Anonymous wrote:I wish more women would choose to drop some of the "invisible load" nobody asked them to carry. Usually, they will realize everything will be just fine.

I never carried it.
Some enjoy being the load carrier though

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard for everyone when Mom starts matching energy, which is what happens when all the reproductive hormones that were encouraging mom to build a home and ignore all the crap disappear. Men can get really resentful when they have to do stuff, and it’s coming at a time when most women just refuse to care anymore.

This describes my marriage (still married). I have good overall energy due to HRT, but I just don't care anymore. I'm done being everyone's caretaker and rock. I'm taking care of myself now, and if it results in the end of my marriage, fine, maybe even great. DH and I don't actually have much in common anymore, other than kids. I have some remaining bucket-list travel that would be more fun to do with friends or solo than with DH. My kids need to learn to take care of themselves before they leave for college. I suppose if my spouse were a great partner to me, I'd feel differently, but they're not, so whatever. He'd probably leave me or cheat on me if I got sick. That summarizes marriage in midlife - whatever. Take it or leave it.

It’s hard for everyone when Mom starts matching energy, which is what happens when all the reproductive hormones that were encouraging mom to build a home and ignore all the crap disappear. Men can get really resentful when they have to do stuff, and it’s coming at a time when most women just refuse to care anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.vice.com/en/article/what-is-menodivorce-the-midlife-marital-crisis-no-one-talks-about/

So, when women hit that time, they are done with their menfolks.

After 15-20 years of parenting and maintain a home in spite of a deadweight ManChild, I’d agree: Time for Divorce.

ManChild can go find a new Mommy figure. Sans kids she won’t know what hit her until she actually has to rely on him for something.

It's hearing this... again, and again, and again, and again... that makes me realize that my husband suddenly announcing his intent to divorce (yes there was an AP) was maybe lucky for me, in that it freed me of about 15 years of this. Total crap for my kids though.

What has happened with the kids the last 10-15 years, after he hit the Easy Button and bailed on his first marriage and set of kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

I'm 54 and have an 18 and 16 yo.

55 with an almost 18 year old and 20-year old. Empty next year. I turn 56 soon

Yeah GenX runs from 1965-1980. Quite a range.

My ‘66 GenX has 30-year olds. I’m 1970 with an 18- and 20-year old. She also had kids on her late 20s. I had mine mid-late 30s. Most of my friends that are my age (55-56) just hit empty nest or are hitting it by 2027.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

I'm 54 and have an 18 and 16 yo.

55 with an almost 18 year old and 20-year old. Empty next year. I turn 56 soon

I was done with everyone during menopause, the white hot rage was real.

Anonymous wrote:Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

I'm 54 and have an 18 and 16 yo.

Most Gen Xers are not empty nesters. I'm 50 and have a 17 and 14 yo at home, and a college kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.vice.com/en/article/what-is-menodivorce-the-midlife-marital-crisis-no-one-talks-about/

So, when women hit that time, they are done with their menfolks.

After 15-20 years of parenting and maintain a home in spite of a deadweight ManChild, I’d agree: Time for Divorce.

ManChild can go find a new Mommy figure. Sans kids she won’t know what hit her until she actually has to rely on him for something.

It's hearing this... again, and again, and again, and again... that makes me realize that my husband suddenly announcing his intent to divorce (yes there was an AP) was maybe lucky for me, in that it freed me of about 15 years of this. Total crap for my kids though.

Same situation. Freedom for the old-age version of me but utter hell for our kids right now and until they’re 18. I hope I can make up this part of their lost childhood by using the energy I would have used for STBX in his old age to instead be a caregiver to their children one day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.vice.com/en/article/what-is-menodivorce-the-midlife-marital-crisis-no-one-talks-about/

So, when women hit that time, they are done with their menfolks.

After 15-20 years of parenting and maintain a home in spite of a deadweight ManChild, I’d agree: Time for Divorce.

ManChild can go find a new Mommy figure. Sans kids she won’t know what hit her until she actually has to rely on him for something.

It's hearing this... again, and again, and again, and again... that makes me realize that my husband suddenly announcing his intent to divorce (yes there was an AP) was maybe lucky for me, in that it freed me of about 15 years of this. Total crap for my kids though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish more women would choose to drop some of the "invisible load" nobody asked them to carry. Usually, they will realize everything will be just fine.

Many of them want the load. If they lived alone with no spouse and no children, they would assign themselves the same unnecessary tasks. But they also want to be praised as heroes and pitied as martyrs for doing what they want to do.

Trust me I’m not assigning myself any tasks now that I’m happily divorced. I go to gym every other day, travel, socialize with friends, grow intellectually reading and going to exhibits. I could do none of it when married. My exH would offload childcare on me and do all of it for himself over the weekend anyways.

Anonymous wrote:I wish more women would choose to drop some of the "invisible load" nobody asked them to carry. Usually, they will realize everything will be just fine.

Many of them want the load. If they lived alone with no spouse and no children, they would assign themselves the same unnecessary tasks. But they also want to be praised as heroes and pitied as martyrs for doing what they want to do.

Anonymous wrote:I wish more women would choose to drop some of the "invisible load" nobody asked them to carry. Usually, they will realize everything will be just fine.

Loser kids are cool!!

Anonymous wrote:I wish more women would choose to drop some of the "invisible load" nobody asked them to carry. Usually, they will realize everything will be just fine.

I dropped “the calendar”… expected my H to know where to go and the with kids.

He showed up to Games on the wrong day and the wrong place. It was a disaster. It was hilarious though I let it go on for three months.