Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 13:17     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate to see people judging the idea of transferring if being in a sorority is something a girl really wants to be a part of her college experience. Of course there are other ways to make friends, but sometimes girls just want Greek life. Mine was the girl who transferred a few years ago and found her place at another school- the school that had been her second choice university when the admissions process started. She received a bid from chapter at her initial school from a sorority that she tried to drop every round, not because they were “bottom tier,” but because it was too quirky for her and she really didn’t see herself in it. She felt like the ISC was trying to place her there just for that chapter to meet their quota for their pledge class. She didn’t feel a connection to those girls and felt like the conversations were awkward and forced with nothing in common.

OP- there’s so much hope for your daughter no matter what she decides to do, whether it’s transfer and rush again, go to the chapter that wants her and gives her a bid (and seeing how the pledge period goes- maybe it surprises her in a good way?), staying at the current uni and immersing herself in clubs, etc. The good news is that it sounds like she has an incredibly supportive parent who will support her no matter how she chooses to move forward.


That’s an utterly embarrassing story. I wonder how your daughter is going to handle when it’s time to interview for jobs.


Actually, she graduated already and is doing great! She was well prepared by the school that was the better fit for her, had the support of great friends (both in and out of the sorority) through the interviewing process, and her sorority life helped build connections during interviews/ helped with networking where she is now. It all worked out.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 13:16     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate to see people judging the idea of transferring if being in a sorority is something a girl really wants to be a part of her college experience. Of course there are other ways to make friends, but sometimes girls just want Greek life. Mine was the girl who transferred a few years ago and found her place at another school- the school that had been her second choice university when the admissions process started. She received a bid from chapter at her initial school from a sorority that she tried to drop every round, not because they were “bottom tier,” but because it was too quirky for her and she really didn’t see herself in it. She felt like the ISC was trying to place her there just for that chapter to meet their quota for their pledge class. She didn’t feel a connection to those girls and felt like the conversations were awkward and forced with nothing in common.

OP- there’s so much hope for your daughter no matter what she decides to do, whether it’s transfer and rush again, go to the chapter that wants her and gives her a bid (and seeing how the pledge period goes- maybe it surprises her in a good way?), staying at the current uni and immersing herself in clubs, etc. The good news is that it sounds like she has an incredibly supportive parent who will support her no matter how she chooses to move forward.


That’s an utterly embarrassing story. I wonder how your daughter is going to handle when it’s time to interview for jobs.


Why would her decision to not be in a particular sorority come up in job interviews?


I’m pretty sure the poster meant will the daughter run to mommy if a job interview doesn’t go as expected.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 13:14     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
This seems like an odd thing for a parent to be involved in. You know she’s an adult right?
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 13:13     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP
Michigan. She was already struggling with the size of the school and had been holding out hope that this would help her with community.


Only 18% of Michigan undergrads are in fraternities/sororities. I truly don't understand why she thinks this is the only way she can find community. What else has she done?


You could say same thing about UCLA, but for better ir worse, this was my daughter’s vision and the girls she connected with do it. The percentage doesn’t matter.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 13:09     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
If this from OP's post:

"She doesn't care about Greek life but just deeply wants friends and a community."

Then, why even rush? There are many other ways to find community at Michigan, without the expense and stress described here.

The daughter will figure this out. And hopefully find herself free in the end of this wacky and flawed popularity contest / high school style drama.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 13:07     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
If she doesn't care about Greek life but just wants friends and a community, why can't she be in the lower tier house?

Look, I get it, it's an ego-blow (something similar happened to me in college and I'm only 33 so I sadly still remember it pretty well) but I wound up with friends. Friends are better than nothing.

If she gets a bid encourage her to take it and truly give the house a chance. She can always drop.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:59     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP
Michigan. She was already struggling with the size of the school and had been holding out hope that this would help her with community.


I understand. My DD had the issue at UCLA, but all worked out. Friends from dorm etc invited her to parties, formals at their sororities. And got what she wanted in sophomore rush. No one even cares by junior year. Her to try to join activities to branch out. This too shall pass. Have had some tears, so I understand.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:58     Subject: Re:When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The lowest tier houses mean she'll be separated from all her current friends. And the lower tier houses are not a guarantee themselves. She could very likely not be either of them either.

I guess my true question is (let's not get caught up in house tiering) is: what happened to your kid if they were either not matched to any house or separated from all their current friends? Did they bounce back socially? Did they transfer?


It is early times at UVA, she shouldn’t assume her friends will end up in “better”houses. There are a lot of rounds left and they will get dropped and good chance she could end up with a few in same sorority.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:54     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate to see people judging the idea of transferring if being in a sorority is something a girl really wants to be a part of her college experience. Of course there are other ways to make friends, but sometimes girls just want Greek life. Mine was the girl who transferred a few years ago and found her place at another school- the school that had been her second choice university when the admissions process started. She received a bid from chapter at her initial school from a sorority that she tried to drop every round, not because they were “bottom tier,” but because it was too quirky for her and she really didn’t see herself in it. She felt like the ISC was trying to place her there just for that chapter to meet their quota for their pledge class. She didn’t feel a connection to those girls and felt like the conversations were awkward and forced with nothing in common.

OP- there’s so much hope for your daughter no matter what she decides to do, whether it’s transfer and rush again, go to the chapter that wants her and gives her a bid (and seeing how the pledge period goes- maybe it surprises her in a good way?), staying at the current uni and immersing herself in clubs, etc. The good news is that it sounds like she has an incredibly supportive parent who will support her no matter how she chooses to move forward.


That’s an utterly embarrassing story. I wonder how your daughter is going to handle when it’s time to interview for jobs.


Why would her decision to not be in a particular sorority come up in job interviews?


Why she decided to transfer universities may come up. And yes I often ask during interviews. It’s a good window into the candidate’s decision-making, judgement, and thought process.

Are you really this naive - I can’t tell if some of you are putting it on.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:51     Subject: Re:When sorority rush goes wrong
DD’s (now graduated) experience, to help you and DD gain perspective:

Agonized over freshman year rush; got into a mid-tier house.

Got a leadership position (good), but lots of drama (not good).

Did well in the leadership position, but didn’t get it renewed bc of drama. Received a scholarship from sorority for her community service work.

Continued on informally the next year, then studied abroad at a very well-known UK university, drama-free.

Substantially-reduced interest in the sorority while she finished her honors thesis senior year.

Graduated with honors; wore sorority stole along with her cords bc she stuck it out.

Working in professional field now; still has her friends but sorority is in the rear view.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:51     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate to see people judging the idea of transferring if being in a sorority is something a girl really wants to be a part of her college experience. Of course there are other ways to make friends, but sometimes girls just want Greek life. Mine was the girl who transferred a few years ago and found her place at another school- the school that had been her second choice university when the admissions process started. She received a bid from chapter at her initial school from a sorority that she tried to drop every round, not because they were “bottom tier,” but because it was too quirky for her and she really didn’t see herself in it. She felt like the ISC was trying to place her there just for that chapter to meet their quota for their pledge class. She didn’t feel a connection to those girls and felt like the conversations were awkward and forced with nothing in common.

OP- there’s so much hope for your daughter no matter what she decides to do, whether it’s transfer and rush again, go to the chapter that wants her and gives her a bid (and seeing how the pledge period goes- maybe it surprises her in a good way?), staying at the current uni and immersing herself in clubs, etc. The good news is that it sounds like she has an incredibly supportive parent who will support her no matter how she chooses to move forward.


That’s an utterly embarrassing story. I wonder how your daughter is going to handle when it’s time to interview for jobs.


Why would her decision to not be in a particular sorority come up in job interviews?
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:51     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your kind replies. DCUM can be awesome.

I (and she) recognize that there are many opportunities to meet people at college but she worked hard to forge the friendships she has (it was a bumpy fall) and she fears that these fledgling friendships will slip away when she is separated from each of them in greek life. She struggles with the size of the school in general.
It is very helpful to hear these experiences.


Broader perceptive, OP, broader perspective. These are friends for what - 4 months? Less if it was a “bumpy” fall. College is a time for growth and change. I’m honestly not convinced you see that.


Agree.

This American Greek system is a very weird system for a foreigner like me. The Norwegian in me wants to scream all of you are crazy….but my American daughter is in a sorority and loves it. But I still dont get it….
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:49     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:I hate to see people judging the idea of transferring if being in a sorority is something a girl really wants to be a part of her college experience. Of course there are other ways to make friends, but sometimes girls just want Greek life. Mine was the girl who transferred a few years ago and found her place at another school- the school that had been her second choice university when the admissions process started. She received a bid from chapter at her initial school from a sorority that she tried to drop every round, not because they were “bottom tier,” but because it was too quirky for her and she really didn’t see herself in it. She felt like the ISC was trying to place her there just for that chapter to meet their quota for their pledge class. She didn’t feel a connection to those girls and felt like the conversations were awkward and forced with nothing in common.

OP- there’s so much hope for your daughter no matter what she decides to do, whether it’s transfer and rush again, go to the chapter that wants her and gives her a bid (and seeing how the pledge period goes- maybe it surprises her in a good way?), staying at the current uni and immersing herself in clubs, etc. The good news is that it sounds like she has an incredibly supportive parent who will support her no matter how she chooses to move forward.


That’s an utterly embarrassing story. I wonder how your daughter is going to handle when it’s time to interview for jobs.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:47     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for your kind replies. DCUM can be awesome.

I (and she) recognize that there are many opportunities to meet people at college but she worked hard to forge the friendships she has (it was a bumpy fall) and she fears that these fledgling friendships will slip away when she is separated from each of them in greek life. She struggles with the size of the school in general.
It is very helpful to hear these experiences.


Broader perceptive, OP, broader perspective. These are friends for what - 4 months? Less if it was a “bumpy” fall. College is a time for growth and change. I’m honestly not convinced you see that.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 12:46     Subject: When sorority rush goes wrong
I hate to see people judging the idea of transferring if being in a sorority is something a girl really wants to be a part of her college experience. Of course there are other ways to make friends, but sometimes girls just want Greek life. Mine was the girl who transferred a few years ago and found her place at another school- the school that had been her second choice university when the admissions process started. She received a bid from chapter at her initial school from a sorority that she tried to drop every round, not because they were “bottom tier,” but because it was too quirky for her and she really didn’t see herself in it. She felt like the ISC was trying to place her there just for that chapter to meet their quota for their pledge class. She didn’t feel a connection to those girls and felt like the conversations were awkward and forced with nothing in common.

OP- there’s so much hope for your daughter no matter what she decides to do, whether it’s transfer and rush again, go to the chapter that wants her and gives her a bid (and seeing how the pledge period goes- maybe it surprises her in a good way?), staying at the current uni and immersing herself in clubs, etc. The good news is that it sounds like she has an incredibly supportive parent who will support her no matter how she chooses to move forward.