My kids are 17 and 18 and have already held multiple paying jobs. What are you talking about??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, you let this happen it seems.

Our kids (4) all knew a plan was expected. College, trade school, military, what have you, and as soon as they were no longer in school, they had to be working full-time. They could live with us while they were getting it all together, and we paid many of their expenses such as car insurance, cell phone, they drove our old cars (and I do mean old - one of the cars is 18 yrs old)…. But we made sure they were sticking to their career plan and moving forward.

Hobbies and volunteering are great, but those can be done after hours and weekends. This engagement could end tomorrow. “A man who feeds you can also starve you.”

You are lucky. But don’t think other people haven’t done this too. Life/kids don’t always just fall into place so perfectly.

Pride goeth before the fall

dp.. I understand what you mean, and the challenge is definitely, as the parent, sticking to it. I get that it's hard to see your kids suffer, but IMO, if you don't stick to it, your kids will eventually suffer because you as the parent are constantly propping them up. it will be harder for the adult kids to get off their butts.

At minimum, an adult child can get a job -- Target, food service, etc..

I've said the same things to my kids. One DC is well on their way to getting a FT job after college; the other is just starting college but even they have had a job since 16 and plan on working in college (for spending money).

This is no different than when your kids were younger, and you followed (or not) through on the consequences you put forward. Gotta follow through.

Anonymous wrote:What has she been doing since college?

Why did you not insist (by posing consequences) that she work?

Sounds like all you have trained her to be is a kept woman.

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, you let this happen it seems.

Our kids (4) all knew a plan was expected. College, trade school, military, what have you, and as soon as they were no longer in school, they had to be working full-time. They could live with us while they were getting it all together, and we paid many of their expenses such as car insurance, cell phone, they drove our old cars (and I do mean old - one of the cars is 18 yrs old)…. But we made sure they were sticking to their career plan and moving forward.

Hobbies and volunteering are great, but those can be done after hours and weekends. This engagement could end tomorrow. “A man who feeds you can also starve you.”

You are lucky. But don’t think other people haven’t done this too. Life/kids don’t always just fall into place so perfectly.

Pride goeth before the fall

A man is not a plan. And yes, I’d be concerned if I were you.

You know the pitfalls with this situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She must be very pretty.

Unemployed women seem to be valued for their looks. What about unemployed men?

Obviously not valued for anything.

Family money, even if gained by corruption or oppression.

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, you let this happen it seems.

Our kids (4) all knew a plan was expected. College, trade school, military, what have you, and as soon as they were no longer in school, they had to be working full-time. They could live with us while they were getting it all together, and we paid many of their expenses such as car insurance, cell phone, they drove our old cars (and I do mean old - one of the cars is 18 yrs old)…. But we made sure they were sticking to their career plan and moving forward.

Hobbies and volunteering are great, but those can be done after hours and weekends. This engagement could end tomorrow. “A man who feeds you can also starve you.”

Wow, that quote ! 🔥

Well, OP, you let this happen it seems.

Our kids (4) all knew a plan was expected. College, trade school, military, what have you, and as soon as they were no longer in school, they had to be working full-time. They could live with us while they were getting it all together, and we paid many of their expenses such as car insurance, cell phone, they drove our old cars (and I do mean old - one of the cars is 18 yrs old)…. But we made sure they were sticking to their career plan and moving forward.

Hobbies and volunteering are great, but those can be done after hours and weekends. This engagement could end tomorrow. “A man who feeds you can also starve you.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She must be very pretty.

Unemployed women seem to be valued for their looks. What about unemployed men?

Obviously not valued for anything.