Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many posters are caught in a bubble. I recently switched doctors, and my new doctor mentioned that one of his kids didn’t go to college at all and is instead doing an apprenticeship. That surprised me, since you’d assume a doctor’s child would be aiming for a top college. Another one of his kids did get into highly ranked schools but chose to start at Montgomery College because he didn’t think paying $80–90k per year was justified.

Outside of the DCUM bubble, it seems like more people are making practical, level-headed decisions as college costs continue to skyrocket. A lot of the school snobbery you see is really just people trying to justify the expense and feed their own egos.

Correct. Those who think 80-90k/yr is justified need to get their head examined. Unless they feel it’s fair to be overpaying so that others can attend at lower/no cost — because that is how this works.

By your logic, is anything above the baseline ever justified? people buy Cadillacs, 6000 sq feet houses, purses with 4 digit price tags all the time.

Interesting thread. I find the people most obsessed with where their kids go went to unimpressive schools themselves. The insecurity is sad. It’s like stage parents, college edition.

A thousand years ago, when I was an undergrad, I contemplated going for a PhD and pursuing a career in academia. I had a conversation with one of my favorite teachers, a brilliant, newly-minted PhD who I idolized -- and just happened to be in the thick of job hunting.

"Don't do it," he said. "There are no jobs. The Boomers are never going to retire, and the top schools aren't adding many jobs. You're going to get stuck at some random school in the midwest" -- just like he did, I guess. I later learned that he was hired by the University of Illinois before ending up at a university in Canada (where he was from.)

He had a point: Over the past 30 years, the number of PhDs awarded has significantly outpaced the growth in traditional, tenure-track academic teaching positions -- while Boomers have held on for a very long time in existing roles.

That's made it increasingly challenging for PhD's to find so-called "good" jobs -- but it's a boon for our kids: Well-trained, exceptionally-qualified, highly motivated, all-around-brilliant researchers and instructors are distributed at a much wider range of schools than there were when we were undergrads.

So it's not just that we were snobs then and now we're getting over it. In fact, the same pressures that making it so much harder now for kids to secure spots at the most selective schools also mean better teaching, higher-quality research, and more talented peer cohorts beyond a small subset of schools, as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, once you've attended a top school, you realize how wonderful it is. It's terrible to say, but it is such a special 4-year bubble. The problem is those of us who went to a top school know this, and want the same for our kids, it's only natural. I am not being snotty at all, but once you know what's "behind the gates" it's hard to unknow it and not want that for your kid. If you walk around the UWS or UES of NYC on the weekends, you see these top 25 t-shirts on many...and they all have the best jobs in the major cities. It pays itself forward...

I don't think you have to go to a T25 to get this. I know many, many people who have similar feelings about their experiences at state flagships and SLACs outside the T25. I also know people who were not happy at their top school, and the number of such people has grown in recent years -- going to Harvard now is NOT the same as going to Harvard in the 90s or early 00s. Some people still love their experience, yes, but others are miserable.

Main thing is that it's a lot more difficult to go to Harvard now than the 90s. Those who went to Harvard in the 90s probably can't even get in Cornell these days with their high school accomplishment back in the day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or to win the parenting war as someone said on here a couple of weeks ago.

Winning a parenting war by going to a name brand college?! That's hilarious!

Why do you think people put stickers on their cars? You get more status points for that than for driving an expensive car or having an expensive handbag (men don't care about the bags).

+1

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, once you've attended a top school, you realize how wonderful it is. It's terrible to say, but it is such a special 4-year bubble. The problem is those of us who went to a top school know this, and want the same for our kids, it's only natural. I am not being snotty at all, but once you know what's "behind the gates" it's hard to unknow it and not want that for your kid. If you walk around the UWS or UES of NYC on the weekends, you see these top 25 t-shirts on many...and they all have the best jobs in the major cities. It pays itself forward...

I don't think you have to go to a T25 to get this. I know many, many people who have similar feelings about their experiences at state flagships and SLACs outside the T25. I also know people who were not happy at their top school, and the number of such people has grown in recent years -- going to Harvard now is NOT the same as going to Harvard in the 90s or early 00s. Some people still love their experience, yes, but others are miserable.

Also, those of us who attended top schools as middle class or UMC, non-legacy students 20 or 30 years ago were obviously highly academic, ambitious kids. It makes sense that we really loved being at a school with mostly similar kids in an environment that was very academically focused. But that's not every kid. It's not even ever smart kid. Some people want a different kind of bubble and would be absolutely miserable in the sort of environment we thrived in, especially as these schools have only gotten more competitive. They are for a very specific kind of kid. If you aren't that kid, even if your parents were, it might not be the right place for you (whether you can get in or not).

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, once you've attended a top school, you realize how wonderful it is. It's terrible to say, but it is such a special 4-year bubble. The problem is those of us who went to a top school know this, and want the same for our kids, it's only natural. I am not being snotty at all, but once you know what's "behind the gates" it's hard to unknow it and not want that for your kid. If you walk around the UWS or UES of NYC on the weekends, you see these top 25 t-shirts on many...and they all have the best jobs in the major cities. It pays itself forward...

UWS/UES has more old money/legacy/donor. But there are also tons of low ranked T-shirts there. Hamilton, Colgate, Vassar. In fact, lots of NYU T-shirts.

Around Tribeca you will more diverse range of T-shirts.

I'm sorry, once you've attended a top school, you realize how wonderful it is. It's terrible to say, but it is such a special 4-year bubble. The problem is those of us who went to a top school know this, and want the same for our kids, it's only natural. I am not being snotty at all, but once you know what's "behind the gates" it's hard to unknow it and not want that for your kid. If you walk around the UWS or UES of NYC on the weekends, you see these top 25 t-shirts on many...and they all have the best jobs in the major cities. It pays itself forward...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many posters are caught in a bubble. I recently switched doctors, and my new doctor mentioned that one of his kids didn’t go to college at all and is instead doing an apprenticeship. That surprised me, since you’d assume a doctor’s child would be aiming for a top college. Another one of his kids did get into highly ranked schools but chose to start at Montgomery College because he didn’t think paying $80–90k per year was justified.

Outside of the DCUM bubble, it seems like more people are making practical, level-headed decisions as college costs continue to skyrocket. A lot of the school snobbery you see is really just people trying to justify the expense and feed their own egos.

Correct. Those who think 80-90k/yr is justified need to get their head examined. Unless they feel it’s fair to be overpaying so that others can attend at lower/no cost — because that is how this works.

What about those of us who don't even notice $90K/yr. I don't need to justify it because it's a minor expense. And, sense we have been paying for private school since DC was 5 the incremental isn't enough to even be noticed. Are we not making a practical decision based on our circumstances?

this. I make more in stock gains alone for two full pay kids (x2, at least). the idea I'd tell my kid not to go to a 95k a year school and instead go to a 40k a year school - that thinking isn't relevant to me. I get it is for most, but there are many people who make this in a month.

”I mean it’s one banana, Michael. How much could it cost?”

+100

Anonymous wrote:I think a sizable minority of us, including me, are recovering school snobs. We went to elite schools ourselves, and that’s been a big part of our identities, but it’s not the right path for some of our kids. So here we are, working it out.

+1 It took me a while to get over being a school snob. I went to WASP then Chicago b'school. Then top consulting firm then banking, it stays part of your identity into your 30's, lol. Until you realize it doesn't matter. Now with a senior in HS, it is clear that DC can get a great education at so many different schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or to win the parenting war as someone said on here a couple of weeks ago.

Winning a parenting war by going to a name brand college?! That's hilarious!

Why do you think people put stickers on their cars? You get more status points for that than for driving an expensive car or having an expensive handbag (men don't care about the bags).

Anonymous wrote:Or to win the parenting war as someone said on here a couple of weeks ago.

Winning a parenting war by going to a name brand college?! That's hilarious!

There are no school snobs on DCUM. No status obsessed weirdos here. Just entirely well-adjusted people interested in finding the right schools for their children, emphasizing quality of education and personal growth.

Indeed, on DCUM, “prestige” is just the friends we made along the way!

Anonymous wrote:The most competitive and anxious parents I have found are the ones that they themselves did not go to T25 but sent their kids to private HS and paid for expensive activities and private college counselors and want their kids to go to Ivy/ Ivy +

Ah yes, the striver thread comes back to life. That is who you are describing and you are spot on. These people try way too hard and because they didn't actually go to the schools have no clue what they are doing but the worst part of it is that they think they do and think the world should adapt to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many posters are caught in a bubble. I recently switched doctors, and my new doctor mentioned that one of his kids didn’t go to college at all and is instead doing an apprenticeship. That surprised me, since you’d assume a doctor’s child would be aiming for a top college. Another one of his kids did get into highly ranked schools but chose to start at Montgomery College because he didn’t think paying $80–90k per year was justified.

Outside of the DCUM bubble, it seems like more people are making practical, level-headed decisions as college costs continue to skyrocket. A lot of the school snobbery you see is really just people trying to justify the expense and feed their own egos.

Correct. Those who think 80-90k/yr is justified need to get their head examined. Unless they feel it’s fair to be overpaying so that others can attend at lower/no cost — because that is how this works.

What about those of us who don't even notice $90K/yr. I don't need to justify it because it's a minor expense. And, sense we have been paying for private school since DC was 5 the incremental isn't enough to even be noticed. Are we not making a practical decision based on our circumstances?

this. I make more in stock gains alone for two full pay kids (x2, at least). the idea I'd tell my kid not to go to a 95k a year school and instead go to a 40k a year school - that thinking isn't relevant to me. I get it is for most, but there are many people who make this in a month.

”I mean it’s one banana, Michael. How much could it cost?”