Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who constructively say that you are longing to help children grow and to nurture them.

I think it would help you to do some more people-centric volunteering. Something based on your skills etc. as a mom and perhaps as a professional. There are a variety of possibilities.

I had 2 boys. I am basically fine with that. But I really wanted to help a little girl with all the pitfalls of being female that I faced. I hope I get daughter-in-laws and that they like me. I'm not counting on it but that is my hope for filling the small gap where a daughter might have been. I came from a matriarchy with a large cohort of girl cousins so I miss how my young life was a little bit.

I can also say my younger kid is less sweet and does stress my husband out. If birth order was reversed, perhaps he would have been my only.

I think far more women have pangs of regret regarding the fact that they did not have a daughter. Having a daughter is a much different experience when it comes to mothering than having only boys. I think this regret is far more common than not having enough kids.

I have 2 boys, no regrets here. Yes, it might have been nice to have “one of each.” But honestly having boys at this point seems like being on easy mode. My younger boy has autism and is very quiet. And he just gets to be an autistic kid. The other boys don’t care too much at all because he runs around with everyone at recess and PE and can talk about Legos and Minecraft. And my older boy is a good student, good influence at school, hard worker, and plays his instrument plus 2 other instruments that he mostly is self-taught on because he just really likes music. And he is gassed up INCESSANTLY by the teachers at his school and even other parents for behavior that is just “regular” for girls. He’s like a super star, it’s insane. I did all that stuff and more as a middle schooler and no one gave a F because people have always expected girls to be 110% perfect. I don’t have to manage their social lives or make friends with the “right” moms to encourage the “right” friendships. I don’t have to buy the “right” clothes other than just whatever Nike/Adidas/etc. that I can get at TJ Maxx half the time. It’s really quite remarkable vs. my own lived experience as a girl/young woman/adult.

I fully intend to be not an insane MIL if my kids ever get married or have kids. I was very close to both sets of grandparents growing up. My extended family on my mom’s side was indeed more close-knit, but that was more just personalities and people living closer.

I have one boy and having a girl sounds like a nightmare if that’s what it entails. I’ve always been a tomboy myself and probably neurodivergent and I simply would not participate in any of that shallow nonsense and hopefully be able to teach my daughter not to either.

Anonymous wrote:Advice for younger women - don’t let men make the decisions. If he only wanted one child and the OP wanted three they should have compromised on two.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Similar here, except I have 2. Always wanted more, kind of thought we’d agreed to have more, husband was never ready. Now it’s too late.

I spent years feeling super sad about this. It’s gotten gradually better over time. One thing that’s helped me is thinking that I don’t want to waste the time I do have with my kids regretting that I don’t have more or regretting how fast they are growing up. So I make a concerted effort to focus on the time I have with them right now, and to enjoy that stage.
I do try to be grateful for what/who I do have. I know that can be a challenge at times.

Depending on your age, you could theoretically have another child, but this would still require your spouse to be on board, which I assume he isn’t. Same goes for fostering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who constructively say that you are longing to help children grow and to nurture them.

I think it would help you to do some more people-centric volunteering. Something based on your skills etc. as a mom and perhaps as a professional. There are a variety of possibilities.

I had 2 boys. I am basically fine with that. But I really wanted to help a little girl with all the pitfalls of being female that I faced. I hope I get daughter-in-laws and that they like me. I'm not counting on it but that is my hope for filling the small gap where a daughter might have been. I came from a matriarchy with a large cohort of girl cousins so I miss how my young life was a little bit.

I can also say my younger kid is less sweet and does stress my husband out. If birth order was reversed, perhaps he would have been my only.

I think far more women have pangs of regret regarding the fact that they did not have a daughter. Having a daughter is a much different experience when it comes to mothering than having only boys. I think this regret is far more common than not having enough kids.

I have 2 boys, no regrets here. Yes, it might have been nice to have “one of each.” But honestly having boys at this point seems like being on easy mode. My younger boy has autism and is very quiet. And he just gets to be an autistic kid. The other boys don’t care too much at all because he runs around with everyone at recess and PE and can talk about Legos and Minecraft. And my older boy is a good student, good influence at school, hard worker, and plays his instrument plus 2 other instruments that he mostly is self-taught on because he just really likes music. And he is gassed up INCESSANTLY by the teachers at his school and even other parents for behavior that is just “regular” for girls. He’s like a super star, it’s insane. I did all that stuff and more as a middle schooler and no one gave a F because people have always expected girls to be 110% perfect. I don’t have to manage their social lives or make friends with the “right” moms to encourage the “right” friendships. I don’t have to buy the “right” clothes other than just whatever Nike/Adidas/etc. that I can get at TJ Maxx half the time. It’s really quite remarkable vs. my own lived experience as a girl/young woman/adult.

I fully intend to be not an insane MIL if my kids ever get married or have kids. I was very close to both sets of grandparents growing up. My extended family on my mom’s side was indeed more close-knit, but that was more just personalities and people living closer.

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids (12,15,18) and I'd be so depressed if we only had one. Each one adds so much to our lives.

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids (12,15,18) and I'd be so depressed if we only had one. Each one adds so much to our lives.

Anonymous wrote:I have one child. I would have loved to have 3 but my husband was never ready for another. My one child will be out of the house in a few years. I am so sad and resentful. It is just so much regret for me and I don’t know how to ever move past that. Not sure what I’m looking for but posting but maybe some words of wisdom from others who have dealt with regrets?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of people with many children are sad and resentful. It doesn’t solve the core issue.

+1

Also, plenty of people resent a younger sibling and/or the way they were treated because of him/her. You are/were a much better mother to your only than you would’ve been otherwise.