Anonymous wrote:Divorce is imminent and we have 2 young kids (5 & 7). DH plans to move to another state (2 hour flight)/ move away from our kids. He is not having an affair (really). I don’t get it and cannot understand this at all. Does he not understand the implications of this?

Obviously not

Anonymous wrote:Thank your lucky stars. If he doesn’t want to parent it is far better that he opt out and only show up intermittently than that he try to sustain regular custody and neglect the kids.

This.

I'm in the latter situation and it's a nightmare. The stress has taken years off of my life.

He was never that attached to the kids and once he was out of the house the "impression" that he was cannot be sustained. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mind at all, it solves a lot of custody problems. Your goal is to get the most money out of him, including guarantees for college, and the least custody hassle.

He might meet someone in the next few years, have more kids, suddenly get hit with the reality of college costs and find ways to wriggle out of them. So perhaps get a lump sum now just for that. My son's private university is now in the 90K+ (thank goodness he has merit aid). In-state flagship costs more than 30K.

No judge is going to require a parent pay for college, let alone private school. Ignore this idiot's advice.

Most divorces are negotiated and settled long before they land in front of a judge. The divorcing parties can do pretty much whatever they want, if they come to agreement. Many settlement agreements include stipulations on who pays for college.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mind at all, it solves a lot of custody problems. Your goal is to get the most money out of him, including guarantees for college, and the least custody hassle.

He might meet someone in the next few years, have more kids, suddenly get hit with the reality of college costs and find ways to wriggle out of them. So perhaps get a lump sum now just for that. My son's private university is now in the 90K+ (thank goodness he has merit aid). In-state flagship costs more than 30K.

No judge is going to require a parent pay for college, let alone private school. Ignore this idiot's advice.

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced, and have learned way too much about human nature in the process.

Sadly, many divorced women have learned that
"Men only care about the kids of the woman they're f**king" and once they stop F**king you, their care for even their own children goes way down.
I'm sorry you too are now part of this seedy underbelly of society, but it's real, and it leave moms doing 110% of the work (plus trying to keep the kids from falling apart from the new realization that dad just doesn't really care)

+1

And many of them will treat their NEW girlfriend’s kids very very well while ignoring their own.

Mine stopped caring about our kids once he wasn’t happy with me- while still IN the marriage. Started treating them garbage (after being a pretty good/involved father up until that point). I was shocked.

OP, while very sad for the kids -this may end up being for the best, if that is what he is really like. Like everyone has said, assume there will be a “new family” (whether he remarries, or just takes on a girlfriend’s kids) sucking up financial resources at some point and make sure to plan accordingly.

As an aside, I’m always amazed at the “new women” who go along with this. I know several who buy the BS story of “oh she won’t LET me see them, have custody, blah blah” when that is (usually) not the case. Classic.

Anonymous wrote:He's having an affair. They are honestly too pathetic to leave without another woman lined up. This happened to my friend and the ex swore up and down he just wanted to leave because he was not in love with her. It didn't make sense--I honestly thought he might have a brain tumor.

It took months, but the serious girlfriend part came out.

so he's a liar too?!

As if he needs to protect his Great Guy, Great Dad image he thinks still exists?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happens a lot to divorced working men.
They move to improve their own lives, usually work or a new woman.

They don’t make decisions based on their kids’ needs or yours or even their elderly parents’.

Stop thinking like a woman and think like a man!

So, if the mom similarly decides she only wants every other weekend with the kids with no responsibility for school, health, morals, etc. where does that leave the kids?

Should America open foster homes to raise these kids of divorce where both parents act like the irresponsible walk out dad?

Good business model. Maybe MAGA folks will back this- seems like a great money making opportunity.

correct. it's a game of chicken. Dad ducks out while married and then way out once divorced. Mom is left holding the bag - financially, emotional support, raising the kids, devleoping them, keeping them healthy, finding strong ECs, middle school and high school planning and days, and college apps, and then continue to support them. They are kids.

Otherwise, yes, they go to the grandparents or foster care.

Do you know how many kids are abandoned by their parents and extended family each year PP? Look it up.

He's having an affair. They are honestly too pathetic to leave without another woman lined up. This happened to my friend and the ex swore up and down he just wanted to leave because he was not in love with her. It didn't make sense--I honestly thought he might have a brain tumor.

It took months, but the serious girlfriend part came out.

Anonymous wrote:This happens a lot to divorced working men.
They move to improve their own lives, usually work or a new woman.

They don’t make decisions based on their kids’ needs or yours or even their elderly parents’.

Stop thinking like a woman and think like a man!

So, if the mom similarly decides she only wants every other weekend with the kids with no responsibility for school, health, morals, etc. where does that leave the kids?
Should America open foster homes to raise these kids of divorce where both parents act like the irresponsible walk out dad?
Good business model. Maybe MAGA folks will back this- seems like a great money making opportunity.

Anonymous wrote:Make men ashamed to walk out on their families again.

+1. And hold them accountable!!! Their churches, families of origin, jobs, etc need to start holding these deadbeat men to task

I'm divorced, and have learned way too much about human nature in the process.

Sadly, many divorced women have learned that
"Men only care about the kids of the woman they're f**king" and once they stop F**king you, their care for even their own children goes way down.
I'm sorry you too are now part of this seedy underbelly of society, but it's real, and it leave moms doing 110% of the work (plus trying to keep the kids from falling apart from the new realization that dad just doesn't really care)