Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg Zara Gary and her entire family are Trump loving, immigrant hating hypocrites. Her shtick based on Indian mom stereotypes is so tired and pathetic. Her daughter gushes over Usha Vance, saying she made it permissible for Indian women to date white men. Hideous!

I'm not a Zarna fan but is what she's saying about her experience at HM valid? That's what I want to understand.

I posted above about my DS having a great experience at HM. We don't find favoritism to be a thing there, and overall the community has been warm, supportive, and friendly.

Zarna's experience is valid for Zarna, and she clearly has strong feelings about it. It's also clear that she had specific expectations about college placement, and I would offer that being hyper-focused on just a handful of "acceptable" colleges as the end goal is probably not a great platform from which to make decisions about your child's education.

If you're looking at HM for your DC, go on a tour and try to assess for yourself how you feel about the school and how your child may or may not thrive there.

Well, she is not unlike most Indians in chasing prestige as the only viable outcome.
So her priorities and expectations would definitely be different than another parent who has different priorities and expectations for the HM experience.

It's only bad when the brown people do it.

No, I can’t stand it no matter the race. Some of us are thrilled with Middlebury and Michigan. The parents who are Ivy or bust are exhausting.

And yet you specifically mentioned her ethnicity - I wonder why.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg Zara Gary and her entire family are Trump loving, immigrant hating hypocrites. Her shtick based on Indian mom stereotypes is so tired and pathetic. Her daughter gushes over Usha Vance, saying she made it permissible for Indian women to date white men. Hideous!

I'm not a Zarna fan but is what she's saying about her experience at HM valid? That's what I want to understand.

I posted above about my DS having a great experience at HM. We don't find favoritism to be a thing there, and overall the community has been warm, supportive, and friendly.

Zarna's experience is valid for Zarna, and she clearly has strong feelings about it. It's also clear that she had specific expectations about college placement, and I would offer that being hyper-focused on just a handful of "acceptable" colleges as the end goal is probably not a great platform from which to make decisions about your child's education.

If you're looking at HM for your DC, go on a tour and try to assess for yourself how you feel about the school and how your child may or may not thrive there.

Well, she is not unlike most Indians in chasing prestige as the only viable outcome.
So her priorities and expectations would definitely be different than another parent who has different priorities and expectations for the HM experience.

It's only bad when the brown people do it.

No, I can’t stand it no matter the race. Some of us are thrilled with Middlebury and Michigan. The parents who are Ivy or bust are exhausting.

It’s hard to know how good these schools are because so many people tutor their kids — is the tutoring because the kid needs it to keep up or are they tutoring because they don’t have a good teacher or are they tutoring because the school has bought into newfangled learning ideas that don’t actually work all that well and that say they are based on “science” when they really aren’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg Zara Gary and her entire family are Trump loving, immigrant hating hypocrites. Her shtick based on Indian mom stereotypes is so tired and pathetic. Her daughter gushes over Usha Vance, saying she made it permissible for Indian women to date white men. Hideous!

I'm not a Zarna fan but is what she's saying about her experience at HM valid? That's what I want to understand.

I posted above about my DS having a great experience at HM. We don't find favoritism to be a thing there, and overall the community has been warm, supportive, and friendly.

Zarna's experience is valid for Zarna, and she clearly has strong feelings about it. It's also clear that she had specific expectations about college placement, and I would offer that being hyper-focused on just a handful of "acceptable" colleges as the end goal is probably not a great platform from which to make decisions about your child's education.

If you're looking at HM for your DC, go on a tour and try to assess for yourself how you feel about the school and how your child may or may not thrive there.

Well, she is not unlike most Indians in chasing prestige as the only viable outcome.
So her priorities and expectations would definitely be different than another parent who has different priorities and expectations for the HM experience.

It's only bad when the brown people do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg Zara Gary and her entire family are Trump loving, immigrant hating hypocrites. Her shtick based on Indian mom stereotypes is so tired and pathetic. Her daughter gushes over Usha Vance, saying she made it permissible for Indian women to date white men. Hideous!

I'm not a Zarna fan but is what she's saying about her experience at HM valid? That's what I want to understand.

I posted above about my DS having a great experience at HM. We don't find favoritism to be a thing there, and overall the community has been warm, supportive, and friendly.

Zarna's experience is valid for Zarna, and she clearly has strong feelings about it. It's also clear that she had specific expectations about college placement, and I would offer that being hyper-focused on just a handful of "acceptable" colleges as the end goal is probably not a great platform from which to make decisions about your child's education.

If you're looking at HM for your DC, go on a tour and try to assess for yourself how you feel about the school and how your child may or may not thrive there.

Well, she is not unlike most Indians in chasing prestige as the only viable outcome.
So her priorities and expectations would definitely be different than another parent who has different priorities and expectations for the HM experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not so uncommon for kids to switch schools for high school, even if they are at a K-12. I've certainly heard of other families leaving for SHSAT or screened publics for high school. I think if you're not rich and are full pay at a private and your kid can get into a good public then it might be worth it to switch. You can save money for college and probably have plenty of money for private college counselors. In high school you also have to be more concerned with who your kid is spending time with and things like partying and drugs. I might prefer to have my kid at a good public and around other smart, hardworking kids of diverse backgrounds. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some gatekeeping at some of these schools. I have heard that it happens at Trinity. Seems to me moving from HM to BS is not such a crazy choice.

I agree with this. I think people are not getting that going to a TT private K-8 helped a lot of these families get in to a SHSAT public school. It also helps they have the funds for tutoring and extra classes, and also helps that the can pay extra for a good college exmissions counselor. So I take the "switch" with a grain of salt. Honestly I bet their children would have gotten in to any school they wanted even if they stayed at HM. And they obviously used money to help get them in to schools from public.

Stuy and Bx Sci former parent.
My kids were public all the way.
I think I spent under 950 per child for one week of intensive SHSAT tutoring because there were no summer camp options in the last week of August. They said it was a waste of time because the classes were dumbed down for the lowest performer.
No private tutoring for anything else.

No college counselor except the bad ones provided by the schools.
One kid at UVA the other at LSE. One of them refused to show us their application and we were completely in the dark during the college app process.

If your child needs a lot of tutoring and hand-holding, they dont really belong at these schools as real life will be a continual struggle unless they will be equipped with life coaches and therapists to shepherd them for the next few decades.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg Zara Gary and her entire family are Trump loving, immigrant hating hypocrites. Her shtick based on Indian mom stereotypes is so tired and pathetic. Her daughter gushes over Usha Vance, saying she made it permissible for Indian women to date white men. Hideous!

I'm not a Zarna fan but is what she's saying about her experience at HM valid? That's what I want to understand.

I posted above about my DS having a great experience at HM. We don't find favoritism to be a thing there, and overall the community has been warm, supportive, and friendly.

Zarna's experience is valid for Zarna, and she clearly has strong feelings about it. It's also clear that she had specific expectations about college placement, and I would offer that being hyper-focused on just a handful of "acceptable" colleges as the end goal is probably not a great platform from which to make decisions about your child's education.

If you're looking at HM for your DC, go on a tour and try to assess for yourself how you feel about the school and how your child may or may not thrive there.

Are your kids in middle/high school? Or lower? I've heard that these issues don't pop up until middle school level.

I would also ask if your family is hooked in some way - data points are data points but it matters where the anecdote is coming from.

He’s a senior.

Anonymous wrote:The person I knew at Horace Mann who left was astronomically wealthy and didn’t want their kid to grow up to be a shit. The Headmaster was pumping them for money in exchange for favors. It grossed them out.

I think you mentioned elsewhere that this family moved to Trinity? Asking, b/c I have heard stories of money favoritism at T as well (from a couple of years back).

All these schools run on money, there is no denying that. How it affects *your* kid in your specific situation is a hard thing to predict. I find the whole worrying about college outcomes before even entering high school not productive. You likely don’t even know what your kid’s interests and real strengths are at that point. I’d rather give my child a broad high quality education and exposure to different aspects of culture than burden them with the hypsm-or-bust mentality. HM doesn’t even seem to send too many kids to the top-5 schools in recent years; go there for the rigor, the resources, the breadth of course offerings, and the opportunity to find your niche/crowd. If you you are the type of parent who considers Chicago/Cornell/Duke as a failure, you and your kids are probably not gonna have a great time anywhere.

Also, learning how to play “the” game and curry social favor is not a necessary part of a rigorous education. It’s mainly teaching your kid to work a system that doesn’t mirror the actual world. Favors and where you went to school and who your friends are matters very little longterm if you don’t have the goods.

The person I knew at Horace Mann who left was astronomically wealthy and didn’t want their kid to grow up to be a shit. The Headmaster was pumping them for money in exchange for favors. It grossed them out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I experienced this at a TT girls school - starting in third grade my daughter knew whose parents were the big donors to the school and that those kids didn’t get into trouble if they misbehaved. In middle school, girls were getting extra time on standardized test and accommodations because of who their parents were. None of them were actually neurodivergent but were given twice the time for their ERBs with a doctor’s notes while kids who weren’t rich or powerful couldn’t get it WITH a doctor’s note. We got sick of it and left. Frankly, I didn’t trust them with my kid’s college exmissions. Talk to parents at these schools and ask what their kid reports. The thing I learned is that no one knows the unwritten rules of these places better than the kids who are in them, and the middle and upper parents know things the lower school parents don’t.

As a parent beginning the process of applying to private schools now, these types of stories are really discouraging. We're also ORMs without a hook, getting in already seems so daunting and then dealing with this stuff once you're in? what a shitshow.

We don't want to move to the suburbs, but I'm keeping an eye out for opportunities in my home country and Europe, where this kind of stuff is pretty rare.

Why do you want private school? Rarefied network, smaller classes, resources, develop critical thinking skills? Then go for it

Ivy League or Ivy+ admission? Not a good reason to attend. Better off being top of a T2 private or going to a Bx Sci or Stuy and killing it (merit based).

Smaller class sizes and a dislike of the public school curriculum, mostly. I don't really care about college admissions or "networks". But being a minority and then also dealing with this kind of unfairness is a lot for a kid to deal with. There's someone in another thread shitting all over suburban public school kids and their lack of erudition compared to Manhattan's TT elite. I worry about what we're putting ourselves and our kids through with this type of toxicity, if that's what "TT" schools are like.

You will want to avoid UES altogether. A part of raising a kid in UES is handling the social pressure and navigating the competitive environment. To be honest, placing my child in a competitive environment is one of the best gift I can give them to challenge themselves. As a parent it is my responsibility to put them in a position to succeed (provide as much support and guidance). Life isn’t always going to be easy. In my opinion, it is unfair if you have your child coast through school while expecting them to turn it on at high school.

There's competition and then there's sycophancy. Very, very familiar with the former, and I have no patience with the latter. No one expects their kids to coast through school, especially a competitive school. But if smart kids are getting overlooked and kids of donors/celebrities are getting special accommodations (as the podcast and that other poster claimed), that's a problem.

There is hypocrisy in that her money doesn't go far at HM and she decides to go public only to become what she complains about. Her second child being the first and only student to get into Cornell from a bad HS is the donor/celebrity special accommodation. I would take what they say with a grain of salt.

People can be hypocrites and also be right. Sure, she got famous and her son got a leg up, whatever. Her daughter was at HM and got into Stanford when Zarna wasn't famous. I don't think her being famous discounts what she has to say about her experience at HM.

I actually don’t think Brearley was pay to play a decade ago, because I chat with many of their alums, who I quite like, but a lot has changed since the new building opened at 590, and then even more after 2020. The important thing for parents is to realize that all of these schools go through different phases and it’s important to just not trust in the brand implicitly. The amount of money the head of Horace Mann and the college counselor make have always made it suspect in my eyes, but I am so happy to hear that has not been your experience. The issue I had at Brearley was a loss of trust in the honesty of the admin. There was always something going on, and they were very secretive about things like standardized test scores, etc. You just never got a straight answer about why they changed the way they did things, etc. Part of why you go to these schools is because what they do is backed by their own history, the generations they have educated, so if they change everything pedagogical, what’s the point? I just faith in the place’s fairness and judgement, and that’s just not tenable for me as a parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I experienced this at a TT girls school - starting in third grade my daughter knew whose parents were the big donors to the school and that those kids didn’t get into trouble if they misbehaved. In middle school, girls were getting extra time on standardized test and accommodations because of who their parents were. None of them were actually neurodivergent but were given twice the time for their ERBs with a doctor’s notes while kids who weren’t rich or powerful couldn’t get it WITH a doctor’s note. We got sick of it and left. Frankly, I didn’t trust them with my kid’s college exmissions. Talk to parents at these schools and ask what their kid reports. The thing I learned is that no one knows the unwritten rules of these places better than the kids who are in them, and the middle and upper parents know things the lower school parents don’t.

As a parent beginning the process of applying to private schools now, these types of stories are really discouraging. We're also ORMs without a hook, getting in already seems so daunting and then dealing with this stuff once you're in? what a shitshow.

We don't want to move to the suburbs, but I'm keeping an eye out for opportunities in my home country and Europe, where this kind of stuff is pretty rare.

Why do you want private school? Rarefied network, smaller classes, resources, develop critical thinking skills? Then go for it

Ivy League or Ivy+ admission? Not a good reason to attend. Better off being top of a T2 private or going to a Bx Sci or Stuy and killing it (merit based).

Smaller class sizes and a dislike of the public school curriculum, mostly. I don't really care about college admissions or "networks". But being a minority and then also dealing with this kind of unfairness is a lot for a kid to deal with. There's someone in another thread shitting all over suburban public school kids and their lack of erudition compared to Manhattan's TT elite. I worry about what we're putting ourselves and our kids through with this type of toxicity, if that's what "TT" schools are like.

You will want to avoid UES altogether. A part of raising a kid in UES is handling the social pressure and navigating the competitive environment. To be honest, placing my child in a competitive environment is one of the best gift I can give them to challenge themselves. As a parent it is my responsibility to put them in a position to succeed (provide as much support and guidance). Life isn’t always going to be easy. In my opinion, it is unfair if you have your child coast through school while expecting them to turn it on at high school.

There's competition and then there's sycophancy. Very, very familiar with the former, and I have no patience with the latter. No one expects their kids to coast through school, especially a competitive school. But if smart kids are getting overlooked and kids of donors/celebrities are getting special accommodations (as the podcast and that other poster claimed), that's a problem.

There is hypocrisy in that her money doesn't go far at HM and she decides to go public only to become what she complains about. Her second child being the first and only student to get into Cornell from a bad HS is the donor/celebrity special accommodation. I would take what they say with a grain of salt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg Zara Gary and her entire family are Trump loving, immigrant hating hypocrites. Her shtick based on Indian mom stereotypes is so tired and pathetic. Her daughter gushes over Usha Vance, saying she made it permissible for Indian women to date white men. Hideous!

I'm not a Zarna fan but is what she's saying about her experience at HM valid? That's what I want to understand.

I posted above about my DS having a great experience at HM. We don't find favoritism to be a thing there, and overall the community has been warm, supportive, and friendly.

Zarna's experience is valid for Zarna, and she clearly has strong feelings about it. It's also clear that she had specific expectations about college placement, and I would offer that being hyper-focused on just a handful of "acceptable" colleges as the end goal is probably not a great platform from which to make decisions about your child's education.

If you're looking at HM for your DC, go on a tour and try to assess for yourself how you feel about the school and how your child may or may not thrive there.

Are your kids in middle/high school? Or lower? I've heard that these issues don't pop up until middle school level.

I would also ask if your family is hooked in some way - data points are data points but it matters where the anecdote is coming from.