Anonymous wrote:Development offices give me the creeps. Using data scraping services to estimate your wealth is definitely an invasion of privacy even if it is legal.

Just do not engage with these folks. If you want to make a donation, do it on your own terms. Otherwise make a $100-200 donation for annual participation only and don’t give them another thought. It is really not worth your time.

+1

Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.

If your school did OP leave.

Yes, they do. We were recently asked for $25k.

Anonymous wrote:I would laugh in their face, but that's just me.

No. I would have too and it would have been spontaneous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.

If your school did OP leave.

Not true - I work in Development and hour Head specifically tailors his amounts to according the research on the family's capacity.

Definitely creepy. Your “research” is just an abuse of the privacy of the families at the school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re been asked for $100k ($20k for 5 years, more specifically) 3 times. Unlucky to be at 2 schools and 1 church during capital campaigns. Your income may put you in that category or they made a mistake based on something else.
Whatever it is, it’s not a big deal. Commit a smaller amount and move on.

Op, yes, they said they would “offer the option” of paying over 5 years if we couldn’t cough it up today.

Whatever their alleged wealth detectives discovered - and again, we have no hidden wealth or family help— it is insane to ask for 20 percent of a family’s salary so they can have fancier buildings! (My friend who works in development at a neighboring small private said things are often based on house value — our house cost 820k when we bought it right before Covid but the value has gone up, as have everybody’s.) she said in her school they do not bother asking the regular full pay parents for specific sums and focus on the known super wealthy.

Im trying to fathom why I feel so hurt and angry when you guys are right and we can just say no. I guess I wanted to feel appreciated for scraping together full tuition for 5 kids, not to mention putting my younger kids in the school’s pipeline amidst crashing birth rates, but clearly those efforts mean nothing. I’ve heard that many more applicants for k this year are only children and i wonder if that’s actually an advantage because families can funnel all those resources fully to the school and they don’t even have to bother educating anybody!

How considerate!!

Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.

If your school did OP leave.

Not true - I work in Development and hour Head specifically tailors his amounts to according the research on the family's capacity.

Development offices give me the creeps. Using data scraping services to estimate your wealth is definitely an invasion of privacy even if it is legal.

Just do not engage with these folks. If you want to make a donation, do it on your own terms. Otherwise make a $100-200 donation for annual participation only and don’t give them another thought. It is really not worth your time.

I work in Advancement at a private and this is just what they do. You have zero pressure to say yes. Just tell them it's not in the cards for you. Feel free to say the other things you said in your original post, too. They cast a wide net and put themselves out there hoping they'll get some yes's, but you have no obligation to give, and they know that. They probably did a wealth screening and saw your assets, but didn't take into account all of your expenses.

Yes, sometimes they over ask. Believe it or not some people are very generous with these things, even when their kids aren’t going to benefit from the building project. Give what you feel you can afford. Spread it over five years. But don’t pull your kids out of the school if you like the school. That’s ridiculous.

Assuming OP is not a troll, just say “we are not able to participate at this time.” And leave it at that.

Once you are asked for a meeting with the HOS and someone from the Advancement office, what did you think the meeting would concern? There is literally no other topic that would involve these 2 other than a major gift. Just decline any meetings.

BTW there are companies that literally provide financial information on potential major donors, what their proposed assets would be and potential gift amounts. Schools/colleges/nonprofits subscribe to these services and often use this info to decide who to ask and for how much. These services are NOT new. I’ve been on the boards of nonprofits and private schools (one on which hired the former head of advancement for GWU so it’s also used at colleges) and they all used these services. Kind of creepy but they had all your information.

Anonymous wrote:We’re been asked for $100k ($20k for 5 years, more specifically) 3 times. Unlucky to be at 2 schools and 1 church during capital campaigns. Your income may put you in that category or they made a mistake based on something else.
Whatever it is, it’s not a big deal. Commit a smaller amount and move on.

Op, yes, they said they would “offer the option” of paying over 5 years if we couldn’t cough it up today.

Whatever their alleged wealth detectives discovered - and again, we have no hidden wealth or family help— it is insane to ask for 20 percent of a family’s salary so they can have fancier buildings! (My friend who works in development at a neighboring small private said things are often based on house value — our house cost 820k when we bought it right before Covid but the value has gone up, as have everybody’s.) she said in her school they do not bother asking the regular full pay parents for specific sums and focus on the known super wealthy.

Im trying to fathom why I feel so hurt and angry when you guys are right and we can just say no. I guess I wanted to feel appreciated for scraping together full tuition for 5 kids, not to mention putting my younger kids in the school’s pipeline amidst crashing birth rates, but clearly those efforts mean nothing. I’ve heard that many more applicants for k this year are only children and i wonder if that’s actually an advantage because families can funnel all those resources fully to the school and they don’t even have to bother educating anybody!

Anonymous wrote:I mean this sincerely, but you give them pocket change. Maybe $100 at most, and then you move on. This may not be the school for you. You can participate and have no obligation for anything more. If they keep bothering you after this, you switch schools.

+1 don’t feel like you need to make a large donation just because the ask was huge. Go small.

We’re been asked for $100k ($20k for 5 years, more specifically) 3 times. Unlucky to be at 2 schools and 1 church during capital campaigns. Your income may put you in that category or they made a mistake based on something else.
Whatever it is, it’s not a big deal. Commit a smaller amount and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.

It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.

It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.

It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.

I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.

Not OP. But above is not correct. There are some private schools which are elementary grades 1 to 5 only or only go to grade 6.

I’m not really aware of any in the DC area. Seneca is the only one I can think of. Maybe there are some Catholic schools.

I’m thinking primarily of secular private schools.

NPS only goes to 6th

I work in a job where I (we actually) have to ask people for money all the time. It's fine to say no. Also we sometimes overshoot on an ask - we try not to, because that usually doesn't work out well, but it happens. Just say no. Any development person worth their salt will consider this a normal part of doing business.

Actually saying no will be considered "engagement" and some will consider that excuse enough to keep going back. Ghosting is the most effective no, but perhaps not possible if your kids are there!