Some men only want what they can't have, and when they have it, they don't want it or appreciate it. I think this is an unfixable personality disorder.

OP, you're doing yourself a disservice by wondering "why". Drop it. It's just keeping drama alive.

Anonymous wrote:Personally I’d just be breezy and aloof. Treat him like a friendly acquaintance. “Sure, thanks! If I’m not home you can just leave on the porch.” And then put it out of your mind.

Also if you’ve been divorced for a year, and you had multiple mothers days where he did nothing during your marriage- that makes your daughter at least 4 or so, right? She’s old enough to pick out a card or a gift for you.

+1. He's doing this for a reaction and to keep you on the hook. If you refuse then this turns into you not being cordial or cooperative. I just wouldn't give him the ammo. I think grey rock in this case is the above.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm naive, but it could be that he feels bad for the way he treated you on some level and is trying to make amends, since you both will need to co-parent for many more years together. Can you just say thanks and not make a big deal of it either way?

OP. If he feels bad, he can man up and actually apologize to me.

We co-parent fine. I’m not rude or cold to him, I just avoid contact outside of kid stuff. I never talk bad about him in front of DD.

The guy cheated on you three times and never bought you a present for all the years you were together but THIS is what you're upset about?

NP. What’s the “this” you’re referring to? That she prefers a sincere apology over a pint of ice cream on her front porch? Yeah. I would too.

Who cares??
Ignor
Theres zero obligation to figure out the why as his ex

Manipulation.

I’m sorry OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one knows what he means but him. Don’t ask him what he means. If he wanted to say something he would.

But still, open your heart and consider it as a gesture of goodwill as any gift from someone is. Don’t be too excited, rather remain coolly polite and continue to keep your distance. Let him keep showing you that he has changed and has become more thoughtful, loving, attentive so that you may be able to reconcile one day.

BARF. Someone who cheated three times on his wife is NOT reconciliation material.

God could say the same thing about us and yet He’s always there waiting to reconcile us to Himself if we choose it. Reconciliation is always possible. Maybe not now, but one day.

Bye!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm naive, but it could be that he feels bad for the way he treated you on some level and is trying to make amends, since you both will need to co-parent for many more years together. Can you just say thanks and not make a big deal of it either way?

OP. If he feels bad, he can man up and actually apologize to me.

We co-parent fine. I’m not rude or cold to him, I just avoid contact outside of kid stuff. I never talk bad about him in front of DD.

The guy cheated on you three times and never bought you a present for all the years you were together but THIS is what you're upset about?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding your chronology.

He ignored mother's day for years while you ere married.

Last year, when your daughter must have been 1, you were already divorced.

Now, your daughter is at most 2, because 3 year olds are all about the presents and you say she's too young to benefit from being involved in gift giving.

Were you expecting him to celebrate mother's day before your only child was born?

I’m not Op but if she was pregnant, YES.

You're nuts

Narcissistic move. Narcs like to cheat and also like to look like a great, nice person so. Maybe ignoring is the best solution. Donate the gifts somewhere. Or wrap them up and give them back to him for Father's Day lol.

Anonymous wrote:Personally I’d just be breezy and aloof. Treat him like a friendly acquaintance. “Sure, thanks! If I’m not home you can just leave on the porch.” And then put it out of your mind.

Also if you’ve been divorced for a year, and you had multiple mothers days where he did nothing during your marriage- that makes your daughter at least 4 or so, right? She’s old enough to pick out a card or a gift for you.

This is the way. If he’s trying to pin you down for a coordinated handoff, just play dumb. “Oh I don’t know, I’ll be in and out all day. It’ll be safe on the porch, thanks!”

Anonymous wrote:I know you said your daughter is young but maybe he is trying to establish a habit for himself. One of my friends who is divorced believes strongly that it’s important to make a big deal of Mother’s Day and his ex-wife’s birthday because he wants to show his sons how the mother of your children deserves to be acknowledged. It’s not intended to stalk or manipulate in any way, just to model good behavior.

I don’t know OP’s ex so I can’t speak to his motivations, but there are definitely logical reasons that could exist.

OP. I actually do know couples that do this, and I think it’s great for the kids and shows a lot of maturity.

However, I have a hard time believing xH is doing it for those reasons. And even if he was, it feels like a slap in the face - he wants to show our DC how I should be treated after years of cheating (among other things, like not helping out at home or paying bills)? Like a couple presents can undo all of that?

I just don’t want anything to do with him. I’m ignoring his text for now and hoping he drops the issue.

I know you said your daughter is young but maybe he is trying to establish a habit for himself. One of my friends who is divorced believes strongly that it’s important to make a big deal of Mother’s Day and his ex-wife’s birthday because he wants to show his sons how the mother of your children deserves to be acknowledged. It’s not intended to stalk or manipulate in any way, just to model good behavior.

I don’t know OP’s ex so I can’t speak to his motivations, but there are definitely logical reasons that could exist.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding your chronology.

He ignored mother's day for years while you ere married.

Last year, when your daughter must have been 1, you were already divorced.

Now, your daughter is at most 2, because 3 year olds are all about the presents and you say she's too young to benefit from being involved in gift giving.

Were you expecting him to celebrate mother's day before your only child was born?

OP. DD is 5; I said she was too young to really understand what it is, not that she’s too young to benefit from gift giving. Of course it’s fun for her to pick out gifts for someone else, but it’s not like an older kid where they can understand the holiday and ask dad “why don’t we get mom something?”.

I also seriously doubt he’s doing it for DD’s benefit, as he seems to find parenting overwhelming and isn’t into going above and beyond.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm naive, but it could be that he feels bad for the way he treated you on some level and is trying to make amends, since you both will need to co-parent for many more years together. Can you just say thanks and not make a big deal of it either way?

OP. If he feels bad, he can man up and actually apologize to me.

We co-parent fine. I’m not rude or cold to him, I just avoid contact outside of kid stuff. I never talk bad about him in front of DD.