Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 17:41     Subject: Birthday party no shows
It’s rude at any age and any time to respond with a yes and then no show.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 16:57     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they don’t open it or respond, they aren’t interested. It’s an invitation not a summons.


I knew the non-responders would show up with their justifications.


They are proud of the fact they don't look at invites and don't care if their kids are involved in the social scene. Very odd people so it must run in the family any way.


They're the ones who don't go to birthday parties because that's "family time." A two-hour party cuts into the five of them blocking an aisle together at Costco.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 16:18     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop doing parties like this. There really is no reason. You don’t need a special “party package” to enjoy any venue. Invite a few kids, pay for them when they get dropped off, order a pizza there if you can or take the kids back to your house for cake and ice cream. Two adult drivers should be able to transport at least kids. This is what we do and it’s so much nicer than the party package stuff.


So the solution is to not have a party your child wants because some guests are rude and don’t show?


Surely your kid can find something to do that doesn’t require you to commit to a specific number of people AND prepay for that exact number. I honestly can’t think of any venue where that is the only way to do it. Even climbing…you can pay per person. I’ve don’t climbing parties. They don’t even provide instructors. Even if yours does, you don’t have to use them. An adult that does the 30 min training can be the designated belay person for multiple kids, maybe 3-4?


Op here. When you book a party, they request a headcount a few days ahead of time. On the day of, I could probably even change it. When the party already started and you are expecting this person to come, they don’t adjust after the party. Don’t know what to tell you.

There are some rude people on this website who seem to think no showing is ok. This girl is a good school friend of my child. The mom is a bit of a mess. It is what it is.

Some people have their shit together and others don’t. If you have a work meeting, you would put it on your calendar. If your child has a birthday party that you RSVPd yes to, I would think that they would have some sort of calendar to remind them. Who knows?

We have a seven figure income and this $50 is nothing to us. I still think these people are really rude.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 14:14     Subject: Birthday party no shows
All those with bad manners certainly have a lot of excuses.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 14:08     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop doing parties like this. There really is no reason. You don’t need a special “party package” to enjoy any venue. Invite a few kids, pay for them when they get dropped off, order a pizza there if you can or take the kids back to your house for cake and ice cream. Two adult drivers should be able to transport at least kids. This is what we do and it’s so much nicer than the party package stuff.


So the solution is to not have a party your child wants because some guests are rude and don’t show?


Surely your kid can find something to do that doesn’t require you to commit to a specific number of people AND prepay for that exact number. I honestly can’t think of any venue where that is the only way to do it. Even climbing…you can pay per person. I’ve don’t climbing parties. They don’t even provide instructors. Even if yours does, you don’t have to use them. An adult that does the 30 min training can be the designated belay person for multiple kids, maybe 3-4?


I think this is about so much more than the cost per person. It is just as rude not to flake on a house party when you are expected. As a parent I am far more concerned about how children feel when they are expecting friends to come and then they don’t.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 13:32     Subject: Birthday party no shows
There are too many expensive kids parties now. Just have some cake and ice cream and games at home.

I really think most people are overwhelmed right now.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 13:12     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop doing parties like this. There really is no reason. You don’t need a special “party package” to enjoy any venue. Invite a few kids, pay for them when they get dropped off, order a pizza there if you can or take the kids back to your house for cake and ice cream. Two adult drivers should be able to transport at least kids. This is what we do and it’s so much nicer than the party package stuff.


So the solution is to not have a party your child wants because some guests are rude and don’t show?


Surely your kid can find something to do that doesn’t require you to commit to a specific number of people AND prepay for that exact number. I honestly can’t think of any venue where that is the only way to do it. Even climbing…you can pay per person. I’ve don’t climbing parties. They don’t even provide instructors. Even if yours does, you don’t have to use them. An adult that does the 30 min training can be the designated belay person for multiple kids, maybe 3-4?
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 12:30     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:I think an additional issue (because the first issue is people are RUDE) is that now that most children attend childcare, and there is a strong feeling that every child in the class should be invited, that can get to 20 invites. Then add a few family friends' kids, a cousin or two and it's a big, expensive, party.

And yet, NOT inviting all 2 or 3 or 4 year olds to a party when you KNOW a child is going to talk about it ad nauseum for a week before and a week after their party is very rude and feels horrible. And, truly, the classmates are friends - some are better friends than others, but we all talk about "my friends at preschool" and teachers talk about "we are all friends here" so...

And therefore, my 1 child will get 20 invites, which is a lot.

Again - I should STILL RSVP to them - even if it's a NO it's better than a nothing. (and WORSE it to show up without RSVPing yes! I'd never do that, actually.)


You're acting really put out about this. But the all class invites stop around 7. You'll go from 20 invites to maybe a handful and then the hurt feelings start when it's just 4 besties and your kid is the 5th and didn't make the cut and is upset. Then you'll wish for the easy breezy days of too many invites to know what to do with.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 12:27     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:Stop inviting those people. I remember who they are and know that they are not for us.


+1 This happened to me where I wanted to invite all the kids in my kid's K class to be inclusive. One mom asked if she could invite her kid's twin sister (not in my kid's class).

And then she didn't show up and I had to pay for two no-show kids.

After that, i moved to having parties where I know the parent/kid.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 12:26     Subject: Birthday party no shows
I think an additional issue (because the first issue is people are RUDE) is that now that most children attend childcare, and there is a strong feeling that every child in the class should be invited, that can get to 20 invites. Then add a few family friends' kids, a cousin or two and it's a big, expensive, party.

And yet, NOT inviting all 2 or 3 or 4 year olds to a party when you KNOW a child is going to talk about it ad nauseum for a week before and a week after their party is very rude and feels horrible. And, truly, the classmates are friends - some are better friends than others, but we all talk about "my friends at preschool" and teachers talk about "we are all friends here" so...

And therefore, my 1 child will get 20 invites, which is a lot.

Again - I should STILL RSVP to them - even if it's a NO it's better than a nothing. (and WORSE it to show up without RSVPing yes! I'd never do that, actually.)
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 11:34     Subject: Birthday party no shows
I send many reminder texts, evite reminders to the countdown to the parties.

Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 11:21     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Three things that help a lot:

1) use software that tracks who has opened the invite. Text everyone who hasn't opened it. Spam filters and things get lost. You can also send automated reminders.

2) Include an ICS invite! I'm surprised by how few people do this. It's so helpful. Make a calendar invite and include the relevant details.

3) plan a party that's flexible. If you have a bigger space than you need, and if the headcount doesn't directly change the cost, it's way less stressful. So like, a rented room and trays of food. Of course you still need to estimate but you're not going to sweat the specific numbers. I know this isn't always possible with venues etc.


By software, do you mean something like Evite that does it for you? Or do you mean you actually found and downloaded software to allow you to see if someone opened your email??

I've always texted or separately emailed the non openers. I've never, ever had a non opener then RSVP Yes. Either they saw the email and aren't interested, or... I don't know what else. But I've never had someone claim it went to spam or they forgot, then RSVP Yes. It's always, "Oh, I forgot, and Jake can't make it!"


Evite or there are others. Ive had lots of people rsvp yes to the text!

Imo if someone RSVPs yes and they don’t come, they forgot, and I really think sending an ICS invite helps with that. For me if it’s not on my calendar, it doesn’t exist. If I RSVPed yes but then got distracted before I copied all the details to my calendar, there’s a good chance I’ll forget. Just save them a step.

Not saying it excuses anybody but you might as well make it as easy as possible.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 11:13     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they don’t open it or respond, they aren’t interested. It’s an invitation not a summons.


I knew the non-responders would show up with their justifications.[/quote]

+1

No, it is not a summons, but someone took the time to think of your child and include them. You don't have to go, but you should thank them for the invitation and decline.

Just RSVP people.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 10:54     Subject: Re:Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:I think there are universal rules and etiquette of hosting events and hospitality that most people can't be bothered to follow in this country. The lack of generosity towards guests is so shocking sometimes that I wonder if it is even worth it for anyone to attend any party.

As an immigrant, I have adapted and made sure that all my celebrations and events are well attended and go as planned. I would hate to be a poor host. I have my own process in place so that my kids are never disappointed and no one ever loses face.



In what culture do you think it isn’t bad manners to RSVP to a party and just not show up? It is universally rude.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2026 10:34     Subject: Birthday party no shows
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop inviting those people. I remember who they are and know that they are not for us.


This works until like 4th grade maximum. These are KID parties and kids want THEIR friends there. My kids have an uncanny knack for making friends with kids whose parents are not my style. I make it work.


My kids don’t so we’re all on the same page anyway. If I don’t like the family or kid it’s pretty easy to discount the friendship and not try to make it work. All 3 of my kids are older than 4th.