Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a symptom of a bigger issue in current parenting trends:

Kids need experience failures in order to learn how to grow. Yet American parents are increasingly willing and able to step in and prevent their kids from failing.

This is a cheap "blame the parents" strategy that doesn't go deep enough. WHY are parents stepping in to do for their kids what previous generations might've let kids struggle through? Because there's far less time to deal with the consequences of these struggles. When homemaker mom was home to deal with skinned knees and errant sports equipment and running the occasional forgotten lunch to school, it made sense to let kids tinker and try. Now, with most families having two parents working outside the home, life is managed to the details to make sure schedules stay on track and things get done in the limited amount of "free" time parents might have.

It isn't necessarily a choice or a failing on the part of the parent(s).

Anonymous wrote:It's a symptom of a bigger issue in current parenting trends:

Kids need experience failures in order to learn how to grow. Yet American parents are increasingly willing and able to step in and prevent their kids from failing.

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 11, so I'm barely entering the tween zone with him. Maybe my question will come off the same way questions from parents of babies come off to me, when they're like "I'll never let my child go to bed past 8pm" and "just offer them a rainbow of foods and they'll eat what their body requires, it's not that hard for me to do this with my 8 month old, you're just lazy!"

My question is basically, why are teens not allowed the same freedoms and responsibilities that we had when we were younger? I see on this board, and in some cases with the teenagers in our neighborhood, that they aren't allowed to drive more than a few hours away, aren't allowed to babysit past 10pm even on weekends, have parents stay at their sports practices, have their parents coordinating their college apps for them, etc. Obviously this stuff is a few years off for me, but what's changed? I let my 11 year old walk the half a mile to school alone with a friend, on a residential 25mph road with sidewalks and a crossing guard present at the 4 way road intersection he needs to cross to get to the school. Even if it's cold, or rainy, they walk. But barely anyone else does this even on gorgeous days. Kids get driven the half a mile by their parents. On rainy or cold days, the line to drop off in the morning is blocking traffic because it stretches down the 4 lane road that the school is on. Next year they'll be at middle school and the middle school is a mile away as opposed to a half mile away, but also completely on residential roads with one street crossing at a traffic light and his friend's mom has said she won't allow her kid to walk to middle school because of that street crossing. It's disappointing to me but am I in the minority here that I think that walk would be safe and fine, with a friend, at age 12?

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 11, so I'm barely entering the tween zone with him. Maybe my question will come off the same way questions from parents of babies come off to me, when they're like "I'll never let my child go to bed past 8pm" and "just offer them a rainbow of foods and they'll eat what their body requires, it's not that hard for me to do this with my 8 month old, you're just lazy!"

My question is basically, why are teens not allowed the same freedoms and responsibilities that we had when we were younger? I see on this board, and in some cases with the teenagers in our neighborhood, that they aren't allowed to drive more than a few hours away, aren't allowed to babysit past 10pm even on weekends, have parents stay at their sports practices, have their parents coordinating their college apps for them, etc. Obviously this stuff is a few years off for me, but what's changed? I let my 11 year old walk the half a mile to school alone with a friend, on a residential 25mph road with sidewalks and a crossing guard present at the 4 way road intersection he needs to cross to get to the school. Even if it's cold, or rainy, they walk. But barely anyone else does this even on gorgeous days. Kids get driven the half a mile by their parents. On rainy or cold days, the line to drop off in the morning is blocking traffic because it stretches down the 4 lane road that the school is on. Next year they'll be at middle school and the middle school is a mile away as opposed to a half mile away, but also completely on residential roads with one street crossing at a traffic light and his friend's mom has said she won't allow her kid to walk to middle school because of that street crossing. It's disappointing to me but am I in the minority here that I think that walk would be safe and fine, with a friend, at age 12?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm personally afraid of someone calling CPS on us.

I had to fight the school to let my 9.5 year old 4th grader walk home alone. There's a crossing guard and we live 1/5 mile from school (we can see the school from our front door!). This is a quiet neighborhood with sidewalks. Even still, one day last month, the school called me and said my kid was in their office and needed picked up. They hadn't let her walk home and prevented her from doing so. It's insane. I'm still so angry at the administrator for that.

Something that worries me is all the parents who are constantly tracking their kids on their iphones or watches. I think it's mental illness on the parent's part. Half the time that they're checking, kids are in school. Do they think they're abducted from school in the middle of the day?

I unfortunately have to track my high schooler to make sure he doesn’t skip school!

This same thing happened to me a few years ago. I had given my 9 y/o permission to walk home one block from school. Signed all the forms and waivers etc. And then one afternoon I got a call because the security guard wouldn’t let her leave despite having permission. When I got there to get her, the security guard said in front of my DD that a girl should not be walking around alone when it is getting dark. It was December and it was 4:45 pm.

I have also had to fight to get permission to even sign dismissal waivers for my kids when my kids were a little under the age cutoff. One activity literally wouldn’t let me leave to go to the grocery store down the street while my 10 year old was doing the activity. I had to sign a waiver for that.

People worry about CPS. Schools and activities worry about liability. It’s so overblown. Often times I feel like the question of whether the kid can handle doing X is not even discussed or considered. It’s the appearance of things. It’s safety theater. And our kids suffer as a result.

That’s ridiculous and I’m so sorry! My kids public ES releases grades 2-5 out the front door without needing them to have anyone there to get them. So starting at age 7. They only require an adult there for K and 1st who exit out a different door. And even those kids can be picked up by an older grade sibling to walk home if the parents sign a form.

+1
This is my experience as well!

How would the school even know how kids get home?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read some of Lenore Skenazy’s writing on this. That and Jonathan Chait’s book, The Anxious Generation, have motivated me to push against this trend and to give my kids a lot of autonomy and independence in the real world. This is to build confidence but also make the real world more interesting than the virtual one. My 11 y/o gets off the bus in the afternoon and goes to the park with friends. She often walks around our very walkable DC neighborhood by herself or with friends and goes to stores by herself, including to pick up milk etc for us. This summer I’m going to let her start riding the metro or DC bus by herself. To each their own but I am already seeing so much confidence in my kid and it has helped massively with her anxiety. She feels competent and happy. Eliminating all risk is impossible and attempting to do so just creates other risks, like getting sucked into online worlds, IMHO.

You’re going to let an 11 year old girl ride alone on the Metro? Where shootings and stabbing take place and weird men are? Wow. You’re nuts.

Ah I see the judgy anxious person has joined us, commenting on my post and another one. So yes, she will be either riding the metro or bus home from a camp with her younger brother. They have been riding transit with us for years here and I let them navigate whenever we have the time. I am fully confident in their ability to handle this and they are excited for the challenge. To each their own. To me, the “weird men” on the internet are a much more serious concern than a random homeless person talking to themselves on the metro.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm personally afraid of someone calling CPS on us.

I had to fight the school to let my 9.5 year old 4th grader walk home alone. There's a crossing guard and we live 1/5 mile from school (we can see the school from our front door!). This is a quiet neighborhood with sidewalks. Even still, one day last month, the school called me and said my kid was in their office and needed picked up. They hadn't let her walk home and prevented her from doing so. It's insane. I'm still so angry at the administrator for that.

Something that worries me is all the parents who are constantly tracking their kids on their iphones or watches. I think it's mental illness on the parent's part. Half the time that they're checking, kids are in school. Do they think they're abducted from school in the middle of the day?

This same thing happened to me a few years ago. I had given my 9 y/o permission to walk home one block from school. Signed all the forms and waivers etc. And then one afternoon I got a call because the security guard wouldn’t let her leave despite having permission. When I got there to get her, the security guard said in front of my DD that a girl should not be walking around alone when it is getting dark. It was December and it was 4:45 pm.

I have also had to fight to get permission to even sign dismissal waivers for my kids when my kids were a little under the age cutoff. One activity literally wouldn’t let me leave to go to the grocery store down the street while my 10 year old was doing the activity. I had to sign a waiver for that.

People worry about CPS. Schools and activities worry about liability. It’s so overblown. Often times I feel like the question of whether the kid can handle doing X is not even discussed or considered. It’s the appearance of things. It’s safety theater. And our kids suffer as a result.

That’s ridiculous and I’m so sorry! My kids public ES releases grades 2-5 out the front door without needing them to have anyone there to get them. So starting at age 7. They only require an adult there for K and 1st who exit out a different door. And even those kids can be picked up by an older grade sibling to walk home if the parents sign a form.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm personally afraid of someone calling CPS on us.

I had to fight the school to let my 9.5 year old 4th grader walk home alone. There's a crossing guard and we live 1/5 mile from school (we can see the school from our front door!). This is a quiet neighborhood with sidewalks. Even still, one day last month, the school called me and said my kid was in their office and needed picked up. They hadn't let her walk home and prevented her from doing so. It's insane. I'm still so angry at the administrator for that.

Something that worries me is all the parents who are constantly tracking their kids on their iphones or watches. I think it's mental illness on the parent's part. Half the time that they're checking, kids are in school. Do they think they're abducted from school in the middle of the day?

This same thing happened to me a few years ago. I had given my 9 y/o permission to walk home one block from school. Signed all the forms and waivers etc. And then one afternoon I got a call because the security guard wouldn’t let her leave despite having permission. When I got there to get her, the security guard said in front of my DD that a girl should not be walking around alone when it is getting dark. It was December and it was 4:45 pm.

I have also had to fight to get permission to even sign dismissal waivers for my kids when my kids were a little under the age cutoff. One activity literally wouldn’t let me leave to go to the grocery store down the street while my 10 year old was doing the activity. I had to sign a waiver for that.

People worry about CPS. Schools and activities worry about liability. It’s so overblown. Often times I feel like the question of whether the kid can handle doing X is not even discussed or considered. It’s the appearance of things. It’s safety theater. And our kids suffer as a result.

Anonymous wrote:I'm personally afraid of someone calling CPS on us.

I had to fight the school to let my 9.5 year old 4th grader walk home alone. There's a crossing guard and we live 1/5 mile from school (we can see the school from our front door!). This is a quiet neighborhood with sidewalks. Even still, one day last month, the school called me and said my kid was in their office and needed picked up. They hadn't let her walk home and prevented her from doing so. It's insane. I'm still so angry at the administrator for that.

Something that worries me is all the parents who are constantly tracking their kids on their iphones or watches. I think it's mental illness on the parent's part. Half the time that they're checking, kids are in school. Do they think they're abducted from school in the middle of the day?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be specific to where you live. In DC, tons of kids, starting in middle school, ride public buses and Metro to school, often making a transfer or walking a mile or so. Think kids on Capitol Hill commuting to upper NW. They navigate around to get to their after school activities on their own. My kids walk a mile or more to visit friends or go to a specific store, or they might ride bikes or take a bus.

They have so much more freedom than I did as a middle schooler growing up in suburbia.

We drive so little that it's going to be a challenge to get hours behind the wheel to get a license.

I think this is right. Doesn't even have to be DC. We live in Arlington and most kids here by middle school (6th grade for us) are trending way more independent. Walking home from school, walking and biking to friends houses, meeting up to do things independently, taking a bus to get places (which is free for them).

I think this is something to think about very intentionally as a parent and there are parents doing developmentally normal letting the strings go gradually.