I think this is not intuitive men. They just don’t care about this holidays. If I didn’t nothing for Fathers Day and no one mentioned it, my husband wouldn’t care and wouldn’t even realize it was was Father’s Day in the first place.

Sometimes kids don’t realize it’s Mother’s Day either. Why would they? Just decide what you want to do, and say, “It’s Mothers Day, we are going to spend the day at the beach.” Or brunch or whatever you want to do. This will typically que them to make a card or something- but if not, you get to enjoy a family day. Don’t be passive aggressive about it

Anonymous wrote:You picked him.

Why is the woman always blamed? How was she to know this? Why not the ire placed on the man? Personally, you need to do less and don't do anything for Father's day. That's a given

To the pp, if it was the man complaining about no gifts for his birthday would you say to him 'you picked her?" No, you would say what a terrible wife!

What has your daughter seen you do for your mother throughout her life? Do you always visit and bring a gift and spend time with her? That role modeling is important.

NP. I thought I got nothing but DS comes home from college today, and he called one day this week (not Sunday) and said he thinks I'll love my Mother's Day gift. Better a week late than never.

Anonymous wrote:I told DH, but I don't think he cares or gets it. It is so weird because he is such a sweet person, but very inconsiderate. Hard to synthesize the two, I just don't get it.

Will talk to DD. I guess from here on out, Mothers Day os on her or it's not happening.

My mother did come to town from few hours away - but to visit a friend. I can't make this up. I just can't.

Op, what did you do for _your_ mom?

No one got me anything. I just say we are going out on Mother’s Day and no one can complain about the fact we are going or the restaurant choice because it is mother day. Then we do that. It’s at least once I can get them to go out as a family.

My xH was like this. One Mother’s Day when I got nothing (I was also the breadwinner and did everything at home), I left, checked myself into a nice hotel, and spent 3 days there. Came home to flowers and a gift certificate to a spa.

I don’t buy this excuse that you’re not their mother. Men I’ve dated since we divorced have celebrated Mother’s Day for me. I know male business owners who will buy flowers for all their mom clients for Mother’s Day. It’s literally SO easy to do something nice, and it helps the relationship.

SIX SEVENNN

My husband and I made a pact before we have kids. We think these holidays are basically commercial cash grabs with limited historical basis. Have you heard of Sweetest Day? That's sort of known where I live and used to be printed on Hallmark calendars. Because they sold cards for it.

On Mother's Day and Father's Day, we acknowledge the sentiment by offering thanks. We may or may not do an activity if we feel like it. But there is no personal service or gift-giving attached to the holiday.

It's preferable to be respectful, living, and helpful to parents all the time, not just on one special day.

Anonymous wrote:Another thought. Give them back their energy. Don't do everything for them. Father's Day? What Father's Day?

DP. I did this once for Father’s Day. I wasn’t being passive aggressive. He had literally told me multiple times that he doesn’t care about these holidays or understand why people celebrate them. My own parents were out of town, and I was busy with other things, so I didn’t do anything. I figured that he didn’t care anyway, so what was the point?

He told me later that night that it was actually kind of hard on him that we didn’t do anything. That he didn’t feel sad exactly, but he felt kind of empty inside and a little disappointed. He has made sure to acknowledge Mother’s Day and my birthday every year since then.

I’m not sure if it would have worked out that way if it had been passive aggressive or I was angry with him. He probably would have acted like he didn’t care. It’s hard to be vulnerable with someone who is mad at you.

So I don’t know, maybe just do something for your dad on Father’s Day and see how it works out. Maybe your husband will be relieved, and you don’t have to worry about it anymore. Maybe he will feel sad and empathize with how you feel. At least you will know where things stand.

Living in sin is the new thing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told DH, but I don't think he cares or gets it. It is so weird because he is such a sweet person, but very inconsiderate. Hard to synthesize the two, I just don't get it.

Will talk to DD. I guess from here on out, Mothers Day os on her or it's not happening.

My mother did come to town from few hours away - but to visit a friend. I can't make this up. I just can't.

Sounds like yet another husband on the spectrum. Why are people constantly surprised about this? This is who they are. Take the good with the bad and stop expecting them to act out of character.

Give me a break. He’s not on the spectrum. Don’t make excuses because that perpetuates the myth that men can’t do better. This is typical behavior for men raised in our culture of casual misogyny and sexism. OP’s husband is not “sweet.” He’s taking advantage of OP and he knows it. But he’s been brought up to believe women don’t mind or even deserve to do all emotional labor in a family and get nothing in return. Wake up.

Anonymous wrote:My husband gave me nothing for Mother's Day. He worked until 8pm then came home at 830pm. I called him shocked he left me nothing. He said he would pick up at card when came home (like home around 9pm then). I said forget it. Teen daughter did nothing either, but, at least she is just a typical self centered teen. I am the breadwinner, I work 6 to 7 days a week, I am the cook, maid, shopper, I just cannot believe this. I am so sad.

You spoiled them. You have to make the family think any one of those things is a major achievement. Also your kid is a teen, why isn’t she the cook and maid?

Plan what you want to do in advance and make it known. I agree it is not for DH to give you a gift on mother’s Day.

My kids have always don’t something special DH has never done anything. Make your own happiness - don’t rely on someone else. If you tell DH what you want and he does it, he cares. He didn’t have to do it- many husbands won’t. Doesn’t matter that you had to tell him if he does it, he cares. Or just do it yourself. Seriously

Anonymous wrote:Another thought. Give them back their energy. Don't do everything for them. Father's Day? What Father's Day?

That's so passive. Do you want to be a childish, passive person?

I didn't get anything for Mother's Day. If I want something, I ask for it. Also, some years are better than others. If you don't have an off year, you'll never have a great one!