Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:48     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:If she won’t get in the car to go to the airport I’d call all my neighbors to come help persuade her. This will embarrass her and she will get in the car. Be clear about what time she needs to be ready to leave and pack for her.


I would not show up if my neighbor called me and asked me to do this. Parent your own kid, I’m not playing this game.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:47     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
I would tell her she’s getting on that plane or CPS is coming to get her to go to foster care. Her choice.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:46     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
OP,

I think what people are trying to get at here is that there are two options:

1 Either this is a moody teen having a moment, in which case you can pack for her and manage to get her into the car and on the plane. Ask her why Hawaii: surely there are things in Italy that can be the same as Hawaii. She can post wonderful pictures of Italian landmarks to impress her friends, etc.

2. Or this is a mentally ill patient who has autism, or other diagnoses, and who will risk all hell breaking loose by physically refusing to leave the house. In which case, you have a very serious issue on your hands, because this is not run-of-the-mill brat behavior. It's a brain difference that needs to be managed lifelong.




Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:46     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:Have you tried really listening to her side of things? Not because you will change your mind- but so that you can take her into account next time?
I think this is the age where girls start to realize they want a say in what they do. So make her feel heard.
“We’re doing this trip, and I need you on board, but can we talk about what you would have rather done? Can we find a way to incorporate that into our next trip?”
So maybe not Hawaii- but have her help with picking an activity or a place or a hotel for the next one. Whatever she’s into. If it’s social media, there are a ton of social media popular restaurants that would be easy to add to a trip.

She’s being a jerk now, but the best way to prevent that in the future may be to give her a bit more control.


This is reasonable, as long as she goes on this Italy trip.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:45     Subject: Re:14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP


OP I cannot believe this is a serious question. Hopefully you're just packing and stressed and taking a break on DCUM to ask this.

The idea that a 14 YO could be allowed to disrupt a family vacation like this blows my mind.

If she doesn't want to pack, tell her that you're going to pack for her and she'd better hope she likes what you decide on, because there are no purchases there.

If she doesn't want to get in the cab/ car tomorrow, you pick her up and put her in. If she screams, you ignore her.

Who runs the show at your house?


To be fair to OP, she did say she already took away privileges which I assume means her phone and screen time. Everyone here is all hard ass when they type their responses, but in terms of actionable advice, what happens when she physically puts her DD in the car, and then they get to the airport and she screams bloody murder? They could get denied entrance or kicked off the flight. So IMO it's actually a fair question. Do you make the attempt to go and risk the whole family getting kicked out or do you find last minute arrangements for the DD and punish her severely?

If I really thought there was a chance she'd straight up pitch a fit like that, I'd line up (bribe) emergency child care, who was on board with grounding her that week. And I'd tell her that not only was she not going to Hawaii, she wasn't going anywhere. Her phone and any other devices would be locked up. And she wouldn't get that phone back for at least a month, probably longer, and she wouldn't have any spending money, and she would be full-on grounded. That kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable.


I would sell her phone to pay for the wasted ticket. And buy her a flip phone at most if she needed one for safety. Until she goes to college. (Not “a month.”). She doesn’t “need” a phone and she clearly doesn’t deserve one either.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:43     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
Have you tried really listening to her side of things? Not because you will change your mind- but so that you can take her into account next time?
I think this is the age where girls start to realize they want a say in what they do. So make her feel heard.
“We’re doing this trip, and I need you on board, but can we talk about what you would have rather done? Can we find a way to incorporate that into our next trip?”
So maybe not Hawaii- but have her help with picking an activity or a place or a hotel for the next one. Whatever she’s into. If it’s social media, there are a ton of social media popular restaurants that would be easy to add to a trip.

She’s being a jerk now, but the best way to prevent that in the future may be to give her a bit more control.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:41     Subject: Re:14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP


OP I cannot believe this is a serious question. Hopefully you're just packing and stressed and taking a break on DCUM to ask this.

The idea that a 14 YO could be allowed to disrupt a family vacation like this blows my mind.

If she doesn't want to pack, tell her that you're going to pack for her and she'd better hope she likes what you decide on, because there are no purchases there.

If she doesn't want to get in the cab/ car tomorrow, you pick her up and put her in. If she screams, you ignore her.

Who runs the show at your house?


To be fair to OP, she did say she already took away privileges which I assume means her phone and screen time. Everyone here is all hard ass when they type their responses, but in terms of actionable advice, what happens when she physically puts her DD in the car, and then they get to the airport and she screams bloody murder? They could get denied entrance or kicked off the flight. So IMO it's actually a fair question. Do you make the attempt to go and risk the whole family getting kicked out or do you find last minute arrangements for the DD and punish her severely?

If I really thought there was a chance she'd straight up pitch a fit like that, I'd line up (bribe) emergency child care, who was on board with grounding her that week. And I'd tell her that not only was she not going to Hawaii, she wasn't going anywhere. Her phone and any other devices would be locked up. And she wouldn't get that phone back for at least a month, probably longer, and she wouldn't have any spending money, and she would be full-on grounded. That kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable.


No way! If she doesn't go, you don't go either. This child is in crisis. This wavering is how you get a brat like this. Because you were a wimpy parent before, you now have to go strong.


Of course you go. She doesn't get to cancel the trip for the whole a family. She is being bratty and whiny but there is nothing that shows she is in crisis. She just wants what she wants. You leave her with whoever will take her, take all her electronics, go enjoy your vacation and deal with her when you get home.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:39     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
Most people cannot afford to travel to Italy or Hawaii in their lifetimes. Try giving her some perspective.

Other than that, no discussion. Trip is on regardless, and there are consequences for bad behavior. I would stop engaging with her completely because there is no decision to be made.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:37     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If she won’t get in the car to go to the airport I’d call all my neighbors to come help persuade her. This will embarrass her and she will get in the car. Be clear about what time she needs to be ready to leave and pack for her.

If you're going the forcing route, add a couple of hours to get ready. She will drag her feet every step of the way


This.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:37     Subject: Re:14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP


OP I cannot believe this is a serious question. Hopefully you're just packing and stressed and taking a break on DCUM to ask this.

The idea that a 14 YO could be allowed to disrupt a family vacation like this blows my mind.

If she doesn't want to pack, tell her that you're going to pack for her and she'd better hope she likes what you decide on, because there are no purchases there.

If she doesn't want to get in the cab/ car tomorrow, you pick her up and put her in. If she screams, you ignore her.

Who runs the show at your house?


To be fair to OP, she did say she already took away privileges which I assume means her phone and screen time. Everyone here is all hard ass when they type their responses, but in terms of actionable advice, what happens when she physically puts her DD in the car, and then they get to the airport and she screams bloody murder? They could get denied entrance or kicked off the flight. So IMO it's actually a fair question. Do you make the attempt to go and risk the whole family getting kicked out or do you find last minute arrangements for the DD and punish her severely?

If I really thought there was a chance she'd straight up pitch a fit like that, I'd line up (bribe) emergency child care, who was on board with grounding her that week. And I'd tell her that not only was she not going to Hawaii, she wasn't going anywhere. Her phone and any other devices would be locked up. And she wouldn't get that phone back for at least a month, probably longer, and she wouldn't have any spending money, and she would be full-on grounded. That kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable.


No way! If she doesn't go, you don't go either. This child is in crisis. This wavering is how you get a brat like this. Because you were a wimpy parent before, you now have to go strong.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:37     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:If she won’t get in the car to go to the airport I’d call all my neighbors to come help persuade her. This will embarrass her and she will get in the car. Be clear about what time she needs to be ready to leave and pack for her.

If you're going the forcing route, add a couple of hours to get ready. She will drag her feet every step of the way
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:35     Subject: Re:14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP


OP I cannot believe this is a serious question. Hopefully you're just packing and stressed and taking a break on DCUM to ask this.

The idea that a 14 YO could be allowed to disrupt a family vacation like this blows my mind.

If she doesn't want to pack, tell her that you're going to pack for her and she'd better hope she likes what you decide on, because there are no purchases there.

If she doesn't want to get in the cab/ car tomorrow, you pick her up and put her in. If she screams, you ignore her.

Who runs the show at your house?


To be fair to OP, she did say she already took away privileges which I assume means her phone and screen time. Everyone here is all hard ass when they type their responses, but in terms of actionable advice, what happens when she physically puts her DD in the car, and then they get to the airport and she screams bloody murder? They could get denied entrance or kicked off the flight. So IMO it's actually a fair question. Do you make the attempt to go and risk the whole family getting kicked out or do you find last minute arrangements for the DD and punish her severely?

If I really thought there was a chance she'd straight up pitch a fit like that, I'd line up (bribe) emergency child care, who was on board with grounding her that week. And I'd tell her that not only was she not going to Hawaii, she wasn't going anywhere. Her phone and any other devices would be locked up. And she wouldn't get that phone back for at least a month, probably longer, and she wouldn't have any spending money, and she would be full-on grounded. That kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:31     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
Yes, I make the attempt to go. This child is in crisis due to poor parenting previously. The fact that she thinks that this is anywhere near appropriate behavior is a huge wake up call. Yes, you make the kid go. But OP is probably wishy washy still like in this message, which is gross negligence.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:29     Subject: 14yo refusing to go on trip
If she won’t get in the car to go to the airport I’d call all my neighbors to come help persuade her. This will embarrass her and she will get in the car. Be clear about what time she needs to be ready to leave and pack for her.
Anonymous
Post 03/30/2026 16:27     Subject: Re:14yo refusing to go on trip
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our trip is to Italy, half vacation/half visiting relatives. She doesn’t want to go Italy, and wants to go to the Hawaii, or somewhere else, but it isn’t her choice. There isn’t anyone available for her to stay with. OP


OP I cannot believe this is a serious question. Hopefully you're just packing and stressed and taking a break on DCUM to ask this.

The idea that a 14 YO could be allowed to disrupt a family vacation like this blows my mind.

If she doesn't want to pack, tell her that you're going to pack for her and she'd better hope she likes what you decide on, because there are no purchases there.

If she doesn't want to get in the cab/ car tomorrow, you pick her up and put her in. If she screams, you ignore her.

Who runs the show at your house?


To be fair to OP, she did say she already took away privileges which I assume means her phone and screen time. Everyone here is all hard ass when they type their responses, but in terms of actionable advice, what happens when she physically puts her DD in the car, and then they get to the airport and she screams bloody murder? They could get denied entrance or kicked off the flight. So IMO it's actually a fair question. Do you make the attempt to go and risk the whole family getting kicked out or do you find last minute arrangements for the DD and punish her severely?