Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re probably right not to co-sign the student loan.

But your math is all over the place. After your sister’s scholarship, you first wrote that the rest of the tuition is $31K a year. Is the $10K your mother wants from you over two years or each year?

If it’s over two years, that’s not much more than you’ve been doing in the past, $5000 vs. $3750, only $1250 more per year. If it’s each year, then $31K split among the four of you is $7750, which is $4000 more a year than you’ve been giving.

If you’re willing to get a part-time job, you should be able to make that much working retail one day a week.

Tell your mother and sister what you amount can afford to contribute and then say no to any other requests.

Your sister should get a job and may have to look into deferring her admittance (and hopefully also the scholarship) for a year while she works to save up for her tuition.

OP here.

My sister has a 15k scholarship and admission to VCU. Co-pilot says after the scholarship room and board for 1 year will cost approx $40K – $50K.

She also got into GMU with a 10k scholarship. Co-pilot says with room and board for 1 year the cost is approx $49K – $55K

If she goes to GMU there is a possibility she may get to live with my rich sister at her house. So then the cost for tuition alone would be $29K – $30K.

However my rich sister says she is done having my sister living with her and she and her husband want privacy and to focus on their own little family.

I live in a small apartment by myself and as such cannot have her.

Anonymous wrote:You’re probably right not to co-sign the student loan.

But your math is all over the place. After your sister’s scholarship, you first wrote that the rest of the tuition is $31K a year. Is the $10K your mother wants from you over two years or each year?

If it’s over two years, that’s not much more than you’ve been doing in the past, $5000 vs. $3750, only $1250 more per year. If it’s each year, then $31K split among the four of you is $7750, which is $4000 more a year than you’ve been giving.

If you’re willing to get a part-time job, you should be able to make that much working retail one day a week.

Tell your mother and sister what you amount can afford to contribute and then say no to any other requests.

Your sister should get a job and may have to look into deferring her admittance (and hopefully also the scholarship) for a year while she works to save up for her tuition.

Anonymous wrote:Oh I'm sorry, I see that she's about to graduate from community college. So where exactly does she plan to enroll that is so expensive? Does she not qualify as a resident?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Yep... I'm that PP and can totally relate! So both your mom and sister are a united front with their hands out, trying to manipulate all of you! You need to develop a united front with the rich sister, so that the free-ride sister gets pressured to go back home.

OP here. I appreciate that recommendation. But the issue is a bit more complex as obtaining a US degree will be life changing for her rather than getting a degree from a third world country. So it makes it a bit more high stakes. My father paid for me to come to college and I have benefitted from it and she wants the same experience for our younger sister.

Of course she does. That's understandable. She loves all of her children. I don't think her asking is insane. But I don't think you're obligated to go destitute to get your sister an education. Can't you have an honest conversation with your mother and tell her you just can't do it?

OP here. I think because my mother has never had or managed money she does not understand financial constraints. My father went into debt to pay for my college and my mother says money doesn't matter as long as the end goal is worth while. She also expects my rich sister and I to love and provide for my little sister as if she is our daughter.

I just feel like it is a lot of pressure, especially as I already feel unsettled and vulnerable as a single woman all alone in the US.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Yep... I'm that PP and can totally relate! So both your mom and sister are a united front with their hands out, trying to manipulate all of you! You need to develop a united front with the rich sister, so that the free-ride sister gets pressured to go back home.

OP here. I appreciate that recommendation. But the issue is a bit more complex as obtaining a US degree will be life changing for her rather than getting a degree from a third world country. So it makes it a bit more high stakes. My father paid for me to come to college and I have benefitted from it and she wants the same experience for our younger sister.

Of course she does. That's understandable. She loves all of her children. I don't think her asking is insane. But I don't think you're obligated to go destitute to get your sister an education. Can't you have an honest conversation with your mother and tell her you just can't do it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Yep... I'm that PP and can totally relate! So both your mom and sister are a united front with their hands out, trying to manipulate all of you! You need to develop a united front with the rich sister, so that the free-ride sister gets pressured to go back home.

OP here. I appreciate that recommendation. But the issue is a bit more complex as obtaining a US degree will be life changing for her rather than getting a degree from a third world country. So it makes it a bit more high stakes. My father paid for me to come to college and I have benefitted from it and she wants the same experience for our younger sister.

Of course she does. That's understandable. She loves all of her children. I don't think her asking is insane. But I don't think you're obligated to go destitute to get your sister an education. Can't you have an honest conversation with your mother and tell her you just can't do it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Yep... I'm that PP and can totally relate! So both your mom and sister are a united front with their hands out, trying to manipulate all of you! You need to develop a united front with the rich sister, so that the free-ride sister gets pressured to go back home.

OP here. I appreciate that recommendation. But the issue is a bit more complex as obtaining a US degree will be life changing for her rather than getting a degree from a third world country. So it makes it a bit more high stakes. My father paid for me to come to college and I have benefitted from it and she wants the same experience for our younger sister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

Yeah, yeah...we all have family issues. Some of us don't make lying our reflex, though.

As I said, I ended with no contact as I couldn't play the games in the long run. It was like a rollercoaster that you couldn't get off of. Anyway, if you think nobody lies to you, you'd be surprised to hear that an average person tells 1-2 lies PER DAY. The ones who don't are autists

You're an idiot and a bigot. You also have no idea about people on the spectrum but it didn't stop you from making a deragatory comment.

I never said no one lies to me. I said I make it a point not to lie, especially to my mother. That is well within your control but I don't expect for someone like you to understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Yep... I'm that PP and can totally relate! So both your mom and sister are a united front with their hands out, trying to manipulate all of you! You need to develop a united front with the rich sister, so that the free-ride sister gets pressured to go back home.

OP here. I appreciate that recommendation. But the issue is a bit more complex as obtaining a US degree will be life changing for her rather than getting a degree from a third world country. So it makes it a bit more high stakes. My father paid for me to come to college and I have benefitted from it and she wants the same experience for our younger sister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Yep... I'm that PP and can totally relate! So both your mom and sister are a united front with their hands out, trying to manipulate all of you! You need to develop a united front with the rich sister, so that the free-ride sister gets pressured to go back home.

OP here. I appreciate that recommendation. But the issue is a bit more complex as obtaining a US degree will be life changing for her rather than getting a degree from a third world country. So it makes it a bit more high stakes. My father paid for me to come to college and I have benefitted from it and she wants the same experience for our younger sister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom you'll take care of it.

Then do whatever you want.

Do you just lie to everyone for convenience?

NP. Tbh, I've learned that sometimes with crazy parents and unrealistic demands that's the only option. Younger me was always honest to the fault, the demands just kept going up and up... Nobody here would pay $10K a semester for a sibling's tuition. Immigrants are usually much poorer, so the ask is completely out of touch with reality. College education is not obligatory. What's next? Buy sibling a yacht perhaps?

You can try to spin it any way you like, but the bottom line is that you're just a dishonest, bad person. If you lie with such ease to your own mother instead of just speaking up, that is on you. And it's not crazy to ask family members to pitch in. You don't have to do it, but it is not crazy.

That's cute, but if you don't have immigrant parents like that stay in your lane. In reality honesty just gets you wrapped up in figuring out everybody else's problems and it's never enough. There's always some poor relative who would like something not easily accessible or costly. You'd spend time and money only for the parents to take credit for it. I somehow ended up made responsible for my nephew's education, even though he has parents and grandparents. It's completely crazy to ask a young immigrant to pitch in $20K a year. This sister is an adult, she can move back to her home country where education is cheap or free. It's not like if you don't pay $20K the sister will die!

I AM an immigrant. I deal with it all the time. And I have enough integrity and self respect to not flat out tell my mother I would take care of something, knowing full well it's a lie. Say no if you don't want to or can't do it. That's fine. But justifying your lies is ridiculous. Grow a pair and be an adult.

Hahaha. I've said no plenty of times, particularly when I was young and naive. No doesn't work with all the people, especially some mothers, who think they own you forever. It's either doing what your mother wants, white lies or no contact. I ended up with no contact. I went through all the stages. There. Any other advice? I can bet that the OP's "no" will be like a water off a duck's back. Because a NORMAL person doesn't ask for a $20K free ride a year in the first place. College education is not compulsory, there are MANY way cheaper places to go and study etc. It's not like the sister is kidnapped and it's a life and death situation.

OP here. My sister can go back and resume her college education but she is refusing and says she wants to complete her degree in the US or her life is over.

Yep... I'm that PP and can totally relate! So both your mom and sister are a united front with their hands out, trying to manipulate all of you! You need to develop a united front with the rich sister, so that the free-ride sister gets pressured to go back home.