Anonymous wrote:Accusing people of being culture vultures and fetishizing “the other” is uncalled for in the 21st Century. We’re not talking about sex tourism. I like to think of it as an extension of “Vive la differénce.” Why can’t people have a type they like? He’s my type. She’s my type.

The accusations always reek of gatekeeping and insecurity.

It’s 2026. If your “type” is someone from a culture that’s not yours, maybe you need a little self reflection on why that is.

I feel like this is using a really broad brush to paint 'other cultures'.

I am originally from India. My brother's first wife is Cuban-American and his second white American (Portuguese descent). His current GF is white too. The problem my parents had with any of this has more to do with his inability to stay married than whatever the other person's ethnicity is. His second ex-wife is still absolutely adored by all members of the family.

One of my cousins is married to a Mormon. Another is married to someone from China. None of us have ever really cared who anyone is marrying as long as they are good people, who will treat our family respectfully. OP just needs to find a family like ours where the parents are educated and cares more about the person than their color or culture. There are plenty, since half the people around us are marrying outside of their culture.

And no. Not all Mexican women are demure or "spicey" or curvaceous or happily subordinate to the man.

"Why can’t people have a type they like? He’s my type. She’s my type."

Because being someone's type means he likes women who are tall, or who have dark hair, or small breasts, or tiny feet. That's totally different from being into women from Mexico where women come in shapes and sizes and colors.

Maybe people are confusing what OP means by "other cultures."

I'm Latino and Catholic. Born and raised here. My parents might have preferred for me to marry a Latino man, but they just shrugged when I married a White guy from Indiana, and everything went on as usual.

That is completely different from my friends who are devout Jews or those whose parents are from India and expect them to marry someone they semi-arrange for them. In that type of family, parents will usually threaten to withhold an inheritance or support the marriage in any way. They might refuse to continue paying for college or graduate school if their child marries someone from outside their group. It goes far beyond what happens in families like mine where the worst thing to happen is that your mom will be disappointed if your wedding ceremony isn't held in a Catholic church and the priest doesn't conduct the service in Spanish.

OP, go for it with US-born Latinos like me, but avoid getting involved with anyone whose parents have a way to enforce their beliefs on their child. You don't want to be the reason your spouse is estranged from their family and culture.

Accusing people of being culture vultures and fetishizing “the other” is uncalled for in the 21st Century. We’re not talking about sex tourism. I like to think of it as an extension of “Vive la differénce.” Why can’t people have a type they like? He’s my type. She’s my type.

The accusations always reek of gatekeeping and insecurity.

Here is how I see it: people from the old country who lose their shit when their son marries a woman from another culture are basically their own country’s version of MAGA. Not everyone is like that, and you marry into that at your own risk, ok? In fact I have an aunt who doesn’t want her grandson to marry an American (she stated this desire when he was like, 8), and she is, in fact, totally MAGA and as a bonus pro-Netanyahu.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm an American born white man. I dated several foreign born women after my divorce. They weren't conservative. They're very feminist. Their ex husbands couldn't handle their independence and professional success.

I noticed that in some ways they tended to be more conservative than American women. Most of them felt strongly that men should pay for dates, open car doors, etc. Most wore nicer clothes and more makeup than American women with liberal significant professional accomplishments.

The ones from Europe and Latin America have usually had many sexual partners. The ones from Asia and the Middle East usually haven't had all that many.

These were middle aged divorced women.

They’re liberal by their own country’s standards but conservative by American standards. My wife is from Latin America. She’s feminist in that she believes in women’s financial independence, against machismo culture and violence against women (which is a major issue in Latin America). But she’s also against tattooing/body modifications, makes fun of American women for being promiscuous, mocks LGBT’s, thinks the man should earn all the money, and has some racist views on other ethnicities.

how can she be a feminist and want man to make all the money but financial independence for women? lol!
I think it is known as using convenience for anything that suits you.

So much stereotyping. Men from other cultures can be here since three generations or just arrived three years ago with family still back home. They and their families would be at various degrees from their culture and religion.

I am an American woman and here is my opinion -

1. Hispanic guys - usually not very educated and have a blue collar job and struggles with money. They do care about family and ok in another race or cultures but 50/50 if they would go with white woman.

2. Asian Men - usually NO unless the guy is self made and have little pressure from family in China

3. Indian men - low chance if they would marry a white lady. Some of them have but majority won't. Good in family values, raising kids, educated and make ok money but family pressure could be serious.

4. Black men - depends if they are from Africa and if they do marry a white woman then it could be for multiple reasons and one of them is love.

Anonymous wrote:They’re having fun dating you until they marry someone their family approves of. This kind of behavior is tolerated and even encouraged in certain cultures as just young men sowing their wild oats. Know the score and don’t waste your time if marriage is your goal.

This. It’s rare to not go this way.

World is a more diverse place due to ease of travel and increase in immigration, overseas education and global corporations, norms of dating within your own race, religion, caste, denomination, culture, nationality are evolving with time.

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Anonymous wrote:As a woman of color, I'd encourage OP to examine why she is drawn to so many men from other cultures. It's one thing to fall for someone who is a classmate or someone in your pickleball club who happens to be a POC or from another country. But it sounds like you're seeking them out BECAUSE they are from a different culture, and that reeks of culture vulture behavior.

Agree with this. Love is love. And you deal with the mothers-in-law. But talking about years of only dating people outside their culture sounds more like a fetish. Which is a very different thing than just meeting someone at Pickleball and making a go of things, despite the mother-in-law.

DP. Not sure I agree.

It’s kinda trite to simply parrot “love is love.” That’s dodging the issue.

What I mean is: sure, love who you want, but if it’s a man from another culture, and you know his culture will always be biased against you, then you are the one forcing him to choose between love for you and the love between his parents and him (not to mention the rest of the family).

You can demand the simplistic “love is love” thing from white American men, (they have to go along) but it’s probably not ok to do that to multicultural people.

Men with balls who put their wife before mommy can be found in any culture. This is really a personality and character thing.

Men with balls and women with ovaries should be able to simultaneously love their partners and parents and maintain healthy boundaries with all.

Have you ever had a parent who feels the need to control your life? Having healthy boundaries and love for someone whose idea of love is unhealthy to begin with is very, very hard.