Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Don't be influenced by all these losers who want your marriage to fail -- if you think you can mend this, then by all means go ahead and do so. Don't listen to the drumbeat of the unhappy. Marriage is for better of worse!

How about this. The marriage is broken. He broke his vows twice. And rather than doing the hard work on himself that was required for reconciliation the first time, he is now a habitual cheater.

This isn't about being bitter and unhappy. This is about a dysfunctional partner who has now demonstrated a pattern of behavior that is unacceptable. I'm happily married, and I am with the posters who suggest she leave now. Life is too short to go through it with someone who doesn't respect you or his own promises.

You want OP to wreck her family so your husband is too scared to stray. You're being very selfish.

Get out NOW! Life is short. Do not waste another moment on this loser, who is also dangerous! Scary!

unless the lease is in OP's name. Can you get out of it earlier? Kick him out?

seriously, the violence you just described, along with everything else, makes this a crystal clear decision. Good luck with your new life, you'll be fine once he is out of it (but do some internal work to make a better choice next time!).

Why are you waiting for your lease to be up? Get out of there and let him pay the rent. When/if he sues you, you argue "constructive eviction" - google it. In the meantime, skedaddle.

As soon as our lease is up, I'm gone. He once got angry when I mentioned getting counseling and put me in a head lock, I tried to get away and he began choking me. He's crazy. Afterwards he begged me to forgive him.

I think I'm finally fed up, because I've never felt so cold towards him before. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. I'm young, and I believe I have a lot going for myself. I'll be just fine.

Anonymous wrote:No we don't own a house together.

ok, sorry, I didn't read the entire thread. For the record, I (a man) do not think this is cool and if you have no house and no kids, then I'd be much more inclined to say kick his ass out.

In my situation, I'd hope my wife wouldn't ruin both of us financially and screw up our parenting over a meaningless fling or two. I wouldn't if she did the same.

No we don't own a house together.

jeeze, so he had his dick wet 3 extra times in 6 years? hardly worth ending a marriage over, losing your house, paying legal fees, seeing your kids half the time, etc. forgive and forget.

well, they've been together 6 years and he's cheated on her with at least 2 women (despite an active sex life), he has anger issues, he's broke (does OP even own a house with him?) and there are no kids.

To me, there's nothing there worth forgiving and forgetting. Not much of a marraige to start with, actually.

Anonymous wrote:I think guys cheat because secretly they are immature. They crave variety, and they want out of the demanding role of day-today father/husband. He is hoping you will take the kids, and let him become a part time parent. A lot of guys (the kind who wouldn't use a prostitute, ewww) do not cheat simply because of lack of opportunity, i.e. nobody cute enough hits on them.
I've told my DH if he ever cheats on me, he gets the kids because it'll be his fault that we are getting divorced. I think it's a pretty good preventive.

exactly. guys cheat based to the extent of opportunity. I've never cheated, but in 5+ years I've only had 2-3 girls pursue me and none were worth it. But I don't travel for work, don't have a lot of girl friends, no hot young women in my neighborhood, etc. Zero opportunity. Which, by the way, is a good thing because I don't "want" to cheat. But back when I was living in Clarendon and/or traveling a lot or going out a lot, I had girls throw themselves at me all the time and rarely did I have the ability to say no. An attractive young girl comes up to you after you had been drinking, and puts her hand on your thigh - you think I can say no to that?

jeeze, so he had his dick wet 3 extra times in 6 years? hardly worth ending a marriage over, losing your house, paying legal fees, seeing your kids half the time, etc. forgive and forget.

I think guys cheat because secretly they are immature. They crave variety, and they want out of the demanding role of day-today father/husband. He is hoping you will take the kids, and let him become a part time parent. A lot of guys (the kind who wouldn't use a prostitute, ewww) do not cheat simply because of lack of opportunity, i.e. nobody cute enough hits on them.
I've told my DH if he ever cheats on me, he gets the kids because it'll be his fault that we are getting divorced. I think it's a pretty good preventive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so jealous - I'm in your same situation but with huge finances intermingled (rental properties) PLUS two kids who would be heartbroken. You are crazy to stay. Sorry, but it's true. Why do you need family in the area? Get an apartment and go live your life. Really, if this was your friend, what would you encourage her to do? Don't waste any more time. This is your LIFE passing you by!!

Me too

OP, please please please leave. It's horrible to go through life scared, wondering when your husband will do it again. You deserve better, and it will be a clean and easy break for you - he'll be a distant memory in ten years.

Me three - recently cheated on mom of two. OMG OP - so glad you're deciding to leave - I would be out in a second. I'd suggest you leave sooner rather than later. Please please please please do not have any children with this man even if you do decide to stay. Your life will be miserable, I promise you. It sounds like you have been coupled for your whole adult life. Stay single for a while, get some counseling, and figure out why you're stuck in this pattern. Best of luck to you.

OP, it seems he has no redeeming qualities -- broke, somewhat irritable -- and there are no kids involved. Many, if not all, of the household-related reasons for staying fall apart now.

Just want to add, PP, that at 27 you are So Young. really. A lot of people don't begin to get settled and ready for marriage until their 30s. After you leave, you need to stay single for a while and do some work to figure out why you put yourself in bad situations. You CAN break the patterns and eventuallly meet someone great. You wil have to do some growing up, some painful self-analysis, and be brave enough to stick it out alone for a while rather than shacking up with someone because you want companionship. Then, when you are ready and happier and have more self knowledge, the right person will enter your life.

so sorry you are going through this. Since you have some time, I would start to think about the financial implications--see a lawyer or legal clinic. Even if *he* makes no money, assets acquired during the marriage (retirement, etc) can be considered marital property.

Anonymous wrote:
Don't be influenced by all these losers who want your marriage to fail -- if you think you can mend this, then by all means go ahead and do so. Don't listen to the drumbeat of the unhappy. Marriage is for better of worse!

Oh God. Don't listen to this, OP. You do what's best for you. Marriage is for as long as it lasts! Half of all marriages end in divorce for a reason! In the old days, people stayed in loveless marriages and cheated or were miserable for the rest of their lives.

Good for you for getting out, OP. You are young. You need some counseling. You are doomed to repeat your mistake if you don't understand your own contribution to the failure of your marriage. Do you choose the same type of men? Do you allow yourself to be manipulated? Whatever the reason, you must go to counseling so you understand what your own part was, and how to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Good luck to you. Kick this loser out of your life. He's not worth dreaming about a future that will never happen. So sorry you are going through this, but you are young, and you have a long future, many kids, and years of a happy marriage ahead of you -- with the right man, not this one.