Anonymous wrote:May I ask what defines emotional intimacy?
Genuinely curious because I have been married to someone who seems genetically predisposed to only being interested in what interests him, which includes his family (my family seems non-existent).
His parents are similar in the lack of interest in what other people do for a living, their families, their goals, their dreams. All conversations revolve around themselves or are fluffy pleasant talk.
This emotional intimacy - what if it's only a one way street?

Then you stop giving so much of yourself to him. He can’t read the room, nor can his parents. Nothing will change because they likely never cared in the first place.
It’s a hard lesson to learn - people like this ultimately don’t give a hoot about anyone else, and you can’t make them.
Take care of yourself, lower your expectations, and mentally flake out of this BS situation you are in.

May I ask what defines emotional intimacy?
Genuinely curious because I have been married to someone who seems genetically predisposed to only being interested in what interests him, which includes his family (my family seems non-existent).
His parents are similar in the lack of interest in what other people do for a living, their families, their goals, their dreams. All conversations revolve around themselves or are fluffy pleasant talk.
This emotional intimacy - what if it's only a one way street?

Just FYI if you stop caring about sex then he will stop caring about emotional intimacy - or housework, or things you want, or talking to you at all.

Anonymous wrote:I do crave emotional intimacy. I also find it much easier to be emotionally intimate with a woman if we are sexually intimate.

I don't crave monogamy, which leads to problems since most women link emotional intimacy to monogamy.

you sound like an exhibitionist. if you can crave emotional intimacy with multiple partners something is wrong with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience they don’t care as much as women. The only men really invested in emotional connection that I met were in the early dating phase or gay

What do you mean by “emotional connection”? Every man I have dated seriously has wanted to spend
time with me and get to know me. Do you need men to stare you in the eye while weeping about their dead grandmother?

The key word is you DATED. During dating men are very caring and want to get to know you and spend time either you.in long term partnership job issues, health issues, parenting issues etc often make men switching to a more practical-problem solving attitude and emotional connection with the partner could suffer. Life happens and is not the same vibe as chatting in a coffee place during a first date

Anonymous wrote:In my experience they don’t care as much as women. The only men really invested in emotional connection that I met were in the early dating phase or gay

What do you mean by “emotional connection”? Every man I have dated seriously has wanted to spend time with me and get to know me. Do you need men to stare you in the eye while weeping about their dead grandmother?

In my experience they don’t care as much as women. The only men really invested in emotional connection that I met were in the early dating phase or gay

Of course they do. Both scenarios exist; just be open, and you'll find the good ones.

I'm a 40yo woman so have dated from 25-50yo men. I think a lot of it is generational.

The older men I've dated couldn't have cared less about an emotional connection. Sometimes they just wanted sex, often they wanted a woman to make their own lives easier.

But the younger men I've dated absolutely want one. They're looking for a true partner in every sense of the word, and I think a lot of that comes from watching their own parents' dysfunctional relationships.

I'm currently dating a 30yo old man who is successful and smoking hot. He could have literally any woman he wanted. But he prioritizes emotional connection and long-term relationship potential over sex, so he's been very picky.

If you're having trouble with older guys, try going younger. Early 30s seems to be a pretty good place, they're ready to settle down but not yet jaded like older men.

Anonymous wrote:Do men care about building a long-term relationship with someone and really knowing them as a person? Do they value that depth?

Or is it really just about the sex and the woman being happy, compliant, and making his life easier?

I'm having a string of interactions lately that are making me believe it's the latter and that's depressing. If that's the case, I'd rather abstain.

if you are asking that question, you are interacting with the wrong men, you have low regard for men generally, or you have low self esteem - probably all three.

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I'll add that I think the only reason why men aren't just continuing to have sex with 18- 25 year olds their entire lives is simply that they don't have the opportunity. It's not aligned with women's preferences (not that many 18 year olds want to sleep with 50 year-olds) and it's also not socially acceptable. But if these constraints were removed, I think that's the direction men would go. Whereas if women's constraints were removed, they would probably stay with their same age partner (or slightly older) their entire lives. Or at least have serially monogamous relationships.

This is so true. And disturbing to think about.

I didn't when I was younger. I do more as I get older.

This thread is a perfect encapsulation of this forum.

Anonymous wrote:IME they care about it when they need a woman to serve as their therapist and ego soother.

Sadly this is it for most men, in my view too.

It’s what call girls apparently call “the girlfriend experience.” I imagine they provide sex, endless compliments, a laugh for every attempted joke, and a sympathetic ear with lots of nodding. And of course are hot.

The quality men want true connection. But they are few and far between.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do men care about building a long-term relationship with someone and really knowing them as a person? Do they value that depth?

Or is it really just about the sex and the woman being happy, compliant, and making his life easier?

I'm having a string of interactions lately that are making me believe it's the latter and that's depressing. If that's the case, I'd rather abstain.

No and no.
Yes, it really just about the sex and the woman being happy, compliant, and making our life easier.

Hah! Men like this bring nothing to the table and just want a controlled sex doll. Don't date men like this op.