Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 08:28     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
As somebody who is more interested in fitness than my husband, I DO resent his lack of interest. He has flat out told me he doesn't want to hear updates from me on how I'm doing (e.g. I ran X distance, in x time!). I certainly never comment on how fat he is (he's fat) or that he gets very little exercise (maybe 2-3 walks a week?).

Why do you resent that he is in shape?
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 08:25     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“My hot wife is also a great cook. Should I be concerned?”


I do think this is one where it would be different if the genders were switched.
If a man complained that his wife started to spend a lot of time worrying about her looks, that she wasn’t critical, but it felt like a competition with their teenaged daughters, and that she wouldn’t placate their daughters when they said they looked good, that she will run with their son but doesn’t work out with the daughters.

I don’t think there would be a lot of comments like, “just enjoy it,” or “at least the girls won’t be fat,” or “it’s good she isn’t coddling them.”



Apples and oranges. You and OP are inventing problems.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 08:24     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!


You don’t see the downside of a father getting competitive with his teenage sons and refusing to let them win?


No. Eventually they will win. But it will be earned.


Uh huh.
You’ve never met a dad who didn’t allow his son to be stronger than him or a mom who didn’t allow her daughter to be prettier than her?

I’m pretty sure I have heard a story about this somewhere…


Didn’t allow the son to be stronger? What are you making up? Also it’s completely different than a mom competing with her daughter to be the most beautiful.

Are you going to complain next that the dad makes more money than sons?


The OP literally says that it feels like a competition and that it’s affecting her teen boys body image.

Why is it completely different if a man does this to his sons vs a woman doing this to her daughters?


You are fragile flower. Trash talking in arm wrestling is not harmful. Guys have harmless exercise challenges all the time. These are teens. They will grow stronger than dad. It’s really weird that you think the dad needs to let them win.

Is it okay for the dad to earn more money?

It sounds to me like OP is worried because she’s literally the only family member who doesn’t exercise with her husband.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 08:12     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:“My hot wife is also a great cook. Should I be concerned?”


I do think this is one where it would be different if the genders were switched.
If a man complained that his wife started to spend a lot of time worrying about her looks, that she wasn’t critical, but it felt like a competition with their teenaged daughters, and that she wouldn’t placate their daughters when they said they looked good, that she will run with their son but doesn’t work out with the daughters.

I don’t think there would be a lot of comments like, “just enjoy it,” or “at least the girls won’t be fat,” or “it’s good she isn’t coddling them.”

Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 07:55     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!


You don’t see the downside of a father getting competitive with his teenage sons and refusing to let them win?


No. Eventually they will win. But it will be earned.


Uh huh.
You’ve never met a dad who didn’t allow his son to be stronger than him or a mom who didn’t allow her daughter to be prettier than her?

I’m pretty sure I have heard a story about this somewhere…


Didn’t allow the son to be stronger? What are you making up? Also it’s completely different than a mom competing with her daughter to be the most beautiful.

Are you going to complain next that the dad makes more money than sons?


The OP literally says that it feels like a competition and that it’s affecting her teen boys body image.

Why is it completely different if a man does this to his sons vs a woman doing this to her daughters?
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 07:53     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is he spending so much time on fitness that he is ignoring other priorities (work, family time, family responsibilities)?

Is he criticizing anyone else for not doing what he does?

If not, then he's not doing anything wrong. Let him be.

If he was, say, an obsessive pianist, would you get upset with him because he was setting an unreasonable standard for excellent piano playing?


We have a home gym so does not impact anything at home.

I think it is more of the boys challenging him to arm wrestle (or actually wrestle as one of ours does that for his sport). He will do it sometimes with them and they will talk trash but normally lose to him.

He does not criticize anyone - but when one of the boys may claim there arm is bigger or something he does not placate them.

Our daughter will sometimes run with him.


Fail to see the problem.
50 year old man taking care of himself.
Not critical of anyone.
Bonding with his children and not coddling his teenage sons.
The problem is you op why are you such a miserable person,?
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 07:41     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!


You don’t see the downside of a father getting competitive with his teenage sons and refusing to let them win?


No. Eventually they will win. But it will be earned.


Uh huh.
You’ve never met a dad who didn’t allow his son to be stronger than him or a mom who didn’t allow her daughter to be prettier than her?

I’m pretty sure I have heard a story about this somewhere…


Didn’t allow the son to be stronger? What are you making up? Also it’s completely different than a mom competing with her daughter to be the most beautiful.

Are you going to complain next that the dad makes more money than sons?


I’m not making it up. He trash talks the boys, wrestles and arm wrestles them and won’t let them win, won’t placate them when they say they are getting stronger or their muscles are getting bigger.

What are you reading that the OP is upset about?
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 00:24     Subject: Re:When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:The reality is people who work out extremely, run marathon, do CrossFit, do Iron Man have a higher rate of mental illnesses.

Has he always been high anxiety or is there some mental illness that he’s trying to stave away?

Has he always been insecure?



No way this is true, being a former serious runner all the people I knew from the teams and clubs I was on were normal healthy successful people.

Not sure about bodybuilders, maybe. Since they're doing it mostly for vanity and more likely to take lots of substances like steroids.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2026 00:08     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
It’s called cheating by the rest of us.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2026 23:32     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
OP - I fon’t see any issues with your dh or kids’ behaviours. I even love the fact that your daughter goes running with him. I’m in my 50’s and as we age our bodies just start shedding muscle mass until we’re old, frail and immobile. Eating right, lifting weights and maintaining your cardio capacity is really important if you want to play with your grandkids rather than watching them from a chair.

For me, I’ve given up some things I love to be healthier. I actually enjoy working out but I had high bp even on meds. Cutting out coffee and cycling more made it so that I could be off meds completely. My mornings suck but the rest of the day is great and now I’m not constantly having anxiety abkut not taking my health seriously.

Your dh is modeling a good example for your kids.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2026 23:25     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:This will never change. Fat people really hate it when someone else prioritizes health and get in shape.


This is an underrated comment.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2026 20:31     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!


You don’t see the downside of a father getting competitive with his teenage sons and refusing to let them win?


No. Eventually they will win. But it will be earned.


Uh huh.
You’ve never met a dad who didn’t allow his son to be stronger than him or a mom who didn’t allow her daughter to be prettier than her?

I’m pretty sure I have heard a story about this somewhere…


Didn’t allow the son to be stronger? What are you making up? Also it’s completely different than a mom competing with her daughter to be the most beautiful.

Are you going to complain next that the dad makes more money than sons?
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2026 19:14     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This was off and on coming for about 4 years where DH would get in good shape for the summer as we spent mist of it at the beach house with our kids.

Now they are teens and both boys are into some form of sport.
it is almost a competition it seems…he has almost a 6 pack at 50.

I am not sure but while I think it is great he is in shape it is not for any sport or hobby. He admits at his age it pure vanity driven and that he feels it sets a good example of discipline and hard work.

But with teens I am concerned (especially for our boys) that there is already a boy trend on body image and hyper masculinity that he is just reinforcing body image insecurity and….vanity?

Also I cannot help but think he resents me in some way for not being as into the health craze as he is.

He has someone other than you interested in him. Take it from experience



This


Sadly this is the truth.
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2026 18:20     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This was off and on coming for about 4 years where DH would get in good shape for the summer as we spent mist of it at the beach house with our kids.

Now they are teens and both boys are into some form of sport.
it is almost a competition it seems…he has almost a 6 pack at 50.

I am not sure but while I think it is great he is in shape it is not for any sport or hobby. He admits at his age it pure vanity driven and that he feels it sets a good example of discipline and hard work.

But with teens I am concerned (especially for our boys) that there is already a boy trend on body image and hyper masculinity that he is just reinforcing body image insecurity and….vanity?

Also I cannot help but think he resents me in some way for not being as into the health craze as he is.

He has someone other than you interested in him. Take it from experience



This
Anonymous
Post 02/24/2026 17:33     Subject: When your spouse becomes a fitness freak
Anonymous wrote:GLP is not giving any 50 year old (male or female) a 6 pack. By that age most peoples ab muscles have literally split and separated unless you have been exercising somewhat regularly your entire life.

You still obviously have them, but still building them and define them is seriously very rare at over 50.

Fat people on GLP still have to have all their excess skin removed to look half decent in a swimsuit or something. Forget about abs or muscle definition anytime soon.

I see people that age on instagram who are shredded, but they are like fitness consultants you hire.


I agree. GLP-1 will help you lose the fat. If you have loose skin, you need a plastic surgeon. If you want muscles, you have to put in the work (and likely add testosterone and maybe creatine).