ours did not do well on stimulants and is on a non-stimulant. non-stimulant doesn't have the weight gain issue. game changer. the meds work. he basically needed something to reduce impulsivity a bit. before that, was simply scattered and distractable. this strained relationships, tanked self-esteem.

other things that have helped:
- a hour outside is a must
- no/low processed foods, avoid dyes, reduce sugar and dairy
- fish oil & magnesium supplement
- really prioritize sleep with an hour or so wind down
- daily "free time" to decompress from being on at school and to let mind wander however
- magazines and books, really moderated screen time and gaming, and low access to digital
- calming activities and items, mindfulness, weighted blanket, dog
- service to others and faith based activities. feeling part of a welcoming, contributing community helps
- low demand sports (eg, rock climbing, rec swim, horse back riding)
- dedicated parent time, maybe 10 min a day, to listen to whatever zany thing he has to say
- therapy and unstuck and on target helped a bit too

ADHD dude can be tough but I think has a lot of good advice about setting rules, helping the family, and making sure not catering or over accommodating

Anonymous wrote:Our doctor was very clear that rewiring was much more likely with medication

ours was also clear on this and that longer term outcomes are much much better for kids who were medicated early. she's very up on the studies and this is what the studies show. we were convinced that medication was the much more responsible choice. we medicated DC early on - around 2nd or 3rd grade - just as the ADHD was starting to impact his self esteem. we caught that in time. it is not a magic fix but it helped so much. with the meds, the strategies the teachers were trying to teach him worked. before then, they did not. it's like the meds primed his brain to be able to accept the strategies. he also has been much much calmer. we did have to work thorugh several meds and med combos due to side effects and even one allergic reaction. finally hit on a good regimen. highly recommend working with a psychiatrist not just a pediatrician.

and yes the meds did impact his appetite but we figured out how to work around this. eats a good breakfast, smaller lunch, good dinner and then snacks liberally in the evening. also often doesn't take meds on weekends and holidays and eats more.

Our doctor was very clear that rewiring was much more likely with medication

Anonymous wrote:Meds are hit and miss.

Our child in hs never found one that effective.
And it seemed like they all killed their appetite to scary weight loss levels that we stopped several after a few weeks.

I like the coffee idea.

Our child though is 2e; and while 9th was extremely difficult/homebound due to a variety of mental health reasons eventually kids with just adhd find ways to to compensate as they get older.

2e kids typically implode around 8th grade or so when their disability catches up
With their high iq that let them get by.

I know it is hard now, but do not underestimate the young brain’s ability to re-wire itself with some therapy and professional help. Drugs do work, just not for everyone.

Good luck

Except studies show that the re-wiring is far more likely if the adhd is treated. Looking back, I coped my whole life because I probably fit the 2e profile, and public schools had more to worry about than me being bored and falling asleep in class and having a messy desk. I never made below an A- in my life, had perfect scores on my SATII's and near perfect scores on the SAT and ACT. I won every award, played all the sports, did all the things. Graduated first in my class in law school. But I suffered and masked and suffered and masked for years, developed so much shame about what I was "hiding," and developed so many random physical ailments. My dc's ADHD was pretty clear by about age 5, and by age 9 his self-esteem was taking a nose dive. DC presented differently than I did--he wasn't "coping" (though I wouldn't recommend "coping"). Online school during Covid didn't help. And like a PP said, it was getting worse as he got older.

It took trial and error to find the right meds, yes. It became a full-time job to work with specialists and physicians and to buy time with the school, which was losing patience with his increased anxiety (tied to getting called out in school all the time for impulsivity or inattentiveness, despite having nearly perfect scores on every single quiz and test). Given the storm of things we had to unwind, it was 24/7 work for about 8 to 12 months. I won't sugarcoat it. But we were working *towards* something, not just spiraling towards a worsening of things with little measurable relief. No amount of counseling or coaching can help a child with these symptoms in the moment, at school, under conditions of social and academic pressure. The whole reality of ADHD is that the child cannot access the tools they're learning through coaching without something quieting the part of their brain that isn't stimulated to focus.

And as trial and error goes, adhd meds are about as good as it gets. You know within days whether a stimulant will work, your kid knows whether they tolerate it, and if something doesn't work, it leaves their system just as quickly.

Few here cite sources, so I'll provide one recent study here:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38409281/ (showing that ADHD medications help "normalize" brain function and increase gray matter when started early and closer to symptom onset)

My bright, amazing child was developing the very real sense that he was "bad," that he didn't fit, that he was hated. ADHD meds may or may not work for your kid. And the medicine my child takes isn't perfect. But we've had *zero* calls from school this year. He comes home happy. He gets invited to things again. He is feeling smart again. He still has to work on impulsivity. We hired an EF coach. He still has the occasional meltdown if his routine is interrupted without notice. That's hard, but manageable. He refuses to take his vitamins sometimes, but he insists on the ADHD medication. The one time he forgot it, he came to us in tears about how hard it was for him to "keep it together."

I can't tell you what choice to make, but I can offer our experience as well as reports on scientific studies that back up the medication route.

Is it possible your child might have something other than ADHD? Or in addition to? What you're describing sounds almost like seizures. Your post described a student needing almost 1:1 attention. It's so hard to read tone online so be assured I am speaking with gentleness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you won't hear anything here other than medicate your kid and the stupid comparisons to conditions that require meds to live (insulin).
It is a tough road for sure without meds, but you need to decide what is best for your kid. Public school is more tolerant of ADHD kids than private. My kid refuses to try medications and we have let him decide due to side effects. He struggles in high school, but gets by in a demanding environment.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and her son is headed towards a mental health crisis.

I’m the PP who posted about shame as a side effect of ADHD. I absolutely agree that untreated ADHD is a huge risk factor for mental health crises, substance abuse issues, and other poor outcomes. I have an ADHD kid who uses stimulants (I didn’t want to use them; they helped tremendously).

But this same kid is also a type 1 diabetic. As much as I appreciate medication for ADHD — and have learned that it’s not actually something to fear — the two types of medicine really are not comparable. Without ADHD meds, DC is far more likely internalize some terrible messages and will be at higher risk for things I want them to avoid. Their life will be harder, for sure. But they will live. Without insulin, they’ll die, and soon — very likely in a matter of weeks.

So fwiw, it’s not my favorite comparison either.

That said, I think OP shouldn’t avoid a therapy that will help her son just because she’s afraid of what might happen. Because something is already happening.

DP. I’m not sure anyone is making an actual apples-to-apples comparison of these meds unless I missed something. The larger point of those posts seemed to be that we regularly treat physical illness/conditions with meds so why wouldn’t the same hold true for neurological illnesses/conditions?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you won't hear anything here other than medicate your kid and the stupid comparisons to conditions that require meds to live (insulin).
It is a tough road for sure without meds, but you need to decide what is best for your kid. Public school is more tolerant of ADHD kids than private. My kid refuses to try medications and we have let him decide due to side effects. He struggles in high school, but gets by in a demanding environment.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and her son is headed towards a mental health crisis.

I’m the PP who posted about shame as a side effect of ADHD. I absolutely agree that untreated ADHD is a huge risk factor for mental health crises, substance abuse issues, and other poor outcomes. I have an ADHD kid who uses stimulants (I didn’t want to use them; they helped tremendously).

But this same kid is also a type 1 diabetic. As much as I appreciate medication for ADHD — and have learned that it’s not actually something to fear — the two types of medicine really are not comparable. Without ADHD meds, DC is far more likely internalize some terrible messages and will be at higher risk for things I want them to avoid. Their life will be harder, for sure. But they will live. Without insulin, they’ll die, and soon — very likely in a matter of weeks.

So fwiw, it’s not my favorite comparison either.

That said, I think OP shouldn’t avoid a therapy that will help her son just because she’s afraid of what might happen. Because something is already happening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

NP. But we are facing a similar situation. DC refuses to take medication for a variety of reasons.

PP here, everyone with harsh, judgmental tones should keep in mind that it is BEYOND difficult to find a good psychiatrist and even if you find one you may not be able to get in within a year or two or be able to afford them. Also keep in mind that parents of kids with adhd are very l ikely to have it themselves so on top of working and childrearing and house responsibilities, it becomes really incredibly hard to find a care provider and have patience for the months and months of trials with meds. It’s just so hard. Just wanted to throw some sympathy out there for OP.

sure there can be barriers to meds but that's not the situation here. OP didn't say they couldn't find a doc, couldn't get in, etc. they said they are against meds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you won't hear anything here other than medicate your kid and the stupid comparisons to conditions that require meds to live (insulin).
It is a tough road for sure without meds, but you need to decide what is best for your kid. Public school is more tolerant of ADHD kids than private. My kid refuses to try medications and we have let him decide due to side effects. He struggles in high school, but gets by in a demanding environment.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and her son is headed towards a mental health crisis.

+1

Untreated ADHD is a big trigger for substance abuse in adulthood.

Anonymous wrote:NP, I completely understand your plight OP. We are hesitant to medicate because our adopted child was born addicted to substances and despite people saying stimulants are fine, his neurologist has suggested that there are risks. Some things have improved with increased physical activity, OT, and natural maturation. Sending hope that you find something that works for your child.

Could non stimulants help your child? I’m the poster above whose 9 year old is on guanfacine.

NP, I completely understand your plight OP. We are hesitant to medicate because our adopted child was born addicted to substances and despite people saying stimulants are fine, his neurologist has suggested that there are risks. Some things have improved with increased physical activity, OT, and natural maturation. Sending hope that you find something that works for your child.

Pp here. We’ve also started walking with her to school (a mile) and having her carry her own backpack. This is helping her and me regulate at the start of the day and it’s just nice time together too.

I hate to tell you this, but the only way I’ve found to help her without meds is ridiculous amounts of exercise that just aren’t feasible. Like I found over Christmas she was much happier after digging the driveway and path an cars out and on a vacation there were days she did much better the others and I found it was the days we walked at least 5 miles and she also had additional exercise like an hour or two in the pool. She laughs but I tell her I feel like she’s my little greyhound trying to live life in our apartment.

Our DD just turned 9. At about age 7 DH dint want to mediate and I (who medicates my own ASHD) did. We both recognized there were costs and benefits to either approach. We asked the developmental ped we see twice a year and he said “a child is responsible for learning at school, making and having friends, and being a valued and loved member of their family. If one area is affected by behavior it’s reasonable to consider medication. If two are, you should really consider it and if all three are you really owe it to your child to try.” It was clear to us we should.

We started at a very low dose of time release stimulant. My DD called it her “do nothing medication.” We stopped and dropped the ball for a bit. She’s spent 6 months now on 1 mg of guanfacine which seemed to help at first but now we’re not sure. But there definitely weren’t noticeable side effects except for a little sleepiness right at the start. We just bumped her up this week to two mg.

Meds are hit and miss.

Our child in hs never found one that effective.
And it seemed like they all killed their appetite to scary weight loss levels that we stopped several after a few weeks.

I like the coffee idea.

Our child though is 2e; and while 9th was extremely difficult/homebound due to a variety of mental health reasons eventually kids with just adhd find ways to to compensate as they get older.

2e kids typically implode around 8th grade or so when their disability catches up
With their high iq that let them get by.

I know it is hard now, but do not underestimate the young brain’s ability to re-wire itself with some therapy and professional help. Drugs do work, just not for everyone.

Good luck

Anonymous wrote:OP you won't hear anything here other than medicate your kid and the stupid comparisons to conditions that require meds to live (insulin).
It is a tough road for sure without meds, but you need to decide what is best for your kid. Public school is more tolerant of ADHD kids than private. My kid refuses to try medications and we have let him decide due to side effects. He struggles in high school, but gets by in a demanding environment.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and her son is headed towards a mental health crisis.