I know a couple where the man had a very obvious midlife crisis in his 40s: changed his appearance, bought a sports car, and left his wife and kids for a young twenty-something ditz. That relationship lasted for 6 years and then he came crawling back on his hands and knees to his wife. She made him jump through a bunch of hoops over several years before she let him back in the home. Fast forward: they are both pushing 80 and seem to be happy they survived that bizarre detour that could have destroyed their family. She was a saint imho. But she openly shares that she was playing the long game for the sake of the kids and her own financial well-being and security.

I also know far too many men and women who have blown up their families. It never lasts with the affair partner.

I can’t imagine how anyone could risk their family for an affair and eventually divorce.

Anonymous wrote:Finding someone for sex isn't going to make you feel any more loved or wanted or cared for.

Focus on yourself and what you need to get where you want to go.

sometimes sex does and it is so easy to get for a woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine found a married whore online. Disgusting scumbags. It wasn’t love. They fkkkd up two families with their selfishness at 50 for absolutely nothing. They had great lives. Self-loathing losers.

Reality hit at 55 and they are both miserable fks all alone, each throwing one another under the bus.

It’s mental illness—-bpd, narcissism, delusions of grandeur….a fantasy that then blows up in their faces.

And, yeah, I’m not a whore looking to go out and fk strangers in midlife. I’m still hot and could- but wtf- who is just having random sex with randos??? Dumb whores

I am a woman and a lot of us do. It is just sex, you are thinking too much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Most men shouldn't have children. They don't want to give up their selfish lives or want the responsibility. That's why it's easy for them to just walk away from their kids, too. These men are scumbags.

Why do most women need a man? What for? We out educate them, more and more women are out earning men, and if the woman really wants a child, she can either adopt or go to a sperm bank. The only thing I really need from a man is their brute strength. I can always hire those.

You surround yourself with some pretty pathetic men. If I look back on all the circles I've been in - dad of my friends growing up, friends of my parents, college friends' dads, co-workers' dads, husband's friends, and now current friends and parents of my kids' friends - I can think of only a handful of dads who weren't great.

I think the PP is a man-hater who just had bad luck with men all her life. I have had several wonderful men in my life - my dad, uncles, husband, brother and a few male colleagues and one of them was a mentor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

How is you finding someone for sex in the best interests of your children?

Your friend is an idiot.

Are you?? Sex is a great form of self care. Having OP’s needs by just dating is the best thing for her kids. Her cup needs to be full to pour into her kids.

I have been into two really big heartaches in my love lives and I used both techniques. for one, I slept around and it felt good to be wanted, reaching O and some attention but got old pretty soon. For second, I stayed off dating for more than a year (no sex) and got my act together. More fulfilling but I still can't find a reasonable man.

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

I am sorry OP you are at this point. Has he filed for a divorce yet? Is there any indication of an affair? If there is not an affair (and you REALLY need to be sure), try waiting it out. Mine acted all detached from me and I figured he was having an affair for a while but did not have the balls to separate/divorce. I am doing it now myself. Took me some time though to reach this decision..

OP, just a quick note to say thinking of you. If you're in the path of this storm. I just remember going through this abandonment, betrayal, and shock - and there were certain times that just felt harder. Something like this would have been tough for me for many reasons

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Most men shouldn't have children. They don't want to give up their selfish lives or want the responsibility. That's why it's easy for them to just walk away from their kids, too. These men are scumbags.

Why do most women need a man? What for? We out educate them, more and more women are out earning men, and if the woman really wants a child, she can either adopt or go to a sperm bank. The only thing I really need from a man is their brute strength. I can always hire those.

You surround yourself with some pretty pathetic men. If I look back on all the circles I've been in - dad of my friends growing up, friends of my parents, college friends' dads, co-workers' dads, husband's friends, and now current friends and parents of my kids' friends - I can think of only a handful of dads who weren't great.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Troll

Most fathers do nothing fatherly.

I think you need to find a new group of friends. That has not been my experience. All the fathers except my exBIL including mine, DH’s, and all my close girlfriend’s husbands, were great dads. All DH’s friends have been there for their kids even if their marriages didn’t last.

My circle is half and half. What I see is that it just takes one dad slacking off or giving up in a social circle to give all the other dads permission to do the same. Add in cultural differences or other things and it can be hard to surround your kids with positive examples of fathers. I’m really grateful to the dads of my kids’ sports teammates for at least giving them a glimpse of how things should or could be.

One dad in our social circle is a slacker. One evening while we were all hanging out watching football he ignored his kids and his wife ended up taking them home. After they left the other dads all excoriated him. They said he should be ashamed of himself, he should be a more present father, he should be a better husband, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another woman here in the same boat, but cannot imagine dating as the solution to the complete unwanted upheaval of my life.

I’ve searched for an explanation for why he did this, and have nothing. Apparently it is a thing. Over the past few months I’ve been quietly introduced to sisters and friends-of-friends and acquaintances in the same boat. There’s a lot of questioning (is he cheating on you? What did you do?!) that pushes us into silence, which makes it even more isolating. It’s also quite rare for the man to be the one to leave in a marriage of college-educated equals, which compounds the judgement.

You’re not alone.

From what I've seen, it's always the men who cheat/leave/melt down.

I hope you found chumplady.com .

It's hard to imagine but someday you might feel like you are better off. It takes a while and your kids' situation needs to be stabilized. But have hope. In a few years, you will likely have reached equilibrium again.

It's not. My former co-worker's wife up and left him and their two sons for a man in Germany. Just left the country. This was five years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Most men shouldn't have children. They don't want to give up their selfish lives or want the responsibility. That's why it's easy for them to just walk away from their kids, too. These men are scumbags.

Why do most women need a man? What for? We out educate them, more and more women are out earning men, and if the woman really wants a child, she can either adopt or go to a sperm bank. The only thing I really need from a man is their brute strength. I can always hire those.

Can you pick high IQ and good looks from the sperm bank?

Yes, you can preselect by education and looks. Usually these are medical students

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Most men shouldn't have children. They don't want to give up their selfish lives or want the responsibility. That's why it's easy for them to just walk away from their kids, too. These men are scumbags.

Why do most women need a man? What for? We out educate them, more and more women are out earning men, and if the woman really wants a child, she can either adopt or go to a sperm bank. The only thing I really need from a man is their brute strength. I can always hire those.

Can you pick high IQ and good looks from the sperm bank?

Lawyer up. File for at fault divorce on grounds of abandonment and take him for what he’s worth. Your children deserve a father, but if he’s not going to do that, they deserve his financial support.

Concede nothing.

How’s your financial situation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Midlife crises? I don’t know. It’s depressing. Now I find myself a single mom in midlife.

Any tips from those who’ve BTDT?

A friend told me to just go on dates and sleep with someone.

You are fine. Do not panic. Men are useless anyway. Your life is better without them.

Men are not useless. Most women need a man. And children absolutely need their fathers.

Most men shouldn't have children. They don't want to give up their selfish lives or want the responsibility. That's why it's easy for them to just walk away from their kids, too. These men are scumbags.

Why do most women need a man? What for? We out educate them, more and more women are out earning men, and if the woman really wants a child, she can either adopt or go to a sperm bank. The only thing I really need from a man is their brute strength. I can always hire those.