Anonymous wrote:This idea that if you don’t give your kid a phone you will block out all the “bad” things, whatever that means to you, is naive and black and white thinking. It’s a cop out.

Parent your kid.

Also the idea that an ipad is fine but a phone is not is very misguided

Two of my nieces were not allowed cell phones but had ipads in their early teen/middle school years (different parents)

Both got involved with all sorts of predatory adults online.

Their parents thought that they were being safer, since one girl was "just" involved in writing groups for young teens/preteens and the other was "just" looking at anime fandom (I know, "safe" anime and fan fiction onlune groups, riiight)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

By high school your kid will be on things like remind, team snap, canvas, etc. All sorts of adults (coaches, teachers. EC leaders) will message them on these platforms and you will have nothing to do with it, which is normal and developmentally appropriate. They will not be texting your kids personal cell number but your kid would likely need some way to see and respond to all these messages in the various parts of their life much like you might need to see messages for your life. They will be treated like independent human beings in high school.

I have my kids logins and check. You should too. Unless they work in the mines or shirt factory, they're still children.

Well no, they are young adults, not children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

By high school your kid will be on things like remind, team snap, canvas, etc. All sorts of adults (coaches, teachers. EC leaders) will message them on these platforms and you will have nothing to do with it, which is normal and developmentally appropriate. They will not be texting your kids personal cell number but your kid would likely need some way to see and respond to all these messages in the various parts of their life much like you might need to see messages for your life. They will be treated like independent human beings in high school.

None of this is appropriate. They aren’t independent. They are in high school. Stop trying to make them into mini adults.

Many of us had gradparents who were fighting in WW2 at 16/17/18, parents fighting in vietnam at 17/18 and ourselves and friends of our generation working to help support our families at 15/16/17/18 while going all over the place with all kinds of people, including 20 somethings and college friends, without our parents having any idea of who we were with or what we were doing.

A high schooler is a mini adult (in training) who barring some developmental special needs, absolutely should be in charge of their own activities, coordinating their schedules, speaking to their teachers and definitely keeping track of their sports and club aps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

By high school your kid will be on things like remind, team snap, canvas, etc. All sorts of adults (coaches, teachers. EC leaders) will message them on these platforms and you will have nothing to do with it, which is normal and developmentally appropriate. They will not be texting your kids personal cell number but your kid would likely need some way to see and respond to all these messages in the various parts of their life much like you might need to see messages for your life. They will be treated like independent human beings in high school.

None of this is appropriate. They aren’t independent. They are in high school. Stop trying to make them into mini adults.

Many of us had gradparents who were fighting in WW2 at 16/17/18, parents fighting in vietnam at 17/18 and ourselves and friends of our generation working to help support our families at 15/16/17/18 while hoing all over the place with all kinds of people, including 20 somethings and college friends, without our parents having any idea of who we were with or what we were doing.

A high schooler is a mini adult (in training) who barring some developmental special needs, absolutely should be in charge of their own activities, coordinating their schedules, speaking to their teachers and definitely keeping track of their sports and club aps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children got phones when they started driving last year. They were some of the last but not the very last in their friend group.

The did have watches starting in 8th grade and they had tablets from 6th.

+1 We are watches until driving. It can do all the communication stuff without the social media garbage.

Have you considered that it might be better for them to get over the novelty of having a cell phone a year or two before they start driving?

Getting your first phone as a new driver sounds like a disastrous recipe for distracted driving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

How do you suggest your high school-aged child communicate with a teacher when they have a question about an assignment, need to reschedule a test, etc.?

+1.

Teachers don't copy parents. I can't even see/communicate with my kid's closed email system in FCPS.

Now, getting your kid to write a cohesive email with actual punctuation and everything not on one line with no greeting or signature? That's a whole new thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Huge red flag for the coaches to cut parents out of comms. That's like the pedo playbook 101

As others have said, parents aren’t included on comms for academics, sports teams, clubs, third-party teams, etc. It becomes standard in high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

How do you suggest your high school-aged child communicate with a teacher when they have a question about an assignment, need to reschedule a test, etc.?

It is necessary. It is not 1995 anymore - plans change on a dime and you want your kid to be in the loop. You're not sitting at home waiting for a landline phone call when plans change, and their generation really isn't doing that.

As others have said, there are apps, updates, changes, group texts deciding plans, etc. etc. It is not appropriate for your kid to be coordinating other kids lives because you refuse to get them a phone. And kids don't check email anymore. In the same way teens today don't text a lot, they REALLY don't email. And an email sent at 4:59pm that the game at 5pm is cancelled means nothing honestly. The quick update in the app that everyone gets a notification for does.

Socially, it becomes more important as they get older. You can (and should) set reasonable boundaries, whether it is what apps they can have or how much time they can spend on either the phone or the apps. But they need to be connected - like it or not, it is how their generation communicates with one another. We sat and waited for the phone to ring, or the email to come, but it's different now. Being the sole holdout really isn't helping them (because who wants to be the kid that never shows up because they never got the update) or you (you drive to point x when the app told you it changed to point b 30 minutes before) in the long run.

If you're worried about the bad stuff, educate yourself first and then educate your kid. That is on you. Teach them to look for bad stuff or creepy behavior and how to respond to it. Because it will happen - whether an unknown number or phone call, or someone says something or sends something inappropriate in a group chat. Just have a talk. You'll feel better and they will be in the loop. And they will eventually be the one who's updating YOU on what's going on. You should look forward to that milestone!!

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes it sound like every kid in FCPS is on a high school sports team.

Mine is in choir and they use Remind. He also texts his friends for group projects, etc. Lastly, he likes having his school email on his phone so he can access it anywhere versus relying on WiFi to fire up his computer.

Why not just set limits? I recently dumbed down my teen's iPhone so they can only access most apps and the web for an hour a day. But they use their phone and text all the time to figure out rides, social stuff, and sports practices. They also use Apple Pay for everything, including school lunch, anytime they go off campus. And they've used Uber Teen a few times in a pickle. There's a lot of space between no phone and a phone with no limits.

Unfortunately, your kid will be a social outcast without a phone. And in FCPS- they text a lot of things about sports so they will not get them.

My kid had a friend in high school with no phone, no watch, nothing. No way to communicate. This kid's parents would call my child to communicate with their kid!! It was bizarro world. To arrange pick ups, tell the kid something, etc. I heard him answer the phone one day...hello Mr. So and So, oh sure and so I asked him about it. Oh yeah, Mr. So and So calls me because Friend isn't allowed to have a phone. Like WTAF. Sir, stop calling my child. Figure out a way to communicate with your own kid.

The world has moved on. There aren't pay phones anymore. I think a watch is fine for a good while but once the kid is farther flung, the watch batteries do die. Get the kid a phone and put limits on it, which is very doable.

We found in HS activities did not have a set ending time. Kids would text when they were done for a ride. I was starting to get texts from other kids about pick ups so I knew you t was time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The high school coaches my kids have been involved with communicate through apps and texts. And they don’t want parent involvement. I don’t know what they’d do with a kid who didn’t have a phone.

And curious how your kids make plans with friends if they don’t have a phone in high school.

Yeah, that is not appropriate. I don't care if an adult reaches out to my kid but I need to be on the communication. It is a basic safety feature. I won't reply, my kid is the one who needs to be communicating but he should not be communicating with an adult solo. That is a huge red flag.

Not solo communication Messages on an app that go to the entire team.

For example, my son’s coach sent a message to the team yesterday that practice moved inside due to heat. It was sent to all the players and coaches, but not to the parents. My 17 year old then told me.

And that is fine. We have told our child that group emails do not have to include us. Emails to his friends, don't include us and never needed to. Solo emails to adults need to include us. The exception is to teachers when using the school approved email address.

Some organizations prohibit adults from communicating only with the child, Scouting America, for pretty obvious reasons, requires that parents are included on emails to an adult in the Troop. If a Scout sends me something and I don't see their parent, I add the parent or the Scoutmaster. It is a hard and fast rule. We flat out tell parents if their kid has received an email from an Adult in Scouts that they were not included on, tell us immediately.

I understand that the cases of abuse are rare events but I know that I can decrease he likelihood of my kid being abused with some guidelines. I don't think being CCed on an email to an adult volunteer for a club or an activity when sending an email to that individual is unreasonable for an 8th grader or a 9th grader. Things shift as kids get older but this topic is about an 8th grader going into 9th grade.

This thread is more broadly about whether kids need a phone in high school. So I get what you're saying, sort of, about 8th and new 9th graders. But this will quickly fall apart the older they get.

My 15 year old is a lifeguard and his supervisor is not copying me on communications with him about his job. I'm trying to imagine your rules being enforced. Your child gets an email about work as a teenager and he replies and copies mom and dad? Super weird. So many other scenarios past age of 15-16 where this is just plain weird. Sorry.

Talk to your children about red flags and grooming and inappropriate contact from adults. They will be communicating with adults without you around in all types of settings. It's not just about emails and phones, as you surely know.