Anonymous wrote:Thinking back, are there any red flags when you were dating? Lessons we could pass along to our sons and daughters.

Yes.

We met in professional school. He relied on the structure of professional school socializing for a life outside of studying. He wasn’t proactive socially and took advantage of the effort of others. Same in situations like study groups or cooperative projects. He was mild-mannered and nice so people didn’t question it, me included.

Big procrastinator about anything that wasn’t fun after we graduated but were still dating. There was always something work-related that took precedent but it was sort of ok because we were hustling to build our careers. He relied on a future provider image to cover the fact that he was a taker or just lazy in the present.

Kind of mean about money in a way that was confusing. Would spend generously on friends’ wedding presents, group trips, public gifts for family. But was nickel and dime-y about splitting expenses even when we had a difference in salaries or even if I had been more generous about a previous expense.

And this is embarrassing, but selfish in bed. I took it as assertive at first and thought I just needed to communicate my needs more or something. Or that we were still getting to know what we each needed. That selfishness was indicative of literally everything that happened later.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yes. I regret marriage and kids. My quality of life is soooo much lower.

I resent being the primary parent and still expected to work. He mansplains to me about finding a better job as if I could travel like he can.

He’s also unkind to me and says rude things.

Same. If I could do my life over again not a chance I'd marry.

I agree, if you are a woman there are so many other ways to have kids and a family with way more legal and financial protections!

Yeah, the results are in and fatherlessness is FANTASTIC for kids.

Most marriages with fathers are fatherlessness.

What are the results on planned fatherless?

30-40% of pregnancies are fatherless children right out of the gate.

Then if the married with children births, half of those opt out of anything fatherly.

Tell him to take a five year assignment abroad. It’s the best for everyone

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Anonymous wrote:Are you in therapy? If not, that should be your first step.

OP here. I am in therapy. We are working through why I can't just leave him. Shame, guilt, and fear, all related to the impact divorce might have on the kids. I just can't put my mental health first.

Because coparenting with a divorced selfish a-hole IS THE SAME as living with a negligent selfish a-hole, for you and the kids.

Quiet quitting was the only thing that got me through the last 2 years of my marriage before I divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you in therapy? If not, that should be your first step.

OP here. I am in therapy. We are working through why I can't just leave him. Shame, guilt, and fear, all related to the impact divorce might have on the kids. I just can't put my mental health first.

Ain’t it fascinating that they neglected and emotionally abused women are still so concerned for and manly caring for their children.

Think like a man. Don’t care at all! School will handle it. The end.

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Anonymous wrote:TL;DR this thread?

Do not, under any circumstances, marry an American woman.

Isn't the theme of this thread not to marry an American man?

If you're delusional or holding your phone upside down.

Most non-American women in the world would be happy to be married to men like those described above.

Zero men in the world want women like this. The value proposition is worse than zero.

Exactly, and check out the human rights and women’s rights violations elsewhere! We be missing out murica! Get them back in the home where they belong.

"America is under the boot of a fascist regime. I love and respect other cultures."

"Yeah, same. I love other cultures so much I want to marry into them."

"NO NOT LIKE THAT!!!"

Anonymous wrote:Please understand that this will have an effect on your kids and can influence how they go about looking for a partner.

Lots of people had neglectful, ignorant fathers they never depended on for anything but a warm body on the sofa and some paycheck. No coaching, no emotional support, no real conversations, no worries or concerns, no parenting or disciplining, no care.

Thinking back, are there any red flags when you were dating? Lessons we could pass along to our sons and daughters.

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Anonymous wrote:I thought the “quiet quitting” trend was during Covid.

I don't think this is a trend, it's just a cute new name. It's a truism that by the time a woman tells a man she's leaving, she's tried and tried and tried to fix things, grown resentful, given up, and cannot be won back. Men threaten divorce as a tactic to bring women into line, women just leave when they're completely out of (&#s to give.

I feel badly for the women going through this but I also don't think it's anything new or trendy.

+1. For me it’s quitting trying for any emotional intimacy or connection. It’s not going to happen. I’ll get it elsewhere. It sucks so hard that he’s blind to how unhappy I have been for years — despite telling him multiple times in attempts to have conversations about it. Or maybe he sees and just doesn’t care. What else can you do when your partner has shown over and over and over again that they just. don’t. care. ?

Exactly! You just don't care back! That's what you do.

+1

Not that they’ll ever admit that’s exactly what happened in exactly that order. They’re too ego centric and delusional to handle the truth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TL;DR this thread?

Do not, under any circumstances, marry an American woman.

Isn't the theme of this thread not to marry an American man?

If you're delusional or holding your phone upside down.

Most non-American women in the world would be happy to be married to men like those described above.

Zero men in the world want women like this. The value proposition is worse than zero.

Exactly, and check out the human rights and women’s rights violations elsewhere! We be missing out murica! Get them back in the home where they belong.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, based on talking to my friends, this is very common, especially for the ones who married American women. Otherwise, not so much.

Most of my friends make mid six-figures, financially very comfortable, but the wives have insisted on having a very busy career of their own--one that usually amounts to less than my friend's income tax. They've begged their wives to let the hobby job go, take more time with family, etc., but the women prefer the persecution complex of "having to do it all" and "a woman's work is never done" "third shift" and all that.

Didn’t catch that, what exactly was the foreign man’s role and responsibilities in that household if his working wife was doing everything her self on the homefront?

And your solution is what? Quit doing anything else but homefront stuff? Why? Does he suddenly appreciate you more, arrange housekeepers or so something not for himself only?! lol, thx for the tradwife or emerging markets hometown post.

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Anonymous wrote:Yes. I regret marriage and kids. My quality of life is soooo much lower.

I resent being the primary parent and still expected to work. He mansplains to me about finding a better job as if I could travel like he can.

He’s also unkind to me and says rude things.

Same. If I could do my life over again not a chance I'd marry.

I agree, if you are a woman there are so many other ways to have kids and a family with way more legal and financial protections!

Yeah, the results are in and fatherlessness is FANTASTIC for kids.

Most marriages with fathers are fatherlessness.

What are the results on planned fatherless?

My daughter is at an all-girls’ school with probably higher than usual numbers of SMBC families. The girls are some of the top academic performers and leaders in the classroom, and their moms are really nice and seem happy. The moms counterintuitively seem to have more obligations but less stress than those of us with nominal partners.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I regret marriage and kids. My quality of life is soooo much lower.

I resent being the primary parent and still expected to work. He mansplains to me about finding a better job as if I could travel like he can.

He’s also unkind to me and says rude things.

Same. If I could do my life over again not a chance I'd marry.

I agree, if you are a woman there are so many other ways to have kids and a family with way more legal and financial protections!

Yeah, the results are in and fatherlessness is FANTASTIC for kids.

Chosen fatherlessness can be far healthier than having a person in a man’s body in the vicinity but not acting as a father.

Anonymous wrote:TL;DR this thread?

Do not, under any circumstances, marry an American woman.

Yes, leave us TF alone. Go be a passport bro. No one will miss you.