Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with neon hair, a small tattoo, and a piercing. Kid is at a top university. Has joked to me how the parents on the student tours will look at them askance and with fear in their eyes as they pass by on campus. This kid is a top of class student in chosen major, will graduate with honors, is employed, is nearing graduation, is being recruited, is doing very, very well. For Gen Z, dying hair and body art is like wearing checkered Vans with a mohawk was for Gen X.

Yes, freaks.

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 dyed her hair pink. To be fair I never told her she couldn’t, but she went and did it. I don’t necessarily feel the need to punish her, it’s really not that big a deal, but I do find this worrying. Maybe I wouldn’t if it was just a streak or something but dyeing ALL your hair (which she did) is what I would deem a cry for help. However, she seems her normal cheerful self, but due to the hair choices I know that’s not the case. Or at least I suspect it’s not the case. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t intervene? Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:Our very well-adjusted DD did this and she was not dealing with any apparent issues, so we just let her cook. My thesis is that tolerating small acts of “rebellion” in children helps them get it out of their system and avoids potentially larger ones down the road. It helped that most of the time it looked reasonably good, although there were a few color choices I suspect she’d like to have back.

Anonymous wrote:Our very well-adjusted DD did this and she was not dealing with any apparent issues, so we just let her cook. My thesis is that tolerating small acts of “rebellion” in children helps them get it out of their system and avoids potentially larger ones down the road. It helped that most of the time it looked reasonably good, although there were a few color choices I suspect she’d like to have back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can be a freak when she's supporting herself, out of the house, with her own money. If she wants an ordinary life in a family home, being gifted a college education - she's not to look like a freak

Some of the posts in this thread are so awful. The above is a classic example of conditional parental love. Sometimes I really feel like the parenting norms in this area are sick. If you ventured to virtually any other town outside the stuffy halls of DC you'd see that people are a lot more freely expressing themselves (tattoos, hair, piercings etc.) and frankly a lot of the people are more relaxed and happy.

Of *course* it’s good to check in on her mental health and how she’s doing generally given that it’s such a drastic change in her appearance, but trying to control her appearance and expression seems more likely to backfire than not

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, folks defending dyed hair are missing OP's point. It's not about dyed hair, which lots of people do.

A 16year old child made a drastic change to her personal appearance, and did so without talking to her mother about it first. Yes, mom has a right to notice a potential red flag. It's not about dying hair writ large. It doesn't sound like something the kid had been talking about and planning and that her freinds are all doing with excitement. It's not something she asked for, got a no, and did anyway. Those would be less concerning, normal teen behavior.

Signs for parents to look for in teens include unexpected and drastic changes in behavior or appearance, even if outwardly the child is acting like their "normal" self -- its called smiling depression and usually is accomanied by behaviors done in secrecy -- like unexpectedly altering your body without ever having talked about doing it before.

May not be going on here, but more information is needed about what was going on before she went pink.

I suspect child did not talk to mom because they know mom would lose their mind and freak out. This kid has been living with Mrs. “I worry about what my church friends will think” for their whole life and didn’t expect a fair conversation.

Anonymous wrote:I would care. It's weird. Sorry for your worry OP. I would worry too. How did she have this done? She drove herself in your car and spent money she has received from you to do this? If it happened at home, I would suspect instead you would know what is happening in your own home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 dyed her hair pink. To be fair I never told her she couldn’t, but she went and did it. I don’t necessarily feel the need to punish her, it’s really not that big a deal, but I do find this worrying. Maybe I wouldn’t if it was just a streak or something but dyeing ALL your hair (which she did) is what I would deem a cry for help. However, she seems her normal cheerful self, but due to the hair choices I know that’s not the case. Or at least I suspect it’s not the case. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t intervene? Thoughts?

I agree with you, I’d be deeply concerned and I’d voice that. I’d also sit down with her and review everything - school, friends, etc to see what’s causing this crisis. Clearly she is trying to tell the world she needs help. And damaging her hair in the process.

Anonymous wrote:OK, folks defending dyed hair are missing OP's point. It's not about dyed hair, which lots of people do.

A 16year old child made a drastic change to her personal appearance, and did so without talking to her mother about it first. Yes, mom has a right to notice a potential red flag. It's not about dying hair writ large. It doesn't sound like something the kid had been talking about and planning and that her freinds are all doing with excitement. It's not something she asked for, got a no, and did anyway. Those would be less concerning, normal teen behavior.

Signs for parents to look for in teens include unexpected and drastic changes in behavior or appearance, even if outwardly the child is acting like their "normal" self -- its called smiling depression and usually is accomanied by behaviors done in secrecy -- like unexpectedly altering your body without ever having talked about doing it before.

May not be going on here, but more information is needed about what was going on before she went pink.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? Who cares?

If my child did this they would be grounded. If anything OP’s response is tame.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? Who cares?

If my child did this they would be grounded. If anything OP’s response is tame.

Anonymous wrote:OK, folks defending dyed hair are missing OP's point. It's not about dyed hair, which lots of people do.

A 16year old child made a drastic change to her personal appearance, and did so without talking to her mother about it first. Yes, mom has a right to notice a potential red flag. It's not about dying hair writ large. It doesn't sound like something the kid had been talking about and planning and that her freinds are all doing with excitement. It's not something she asked for, got a no, and did anyway. Those would be less concerning, normal teen behavior.

Signs for parents to look for in teens include unexpected and drastic changes in behavior or appearance, even if outwardly the child is acting like their "normal" self -- its called smiling depression and usually is accomanied by behaviors done in secrecy -- like unexpectedly altering your body without ever having talked about doing it before.

May not be going on here, but more information is needed about what was going on before she went pink.

dyeing ALL your hair (which she did) is what I would deem a cry for help.

When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.