Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a caregiver. Most just sit there and listen to the old person. They might do light cooking (make a hot dog), or help order groceries, but that’s it. It’s unusual for them to do more.
Beware of caregiver stealing or exploiting the elderly for money. It’s very common.
Btdt with both parents over a period of 25 yrs.

Okay this is a waste of money, unless you wanted your parents to have conversation partners.
Yes I know about the stealing. I assume even the bg checked ones still steal?

Probably a pretty good assumption, given how hard it is to find people to do this job.

This is what I don’t understand also! If the job is as easy as described (listen, warm up food, help order groceries) why aren’t more people doing it?

It requires a lot of patience and the ability to always do things someone else’s way. It’s a type of servant and while it may not be physically demanding, it takes a great deal of effort. If you live in a moderately sized metro and you can’t find someone good you aren’t paying enough.

I think it’s a lot about finding a not so difficult client (and family! Whoever is hiring the companion) and then being strict but kind, just like with kids, except kids are much more cute.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of people who do this unless you are in some isolated backwater. Reminding to take medication is one thing but dispensing it is another. Check the laws for your jurisdiction and don’t ask a companion/housekeeper to do anything illegal.

Oh I am not hiring anyone (I wish I could) but I don’t understand the dispensing thing. Do you mean like giving someone a pill with a glass of water? And maybe doing eye drops?
It’s so stupid someone needs a license for it. I do it for my dad with no license and I’d totally allow someone else responsible enough to do it if they were willing!

Many aren't willing. They don't want the liability in terms of all the things that can go wrong with the elderly in general, and definitely in terms of any "medications."

Most people simply can't afford it.

This is so stupid! What can go wrong with a freaking eye drop. Doesn’t matter, just makes me irrationally mad

Anonymous wrote:It's really annoying, the jobs that home health care aids aren't allowed to do, that I as a family caregiver have to do with absolutely no training.

Anything to do with medication - that's on me. You'd have to hire an RN or someone with medication management certification - and even then, they probably wouldn't be able to stay on top of making sure refills get followed up on, conecting with the insurance company or Medicare for prior authorizations, etc.

Any anything to do with finger or toenail clipping, maintenance. That's on me, too. The aides can file nails but not clip, trim or deal with ingrown nail issues.

Any anything to do with constipation like administering a suppository or an enema. They can wipe but nothing more.

These three things are the reason people end up in a nursing home, if they don't have a "loved one" willing to help them.

This PP is out here wanting to pay next-to-nothing for someone to watch her parent, but is annoyed that this caregiver won't be the one "administering a suppository or enema."

Ok.

We had someone doing this — chit chat, clean up the kitchen and put the dishes away, light sweeping, heat up soup etc. she ended up irritating my mom who felt llle she could do all that, and because she’d chit chat about her own health problems so then my mom felt bad having her unload the dishwasher or whatever.

Did anyone see the WaPo article about the jubilee tv thing? That actually seemed great.

I have someone like this for my mother. I got her off of care.com and she's fabulous. I pay her $25/hour and she does everything I can't be there to do. She's been with my mother for a year and I'm getting ready to give her raise. I can't lose her.

We paid our former nanny to visit my mom in assisted living for a few hours each day (she did it while kid she took care of was in preschool). it worked great. She knew my mom, got to know the assisted living staff, was our eyes and ears when I was at work. It worked great for everyone.

Companion Care at least in Northwest DC, which you can hire by the hour, and it’s usually done by youngish retired professionals, is like $100 an hour.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone keeps comparing the job to taking care of children and want to pay that same rate, but this is generally a worse job than taking care of a kid, pulling from the same population.

Kids develop skills instead of lose them…which is hard.
Would you rather help a small 3 year old get dressed or a full grown adult?
How about help them clean up after a bathroom accident?
Most kids/toddlers are happy/joyful/laughing for at least part of the day.
If a three year old gets hard headed and insists on doing something unsafe you can pick them up and move them away from the unsafe thing.

Also, kids don't accuse you of stealing something they lost or make even more paranoid accusations. It's fun to watch someone progress developmentally. It's not fun to watch someone decline often in behavior, emotional state and physical ability.

My grandma's floor at the memory care was like something out of the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It was insane and I have so many stories of the craziness. Everything my grandma owned was stolen too by the other residents. She had very difficult feet to buy shoes for and we spent a lot of money on it. She had special slippers that we wrote her name ALL over it. Every time we visited, we'd walk around and find a different resident wearing grandma's slippers and we'd steal them back. Definitely similar to a preschool classroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a market for these services, and "companion" is actually one of the fastest growing health care jobs on the job market. You can pay a "companion" less than someone with healthcare training. But bottom line is that people are a lot more willing to pay to have someone watch their kids than they are to have someone watch their parents. People easily work 60k into their budget for little Larla and Larlo, but will hesitate to spend $200 a week on mom or dad.

That's because mom and dad are supposed to save for their own care.

Right! So many people with small kids save up for year or even a decade to afford the daycare years (I did) and they delay retirement savings while doing it. You think we want to spent 50k a year on it?! When my parents are elderly, I'll likely be in my late 40s-50s and won't want to stop my own retirement savings.

Something that helped my grandma was having a college student live with her. The college student had the entire upstairs, 3 bedrooms, 1 bath, to herself. She ate dinner with grandma 3 nights a week and cooked the meals. They were simple meals like spaghetti and meatballs, rotisserie chicken, etc. She picked up after herself downstairs (like cleaning her dishes), but didn't have to do any chores for grandma. Grandma had a cleaning lady once a week who also cleaned upstairs. Her main role was just to be there at night in case something happened.

It worked out great. College student lived for free (I think they did give her money too and paid utilities and food) and was mostly home studying. When she went on trips, my aunts and uncles stepped in. Aunts and uncles also rotated the other nights of the week taking grandma out to dinner or cooking for her. She wasn't required to spend a lot of time with grandma other than the 3 dinners, but she was friendly to her and they watched TV together because the girl was nice.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone keeps comparing the job to taking care of children and want to pay that same rate, but this is generally a worse job than taking care of a kid, pulling from the same population.

Kids develop skills instead of lose them…which is hard.
Would you rather help a small 3 year old get dressed or a full grown adult?
How about help them clean up after a bathroom accident?
Most kids/toddlers are happy/joyful/laughing for at least part of the day.
If a three year old gets hard headed and insists on doing something unsafe you can pick them up and move them away from the unsafe thing.

Also, kids don't accuse you of stealing something they lost or make even more paranoid accusations. It's fun to watch someone progress developmentally. It's not fun to watch someone decline often in behavior, emotional state and physical ability.

Anonymous wrote:There's also adult day care. A neighbor has this and the bus picks him up every morning and takes him to their place for activities with other old people.

I highly recommend this. I had a family member who loved adult daycare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of people who do this unless you are in some isolated backwater. Reminding to take medication is one thing but dispensing it is another. Check the laws for your jurisdiction and don’t ask a companion/housekeeper to do anything illegal.

It can actually be easier to find good people to do this in those "isolated backwaters."

Why do you think this is? Is it because there’s fewer jobs there? Or more people with old fashioned work ethic?

Because in those communities, everyone knows each other and grew up around one another or knows someone who did. They have all been in each other's orbit for decades. There's a true social fabric to these places.

You're romanticizing. There are places like this anywhere, but they are rare and not more likely in the backwaters.

Anonymous wrote:There is a market for these services, and "companion" is actually one of the fastest growing health care jobs on the job market. You can pay a "companion" less than someone with healthcare training. But bottom line is that people are a lot more willing to pay to have someone watch their kids than they are to have someone watch their parents. People easily work 60k into their budget for little Larla and Larlo, but will hesitate to spend $200 a week on mom or dad.

That's because mom and dad are supposed to save for their own care.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean caregivers who do physical stuff like changing diapers.
I basically mean paid friends or ersatz adult children.
Someone who oversees the cleaners, maybe cooks food, coordinates grocery delivery or grocery shops, takes an elderly person to the dr, reminds to take meds, things like that.
No medical training, no hard physical labor but rather managing the day to day plus companionship.
If I had more money I’d love someone to be a substitute daughter to my father! Someone who has patience to manage his household and listen to what he has to say. Why isn’t there a market for these services? Or am I the only one who needs someone like that?

Would you rather be a nanny for young kids who smile and giggle and mature and when they tantrum they say entertaining things or an aging person who is unhappy, has outbursts and finds your weakest emotional spot to attack and then you basically watch them inch toward death?

You cannot expect a nanny for an elderly person. It's usually a team of rotating people because the needs are so great and it's emotionally draining. If the elder is pleasant and independent, that's one thing, but in those cases people ar only looking to hire someone very part time to help with meal prep, take on outings, etc.

Also, kids mature and become a little more independent over time. Elderly decline so you'd have to keep increasing the pay as dependent keeps decreasing and it's just too much for one or 2 people. That's why so many family caregivers to the elderly become depressed and/or physically ill. It's far more draining without as much reinforcement.

It's really annoying, the jobs that home health care aids aren't allowed to do, that I as a family caregiver have to do with absolutely no training.

Anything to do with medication - that's on me. You'd have to hire an RN or someone with medication management certification - and even then, they probably wouldn't be able to stay on top of making sure refills get followed up on, conecting with the insurance company or Medicare for prior authorizations, etc.

Any anything to do with finger or toenail clipping, maintenance. That's on me, too. The aides can file nails but not clip, trim or deal with ingrown nail issues.

Any anything to do with constipation like administering a suppository or an enema. They can wipe but nothing more.

These three things are the reason people end up in a nursing home, if they don't have a "loved one" willing to help them.