All these sighs and we will do our best things are going to lead to the very fights and disappointments you fear.

There is nothing wrong with saying
1. We have $x saved now for your college. Unless we have job losses we expect that will be $Y by the time you are a senior in HS.
2. Therefore, that means about $Y/4 will be available each year for college expenses including tuition and room and board.
3. Schools that cost more would require you to get need based or merit aid.
4. We are unable to take out loans on your behalf.

My parents were poor. They told me in 6th grade they had nothing available for college. Focused me wonderfully.

We evaluated each school on its merit. My son ended up going in state. However we would not hae ruled out private/high tuiton if the value were there. VT ended up being the bet school for his major (engineering) of all the schools he got into. However I cerrainly would have paide for MIT had he gotten in, but I would not have paid for Elon.

My kid has been dreaming of MIT since he was little. He is going into 9th and I was honest and said I am not sure we have enough money for MIT but we will do our best to figure it out if he gets in.


But we also started exploring other programs at state schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that parents who say their kids can't attend a private school from the get go often have a very poor understanding of the college process. Merit and need based aid can often even out the costs between public and private options.

I'd make sure my kid was aware that his ability to get scholarships will affect his options and that you will need to consider cost in selecting which school he can afford to attend. That's probably enough info for 8th grade.

I went to an extremely expensive private school and got need based scholarships. My kids wont qualify for need based scholarships and I won't let my kid take on loans. Its a realistic conversation.

It isn't if you are leaving out merit. Merit aid is a huge factor in how much colleges cost.

In 8th grade, it makes sense for you kid to know that you have saved enough that you are confident that they will have good options, but that cost will be a factor in the decision. You'll likely be able to afford a variety of options, but not every option.

Details about what kind of schools can come later when you have a sense of what he wants, and what his stats are like.

Anonymous wrote:
We’ve also talked about gap years and community college. My kids are bright and motivated, but I think getting off the race to nowhere path might be good for them.

Might be worth it’s own thread, but has anyone seen a good list of gap year programs/ideas with enough structure so kids would stay on the path towards college?

Anonymous wrote:Did you redo your kitchen? Buy a second new car? You should have been saving for college

This is narrow minded. I could pay $100k/yr for my kid but I wouldn’t because it isn’t a good return on investment. This judgmental attitude toward parents who aren’t willing to pay for name brand luxury goods is perpetuated by people who are obsessed with ensuring others are also obsessed with “prestige”.

Did you redo your kitchen? Buy a second new car? You should have been saving for college