Anonymous wrote:OP is very brave (or stupid) for posting this question on this forum. Most of you have no time for/hate your aging parents.

Post after posts says 4 weeks is "a lot." It's not a lot. It's a decent amount, sure, but it's not a lot.

Sorry, but when my mom was 77, I was 46. At that time I had kids in elementary, full-time work and the whole household to run. What exactly do you mean 4 weeks is not a lot? There's absolutely no way I'd be able to visit my parents for 4 weeks every year in another location. Add to this ILs and we have 4 adults. Are you saying you're spending 4 months a year visiting your elderly parents/ILs? This is not possible for the majority of people with elderly parents/ILs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to go for a walk every day. If you had a dog, you would have to go for a walk at least twice a day. And the dog would be entertaining enough that you wouldn't be sitting around feeling bad and missing your daughter, who visits far more often than most people get.

A dog is not a person.

DP. But a dog can help. I have several elderly neighbors. The ones who have them walk them. A 95 year old just lost her dog, that she walked 2x/day, is suddenly struggling. She said it's hard to make herself walk when she doesn't have to for her dog.

I'm not saying a dog is for everyone. It just can help some people who live alone.

I’m struck how anyone could be upset that a 40-50 year old isn’t taking more than a month every year to visit them. OP isn’t braver, she’s insanely self centered and lost touch with caring at all about her daughter’s life.

OP do you expect your daughter to quit her job? Never take a vacation that she enjoys? Do you expect your grandchildren to skip school, mess up their grades, quit their sports teams etc all because you’ve decided you want more visits?

OP’s attitude is awful.

Aging is a part of life. You have reached a stage where you're slowing down and that's normal. Your daughter has her life busy with her own life, probably family, work etc. She cannot come and live your stage of life. Just like you cannot live hers. If you want her to visit all the time because you're lonely, you need to find peers to socialize with, different activities and in essence, a different outlook on your time left on this Earth. Your daughter cannot turn back time.

People here are ridiculous. Your daughter doesn't visit a lot but that's the trade off for not living near your parents. She visits a lot consider the distance.

No matter how much excercise and how healthy you eat old age and ultimately death comes to us all. If your body doesng shut down first your brainnusually does. Your daughter is young and optimistic. I think she will learn by the time she's your age.

OP, what do you do with your life? Do you have friends, activities, hobbies? If you're just literally sitting around between visits by your daughter, that is a waste of the life you've been given.

OP is very brave (or stupid) for posting this question on this forum. Most of you have no time for/hate your aging parents.

Post after posts says 4 weeks is "a lot." It's not a lot. It's a decent amount, sure, but it's not a lot.

Anonymous wrote:OP, she visits you alot

Yes, I love my parents and this way more than I see them.

Wow, this could have been my mother writing except all my visits didn’t add up to 4 weeks. But I did all the visits, and there was a gap in winter until spring. My mother refused to look after her health and then thought she was too old to see me.

All I can say is, if you are giving all you have, it doesn’t help to hear the other person wants more. There is no time or energy left to give.

Seriously, go for a walk. Doesn’t matter if you’ve never done it. Your daughter is a doll for visiting as much as she does. Mine is similar she just likes home. BUT I would never ever guilt trip her to visit more no matter the circumstances. She is young and independent and should be living her life. I’m sure you have a more positive outlook than this but reading your post it sounded like you’re just waiting to pass on. I’m sure you have a really full life so focus on living it.

Anonymous wrote:Look I am going to be blunt.
You are lucky she likes you enough to visit as much as she does.
Don't push it.
Some daughters actively dislike their mothers and never see them. Count your blessings.
Your cup is full. According to you only 3/4 full. That's better than many get.

Answer the questions: what do you do when she visits? Are you homebound?

This is cruel.

Look I am going to be blunt.
You are lucky she likes you enough to visit as much as she does.
Don't push it.
Some daughters actively dislike their mothers and never see them. Count your blessings.
Your cup is full. According to you only 3/4 full. That's better than many get.

Answer the questions: what do you do when she visits? Are you homebound?

I have a suggestion.

OP: Casually tell your daughter that you understand. Share that you're getting out more and met a nice young man who offered to redraft your will in his native language. And that, as an added benefit, he offered to get your rare coin & gold collection appraised while he gets his jeweler friend to authenticate the grade and weight of your diamond jewelry.

She visits you a lot. I get you wish it was more.

Anonymous wrote:You need to go for a walk every day. If you had a dog, you would have to go for a walk at least twice a day. And the dog would be entertaining enough that you wouldn't be sitting around feeling bad and missing your daughter, who visits far more often than most people get.

A dog is not a person.