Anonymous wrote:I cannot BELIEVE the victim blaming that is going on in this thread!

People, this woman was SEXUALLY HARASSED on the metro. Freezing up when someone is harassing you is a totally normal reaction. I bet that a lot of you bragging about your "don't fuck with me face" and calling the OP dumb would freeze up too if you experienced some of the things related in this thread. You want to know why people don't report this kind of behavior more often? Because when they do, people call them dumb and imply that they are responsible for being harassed. If the OP had come here with a story of this guy harassing her and her reaction being "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!", people would be talking about how she didn't know what his intentions were and should have been more polite.

OP, I feel for you. I also seem to attract creeps on public transit. My strategy is usually to ignore them completely or get up and move to another car. It's not hard to get from one car to another when the train stops at a station, but there is always the fear that any kind of rebuff of the harasser on your part will lead to them escalating or going completely crazy.

The bottom line is that it's hard to stand up for yourself when someone makes you feel uncomfortable and trapped, even if you are otherwise confident.

I don't see victim blaming. I see tips people are offering. OP has admitted this is a pattern. We didn't learn about the history of sexual assuault until recently in this thread, most people were responding to the incident originally posted, which was uncomfortable and a great "teachable moment" considering no substantial harm was done. I used to be OP. I put myself in dangerous situations in that I would against my will engage these guys and find myself answering their questions, giving them info about me. I could have been killed. As I've gotten older and more confident, I am not only approached less but I never feel trapped - I feel empowered to cut it off, abruptly, because not every random guy on the metro is deserving of my time, space, and energy.

If you take self defense, a lot of it is not physically learning to hurt someone, a lot of it is simply learning to shout NO repeadedly, to assert yourself, to make your feelings crystal clear. In this case OP should not have screamed but she can learn in the future to assert herself, take control, know that she doesn't have to give her time, space, energy. That is not victim blaming. I agree with your botton line - it is hard. It is why you hear about women being abducted in public in broad daylight, and you think, how could that have happened??? And on the flip side why you hear about attempte rapists or muggers being chased away by something as simple as a woman beating him off with her purse. It's making yourself an easy target vs. a more challenging target. It is not natural for mny of us but it's a skill that must be drilled into you and must be learned or if you want to protect yourself.

Anonymous wrote:If you're attracting creeps, it's something YOU'RE putting out.

insecurity? vulnerability?

It's not blame; it's all about empowering.

By allowing someone to invade your space/personal thoughts, it is indeed making you appear to be a victim.

How hard is it to move? or to tell him to fuck off?

Anonymous wrote:I cannot BELIEVE the victim blaming that is going on in this thread!

People, this woman was SEXUALLY HARASSED on the metro. Freezing up when someone is harassing you is a totally normal reaction. I bet that a lot of you bragging about your "don't fuck with me face" and calling the OP dumb would freeze up too if you experienced some of the things related in this thread. You want to know why people don't report this kind of behavior more often? Because when they do, people call them dumb and imply that they are responsible for being harassed. If the OP had come here with a story of this guy harassing her and her reaction being "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!", people would be talking about how she didn't know what his intentions were and should have been more polite.

OP, I feel for you. I also seem to attract creeps on public transit. My strategy is usually to ignore them completely or get up and move to another car. It's not hard to get from one car to another when the train stops at a station, but there is always the fear that any kind of rebuff of the harasser on your part will lead to them escalating or going completely crazy.

The bottom line is that it's hard to stand up for yourself when someone makes you feel uncomfortable and trapped, even if you are otherwise confident.

You tell a weirdo to f off you might just get physically assaulted.

Anonymous wrote:If you're attracting creeps, it's something YOU'RE putting out.

insecurity? vulnerability?

It's not blame; it's all about empowering.

By allowing someone to invade your space/personal thoughts, it is indeed making you appear to be a victim.

How hard is it to move? or to tell him to fuck off?

Anonymous wrote:I cannot BELIEVE the victim blaming that is going on in this thread!

People, this woman was SEXUALLY HARASSED on the metro. Freezing up when someone is harassing you is a totally normal reaction. I bet that a lot of you bragging about your "don't fuck with me face" and calling the OP dumb would freeze up too if you experienced some of the things related in this thread. You want to know why people don't report this kind of behavior more often? Because when they do, people call them dumb and imply that they are responsible for being harassed. If the OP had come here with a story of this guy harassing her and her reaction being "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!", people would be talking about how she didn't know what his intentions were and should have been more polite.

OP, I feel for you. I also seem to attract creeps on public transit. My strategy is usually to ignore them completely or get up and move to another car. It's not hard to get from one car to another when the train stops at a station, but there is always the fear that any kind of rebuff of the harasser on your part will lead to them escalating or going completely crazy.

The bottom line is that it's hard to stand up for yourself when someone makes you feel uncomfortable and trapped, even if you are otherwise confident.

I'm the poster you're quoting and I'm not sure what you think I'm putting out. Apparently the way to avoid creeps is to put on a hostile face and be absorbed in something else. I do those things. I still get harassed.

And saying "it's not about blame" right after you say "if you're attracting creeps, it's something you're putting out" is completely ridiculous. Do you even know how you sound?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to imagine what it must be like to be a man. Do men ever get accosted by woman in the metro? I guess not. Men are really weird...

Man here. My theory:

The median woman has more neuroses and drama than the median man.

On the other hand, the most fucked up 10-15% of men are WAY more fucked up than the most fucked up 10-15% of women.

You really have no idea what it's like to be a woman. Harrassment and victimization go a bit beyond "neuroses and drama."

If you're attracting creeps, it's something YOU'RE putting out.

insecurity? vulnerability?

It's not blame; it's all about empowering.

By allowing someone to invade your space/personal thoughts, it is indeed making you appear to be a victim.

How hard is it to move? or to tell him to fuck off?

Anonymous wrote:I cannot BELIEVE the victim blaming that is going on in this thread!

People, this woman was SEXUALLY HARASSED on the metro. Freezing up when someone is harassing you is a totally normal reaction. I bet that a lot of you bragging about your "don't fuck with me face" and calling the OP dumb would freeze up too if you experienced some of the things related in this thread. You want to know why people don't report this kind of behavior more often? Because when they do, people call them dumb and imply that they are responsible for being harassed. If the OP had come here with a story of this guy harassing her and her reaction being "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!", people would be talking about how she didn't know what his intentions were and should have been more polite.

OP, I feel for you. I also seem to attract creeps on public transit. My strategy is usually to ignore them completely or get up and move to another car. It's not hard to get from one car to another when the train stops at a station, but there is always the fear that any kind of rebuff of the harasser on your part will lead to them escalating or going completely crazy.

The bottom line is that it's hard to stand up for yourself when someone makes you feel uncomfortable and trapped, even if you are otherwise confident.

I'm aware and alert but never lock eyes with anyone so as not to invite conversation. I won't bury my head in a book because I want to know what's going on around me. I'm not afraid to be called a Bitch and I have certainly been rude, loud, assertive when harassed. I agree with others DO NOT ENGAGE. They will keep pushing to find your boundaries and decide whether you are a good target for more aggressive behavior. What I've found recently is that in teaching my young DD to use manners, I've gone overkill with the lessons on politeness. That has stopped once I recognized it. If a teacher, friend, grandparent asks for a hug and she says no; that's it. She's been told that she doesn't have to hug anyone or let anyone invade her space. It might seem rude at times but I want her to be an assertive woman and I don't buy into the 'be a good little giril' BS that we have been programmed to conform to. You can still be a lady and have manners without being a victim. The best thing I liked about Gift of Fear was BITCH. BOYS I'M TAKING CONTROL HERE. OP, never allow anyone to make you question yourself. The bottom line is self-confidence, you need more of it.

I cannot BELIEVE the victim blaming that is going on in this thread!

People, this woman was SEXUALLY HARASSED on the metro. Freezing up when someone is harassing you is a totally normal reaction. I bet that a lot of you bragging about your "don't fuck with me face" and calling the OP dumb would freeze up too if you experienced some of the things related in this thread. You want to know why people don't report this kind of behavior more often? Because when they do, people call them dumb and imply that they are responsible for being harassed. If the OP had come here with a story of this guy harassing her and her reaction being "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!", people would be talking about how she didn't know what his intentions were and should have been more polite.

OP, I feel for you. I also seem to attract creeps on public transit. My strategy is usually to ignore them completely or get up and move to another car. It's not hard to get from one car to another when the train stops at a station, but there is always the fear that any kind of rebuff of the harasser on your part will lead to them escalating or going completely crazy.

The bottom line is that it's hard to stand up for yourself when someone makes you feel uncomfortable and trapped, even if you are otherwise confident.

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to imagine what it must be like to be a man. Do men ever get accosted by woman in the metro? I guess not. Men are really weird...

Man here. My theory:

The median woman has more neuroses and drama than the median man.

On the other hand, the most fucked up 10-15% of men are WAY more fucked up than the most fucked up 10-15% of women.

DO NOT ENGAGE when your weirdo radar goes off. Move away. Know where the Emergency Button on the train is. Never sit in an empty car.

You were dumb enough to sit through it.

bottom line

I would get off at the next stop and wait for the next train. And always try to stay near other people.

It is hard to imagine what it must be like to be a man. Do men ever get accosted by woman in the metro? I guess not. Men are really weird...

I just say, "Sorry, no speak English."

Anonymous wrote:Be rude next time someone makes you uncomfortable. Get up and walk away, tell them harshly to leave you alone, make a scene if they persist.

Yes....dont be afraid to be rude. When I used to ride the Metro I would put on my "dont f*ck with me, cause you'll regret it face."

OP- put a line for you and your kids- I had my butt held in a metro (it was super confined( this guy was cute AND married- not fun- there is no profile. Just shut off when a stranger approaches you= I mean, I can see a need fro change.. really for you and your kids sake...
(sorry if it's so dramatic but better now than later)