Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he travel? Every month? Is he taking advantage of his sniffles? Is he still working thru the man cold?

OP - he travels every month or so. At the minimum every quarter. I try and have empathy but its hard because stuff still needs to get done and then I have to do it all. I power through when I have a migraine or any sickness that isn't completely debilitating. Its what parents do when they have young kids who can't function on their own.

Yeah, if he travels every month you need to quit your job

This is terrible advice. Stop telling women to quit their jobs.

I don't think OP has a job though.

Yes, she does.

Anonymous wrote:He's not washing his hands or using hand sanitizer and touching all kinds of germy crap at the airport and hotels and then eating. He's nasty.

Since my traveling STBX moved out we all get sick way less. He was always terrible about washing his hands so it doesn’t take the CDC to figure out what was going on. He’ll sit in a hotel room and have one hand on the remote and one hand on food, or touch a million things in the airport and on the plane and then eat with his hands. He doesn’t like getting his hands wet and says hand sanitizer hurts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness OP I thought I had written this. I get you 100 percent- my husband is also a lawyer and does the same thing about going to meetings all day and then working late. It sounds absolutely miserable to me and he hates it too and has pushed back and is traveling less now he’s slightly more established. I don’t have a ton of answers because I basically pressure my husband 24/7 to try and find a different job. Different firm or go in house or something! He’s miserable a lot of the time and asks a lot of the rest of us. The money is not even as much as you might think and is not worth it. I basically just want to validate that if he’s making these choices and you do not agree the trade offs are worth it you are entitled to that opinion. Many people would rather have a spouse who is a real partner than more money.

OP here - you make me feel seen. We have been at this a long time (DH is a young/new partner) and he wants to try and see if he will "make it" before he taps out. He makes good money (between $575-$775K depending on his bonuses) but it sure is A LOT of work for that money. There is no downtime or rest. Is it worth it? I don't know. He/we don't really have generational money to fall back on. We have 3 young kids and want to try and provide them with a cushion in life.

Yes my friend I see you. The whole “I might do something different later” makes it hard. I desperately want him to do something different and he has basically said if I quit my job he will feel like he has to keep earning a partner salary so I am still working my mommy tracked job even though the current compensation is pretty good (slightly less than your husband but also very dependent on bonus and there have been years with zero bonus and those years the overall compensation was VERY much not worth it.

My husband likes the work but increasingly hates the lifestyle and is getting frustrated with doing nothing but work. There is really only so much I can do about that even if I relieve him completely of all childcare and household responsibilities. So I have decided not to completely insulate him from his choices; I try to do what’s best for our kids and try to make sure he spends some time with them. I also am not super sympathetic when he does a trip like this and is tired and cranky afterwards. He chose that!!! If he’s actually very sick (which does happen) we get through it but also…yeah that happens when you don’t take care of yourself at all.

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness OP I thought I had written this. I get you 100 percent- my husband is also a lawyer and does the same thing about going to meetings all day and then working late. It sounds absolutely miserable to me and he hates it too and has pushed back and is traveling less now he’s slightly more established. I don’t have a ton of answers because I basically pressure my husband 24/7 to try and find a different job. Different firm or go in house or something! He’s miserable a lot of the time and asks a lot of the rest of us. The money is not even as much as you might think and is not worth it. I basically just want to validate that if he’s making these choices and you do not agree the trade offs are worth it you are entitled to that opinion. Many people would rather have a spouse who is a real partner than more money.

OP here - you make me feel seen. We have been at this a long time (DH is a young/new partner) and he wants to try and see if he will "make it" before he taps out. He makes good money (between $575-$775K depending on his bonuses) but it sure is A LOT of work for that money. There is no downtime or rest. Is it worth it? I don't know. He/we don't really have generational money to fall back on. We have 3 young kids and want to try and provide them with a cushion in life.

Oh my goodness OP I thought I had written this. I get you 100 percent- my husband is also a lawyer and does the same thing about going to meetings all day and then working late. It sounds absolutely miserable to me and he hates it too and has pushed back and is traveling less now he’s slightly more established. I don’t have a ton of answers because I basically pressure my husband 24/7 to try and find a different job. Different firm or go in house or something! He’s miserable a lot of the time and asks a lot of the rest of us. The money is not even as much as you might think and is not worth it. I basically just want to validate that if he’s making these choices and you do not agree the trade offs are worth it you are entitled to that opinion. Many people would rather have a spouse who is a real partner than more money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

My husbands pain threshold is super super low.

He got lasic - it hurt and he demanded to return to the clinic as he was adamant something was very wrong. They talked him down over the phone. All was fine an hour later

He got his cavity-riddled wisdom teeth out at age 30, he called the oral surgeon daily about what to do for two weeks straight. Same advice- big sockets need to scab up.

Sadly when other people are hurting- our child broke her leg, he does nothing. She couldn’t walk after a bad fall at the trampoline park, he did nothing. I only got the truth the next day and zipped her to children’s national ER myself.

Your husband sounds terrible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somehow she finds time to do DCUM.

It’s a healthy cope.

There are other more formal support groups for women suffering from misogyny too. Zooms, chat rooms, threads, Reddit, X, discord, etc.

DP

If DCUM is your "healthy cope", you are doomed.

Anonymous wrote:Somehow she finds time to do DCUM.

It’s a healthy cope.

There are other more formal support groups for women suffering from misogyny too. Zooms, chat rooms, threads, Reddit, X, discord, etc.

I have one kid and I am able to take care of that kid without any others helping me (except financially). I feel like this attitude towards the number of kids ppl have would help many moms to feel better about so many things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH gets sick after he travels for work - seems to be pretty consistent. He flies out somewhere, works and stays up too late (especially when changing time zones) and then comes home and is sick.

Sometimes it’s just a minor cold and he can power through. This time though I think it’s the flu. I feel bad he is sick but I am also burned out from him being gone and now zero help at home while I hold down everything with the kids and home. He went to bed last night at 7pm and is still asleep.

I have only been sick one time in the 12 years of parenting enough to actually sleep and not take care of the kids.

If the man has been sleeping for 13 hours, he's legitimately sick. And you're a callous, shitty spouse. Get over it and deal.

My spouse loves travel because he sleeps and Netflix it up on the planes. WiFi isn’t good enough to do much work ever.

Anonymous wrote:He needs to get more sleep, if he drinks he needs to cut back and eat better. And men do not wash their hands as often.

If he continues to get sick he needs to see a doctor.

Exercise also helps fight germs and gain more energy

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

My husbands pain threshold is super super low.

He got lasic - it hurt and he demanded to return to the clinic as he was adamant something was very wrong. They talked him down over the phone. All was fine an hour later

He got his cavity-riddled wisdom teeth out at age 30, he called the oral surgeon daily about what to do for two weeks straight. Same advice- big sockets need to scab up.

Sadly when other people are hurting- our child broke her leg, he does nothing. She couldn’t walk after a bad fall at the trampoline park, he did nothing. I only got the truth the next day and zipped her to children’s national ER myself.

Anonymous wrote:He's not sick all these times. He's tired, jet lagged, hungove, and dehydrated, and hiding from home responsibilities.

Cool, let’s all do that and see why’s happens at home and at work!

Oh wait, he’s only doing that at home to his wife and kids….

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. My DH constantly complains of one ailment or another. He actually does a lot around the house and with DC and powers through (he knows I'll be unhappy if he doesn't do his share in general) but the constant sighing about how tired he is and how he has some random symptom gets exhausting and stressful for me. Yes, he has been to a doctor (after literally years of me begging him to), no issues there.

Doctors must love it when wives insist husbands waste their time with this complete BS.

People get jet lagged. People get sick.

I'm not following what you are saying. I was sharing that my husband constantly complains of feeling ill. He doesn't travel for work and doesn't deal with jet lag. He hadn't seen a doctor or had blood work for years, and he finally did that. Do you think it is "BS" to go to the doctor to get standard blood work done and discuss health concerns that you complain about on a daily basis?

You said “I feel you OP” which implies a similar issue. But you’re talking about an entirely different “man cold” unbeknownst to the rest of us.

So you apparently also weren’t following what OP was saying.

NP but the PP's posts have all made perfect sense.

DP. I understood PP’s posts but they had nothing to do with OP’s posts, except maybe they both used the word sick.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he travel? Every month? Is he taking advantage of his sniffles? Is he still working thru the man cold?

OP - he travels every month or so. At the minimum every quarter. I try and have empathy but its hard because stuff still needs to get done and then I have to do it all. I power through when I have a migraine or any sickness that isn't completely debilitating. Its what parents do when they have young kids who can't function on their own.

Yeah, if he travels every month you need to quit your job

This is terrible advice. Stop telling women to quit their jobs.

I don't think OP has a job though.