component.

If you really believe that the honor code at boarding schools is universally followed, and that the students never drink or do drugs (or at least are quickly expelled), you should probably find some real-life students or recent grads to talk with before you apply.

True. However, some schools actually follow it! Surprise! Surprise! More than others. As a parent, it's good to know which ones. Yes, I do talk to "real-life" students and recent grades. My DH and brothers are alums of some of the schools mentioned and they keep tabs. Believe it or not, the honor code and following it is a big deal at some schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Caught, the issue is when were they caught. There seems to be whether or not the school should have realized these kids had a problem. But when they were actually caught with drugs they were kicked out.

I don't know of any school that would kick kids out if they had a suspicion the kids were using. They would probably be sued. OP's concern was that the school should have intervened with some supports, and maybe that is true. But once it became a disciplinary issue, they were out of there.

As for people graduating with drug problems, I don't think its common but I do think it happens at every single school in this area.

Well, it says something about the culture at STA and it's not flattering. The other schools we are considering for DS are Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, etc. and those schools have an honor code where students have to report drug use by peers or face expulsion themselves. Granted these are primarily boarding but STA also has a boarding component.

If you really believe that the honor code at boarding schools is universally followed, and that the students never drink or do drugs (or at least are quickly expelled), you should probably find some real-life students or recent grads to talk with before you apply.

Anonymous wrote:Caught, the issue is when were they caught. There seems to be whether or not the school should have realized these kids had a problem. But when they were actually caught with drugs they were kicked out.

I don't know of any school that would kick kids out if they had a suspicion the kids were using. They would probably be sued. OP's concern was that the school should have intervened with some supports, and maybe that is true. But once it became a disciplinary issue, they were out of there.

As for people graduating with drug problems, I don't think its common but I do think it happens at every single school in this area.

Well, it says something about the culture at STA and it's not flattering. The other schools we are considering for DS are Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, etc. and those schools have an honor code where students have to report drug use by peers or face expulsion themselves. Granted these are primarily boarding but STA also has a boarding component.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't notice your child is stoned, why would a teacher or a coach? It's not like being drunk, with the tell-tale signs of slurred words; stumbling gait; odor of booze. Students and parents should take responsibility and not try to slough everything off on schools.

Most upper school students at STA spend more time at school, sport activities, & other school-related events than time at home. I dunno blood shot eyes, giggling, slurred speech, stinking of pot, lacking the ability to comprehend, problems with memorization, baggie of weed visible from their khakis' pocket...if my kid's behavior seems off to me, a classroom teacher who also sees him daily would likely recognize that something is wrong and would guess he's probably stoned.

Yes, except for every "symptom" you just described except for "smelling like weed" and having a baggie visible in your khakis" describes the general affect of a lot of ADD/ADHD kids. Some of whom are at STA or other schools. So, again, it would be difficult to tell--and they could smell like it because they are wearing patchouli oil, or because someone near them was doing it. It is a difficult for a school to say something unless the kid is caught red handed.