Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC came home from first year at a northeastern college and they have a significant other (been dating since October). through casual conversation reveals that the significant other was committed to a mental institution for an attempt to take their life. This was when the individual was in middle school. DC told me the SO is on medication and it is all under control. Never encountered this type of situation before. Is this a major red flag? Or can people overcome these types of demons from a young age?

Plenty of people are living completely normal lives with mental illness. They don't tell people like you because clearly you're prejudiced. It is not a "major red flag." But you are! I hope she doesn't marry in to your family.

DP
Mental illnesses are genetic - why introduce those genes when there are plenty of other healthier options for my kid.

The only progress so far are some links that show Autism and Schizophrenia are genetically connected, specifically the Gene Shank3. Both serious disorders in their own ways.

There is no simple blood test for Shank3 Gene so anyone with autism or Schizophrenia have a high chance of passing it on.

There’s no reason to think this kid has any type of genetic disorder.

For what it's worth, bipolar is pretty heritable too. But I agree with your overall analysis of this situation.

And eating disorders, adhd, depression, anxiety all seem to have a genetic component. Basically most mental illness. But good luck finding someone that is totally without problems in their generation

Ugh. Anxiety runs in my family. My poor son has debilitating social anxiety. He will do anything to avoid social events. I have bouts of it from time to time with difficult situations. I take anti anxiety pills until the episode passes which could be weeks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC came home from first year at a northeastern college and they have a significant other (been dating since October). through casual conversation reveals that the significant other was committed to a mental institution for an attempt to take their life. This was when the individual was in middle school. DC told me the SO is on medication and it is all under control. Never encountered this type of situation before. Is this a major red flag? Or can people overcome these types of demons from a young age?

Plenty of people are living completely normal lives with mental illness. They don't tell people like you because clearly you're prejudiced. It is not a "major red flag." But you are! I hope she doesn't marry in to your family.

DP
Mental illnesses are genetic - why introduce those genes when there are plenty of other healthier options for my kid.

The only progress so far are some links that show Autism and Schizophrenia are genetically connected, specifically the Gene Shank3. Both serious disorders in their own ways.

There is no simple blood test for Shank3 Gene so anyone with autism or Schizophrenia have a high chance of passing it on.

There’s no reason to think this kid has any type of genetic disorder.

For what it's worth, bipolar is pretty heritable too. But I agree with your overall analysis of this situation.

You’re right, the scientists are finding genes that link the three disorders which means they are all heritable. Someone with Autism also has a higher percentage of developing schizophrenia than the general population.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC came home from first year at a northeastern college and they have a significant other (been dating since October). through casual conversation reveals that the significant other was committed to a mental institution for an attempt to take their life. This was when the individual was in middle school. DC told me the SO is on medication and it is all under control. Never encountered this type of situation before. Is this a major red flag? Or can people overcome these types of demons from a young age?

No, this will be a lifelong problem for them. But your kid is only dating them so I'm not sure what you're worried about.

Not necessarily. The tween/teen years can be a tumultuous time and who knows what stressors there could have been in their life.

I made an attempt when I was 15 (had a lot of upheaval going on in my life), almost succeeded, and spent a few days inpatient. It was a huge wake up call to the fact I really did want to live and actually gave me coping strategies. Listening to other people’s struggles (during the group counseling) also gave me a lot of empathy for how hard life can be for so many people. I was on an antidepressant for a while, but eventually no longer needed it. I’m now a totally happy, well adjusted mini-van driving suburban mom. You’d never guess I ever had any mental health problems.

However, I did not tell DH about any of this until we’d been dating for a long time. If someone is coming out the gate sharing this and indicating it’s still a current struggle that could be a different story. But sometimes mental health issues really are acute and not a lifelong battle. We should be careful not to stigmatize inpatient treatment.

BTDT at 19. The relationship didn’t last long. I naively believed that I could help him by being a stable and supportive person in his life, but it was hard on me. He self medicated with alcohol and pot, and he ended up taking his own life a few years after we broke up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC came home from first year at a northeastern college and they have a significant other (been dating since October). through casual conversation reveals that the significant other was committed to a mental institution for an attempt to take their life. This was when the individual was in middle school. DC told me the SO is on medication and it is all under control. Never encountered this type of situation before. Is this a major red flag? Or can people overcome these types of demons from a young age?

Plenty of people are living completely normal lives with mental illness. They don't tell people like you because clearly you're prejudiced. It is not a "major red flag." But you are! I hope she doesn't marry in to your family.

DP
Mental illnesses are genetic - why introduce those genes when there are plenty of other healthier options for my kid.

The only progress so far are some links that show Autism and Schizophrenia are genetically connected, specifically the Gene Shank3. Both serious disorders in their own ways.

There is no simple blood test for Shank3 Gene so anyone with autism or Schizophrenia have a high chance of passing it on.

There’s no reason to think this kid has any type of genetic disorder.

For what it's worth, bipolar is pretty heritable too. But I agree with your overall analysis of this situation.

And eating disorders, adhd, depression, anxiety all seem to have a genetic component. Basically most mental illness. But good luck finding someone that is totally without problems in their generation

I don’t know if I agree or disagree with this poster but I do think for particularly for teens, the fact that they’ve received mental health treatment often says more about the family and community in which they grew up than it does about the severity of any mental health problems. I think it’s very rare to get through puberty and the tough teen years without some symptoms of depression or anxiety. Hiormonal changes are really rough. And some communities or social groups are more likely to encourage teens to talk about it, self diagnose, etc. The fact is lots and lots of kids of this generation have had some diagnosis at some point and that’s in part due to changing cultural norms around mental health.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC came home from first year at a northeastern college and they have a significant other (been dating since October). through casual conversation reveals that the significant other was committed to a mental institution for an attempt to take their life. This was when the individual was in middle school. DC told me the SO is on medication and it is all under control. Never encountered this type of situation before. Is this a major red flag? Or can people overcome these types of demons from a young age?

Plenty of people are living completely normal lives with mental illness. They don't tell people like you because clearly you're prejudiced. It is not a "major red flag." But you are! I hope she doesn't marry in to your family.

DP
Mental illnesses are genetic - why introduce those genes when there are plenty of other healthier options for my kid.

The only progress so far are some links that show Autism and Schizophrenia are genetically connected, specifically the Gene Shank3. Both serious disorders in their own ways.

There is no simple blood test for Shank3 Gene so anyone with autism or Schizophrenia have a high chance of passing it on.

There’s no reason to think this kid has any type of genetic disorder.

For what it's worth, bipolar is pretty heritable too. But I agree with your overall analysis of this situation.

And eating disorders, adhd, depression, anxiety all seem to have a genetic component. Basically most mental illness. But good luck finding someone that is totally without problems in their generation

As parents guiding teenagers, of course we want to help them think thoughtfully about relationships and understand that any relationship can carry complexities. That includes mental health diagnoses, neurodivergence, or substance use. Those realities can matter and should be discussed with care and nuance.

But having a history of mental health challenges or treatment—especially as a teenager—is not a red flag, and it certainly does not mean someone should be excluded from dating or relationships. We are in the midst of a well-documented teen mental health crisis, influenced by technology, changes in schools, overprotection, appearance pressures, and lack of independence. At the same time, there are more mental health supports available than ever before.

It’s also important to be precise with language. “Mental institution” is vague and misleading. Mental health treatment today includes outpatient therapy, day programs, evening programs, short-term inpatient care, and specialized treatment for things like anxiety or eating disorders. Treatment does not mean instability—treated mental health can be stable and healthy.

Posts like yours reflect a misunderstanding of mental health conditions and the realities of treatment, and they contribute to stigma. That stigma is part of the problem. People with mental health diagnoses, neurodivergence, or other medical conditions are not broken or dangerous, and they deserve dignity, relationships, and full lives.

If you or your child have never faced these challenges, that is something to be grateful for—not a reason to judge others. It genuinely saddens me to think that teenagers are being taught to avoid relationships with people simply because they’ve sought help or had a diagnosis. We should be modeling empathy, education, and humanity—not fear.

Red Flag. Definitely should switch to date someone with undiagnosed mental illness who self-medicates and deals with negative emotions by lashing out externally not internally.

Anonymous wrote:A “mental institution?” Really? What year are you living in?

2025. Get off the euphemism treadmill and get a life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a lifelong journey. If she's willing to stay on top of the root causes it can be worth it.
More concerned that DC doesn't know not to share personal information about their partner with mom.

That’s just stigma on your end. It is pretty normal for young adults to talk to their parents about dating and figuring out life challenges and if the partner had some physical illness or injury related hospitalization in their history - you would be horrified that they told you about the car accident or the CF or the diabetes.

Would you be okay with your DH discussing your health information with your MIL?

Actually, no. Why would he do that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC came home from first year at a northeastern college and they have a significant other (been dating since October). through casual conversation reveals that the significant other was committed to a mental institution for an attempt to take their life. This was when the individual was in middle school. DC told me the SO is on medication and it is all under control. Never encountered this type of situation before. Is this a major red flag? Or can people overcome these types of demons from a young age?

Plenty of people are living completely normal lives with mental illness. They don't tell people like you because clearly you're prejudiced. It is not a "major red flag." But you are! I hope she doesn't marry in to your family.

DP
Mental illnesses are genetic - why introduce those genes when there are plenty of other healthier options for my kid.

The only progress so far are some links that show Autism and Schizophrenia are genetically connected, specifically the Gene Shank3. Both serious disorders in their own ways.

There is no simple blood test for Shank3 Gene so anyone with autism or Schizophrenia have a high chance of passing it on.

There’s no reason to think this kid has any type of genetic disorder.

For what it's worth, bipolar is pretty heritable too. But I agree with your overall analysis of this situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC came home from first year at a northeastern college and they have a significant other (been dating since October). through casual conversation reveals that the significant other was committed to a mental institution for an attempt to take their life. This was when the individual was in middle school. DC told me the SO is on medication and it is all under control. Never encountered this type of situation before. Is this a major red flag? Or can people overcome these types of demons from a young age?

Plenty of people are living completely normal lives with mental illness. They don't tell people like you because clearly you're prejudiced. It is not a "major red flag." But you are! I hope she doesn't marry in to your family.

DP
Mental illnesses are genetic - why introduce those genes when there are plenty of other healthier options for my kid.

The only progress so far are some links that show Autism and Schizophrenia are genetically connected, specifically the Gene Shank3. Both serious disorders in their own ways.

There is no simple blood test for Shank3 Gene so anyone with autism or Schizophrenia have a high chance of passing it on.

There’s no reason to think this kid has any type of genetic disorder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to give an alternative perspective.

My college aged child spent a week in a psych institution as a middle schooler. The schools are now extremely paranoid about kids expressing self harm and some counselors will report basically anything as a red flag. The hospitals don’t have pediatric psych people and are very nervous about being sued, so again if a kid is expressing anything like self harm they will get a referral. I was told that if I did not agree to admission, they would call CPS and do the admission over my objection and I would lose control over anything to do with treatment or discharge, so I caved. Once you’re in, it’s a standard week to get a discharge due to the time for assessments and everything until they decide your kid is not a danger. My kids level of suicidal thought was akin to or less than what basically all the girls I knew in middle school who were gojng through hormonal adjustment dealt with. No one ever would have referred us to psych assessments. The trigger now is much much much lower.

So if this was a one week hold situation, I would not assume this indicates a life long depression problem. My kid does have some level of anxiety, which is what manifested in MS, but it’s very manageable.

That's kind of scary. How did the hospital get involved to begin with?

My child said something that was interpreted as an intent of self harm and 911 was called. The police officers were very kind but said they had zero discretion in the matter and were required to transport to hospital. The closest my child ever came to self harm was scratching their arm with a mechanical pencil that didn’t have lead in it. Given how hard parents whose children have serious medical issues struggle to get hospital beds for their children. I was really shocked about how it all developed. They clearly were having some struggles but hospitalization certainly didn’t help.

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to give an alternative perspective.

My college aged child spent a week in a psych institution as a middle schooler. The schools are now extremely paranoid about kids expressing self harm and some counselors will report basically anything as a red flag. The hospitals don’t have pediatric psych people and are very nervous about being sued, so again if a kid is expressing anything like self harm they will get a referral. I was told that if I did not agree to admission, they would call CPS and do the admission over my objection and I would lose control over anything to do with treatment or discharge, so I caved. Once you’re in, it’s a standard week to get a discharge due to the time for assessments and everything until they decide your kid is not a danger. My kids level of suicidal thought was akin to or less than what basically all the girls I knew in middle school who were gojng through hormonal adjustment dealt with. No one ever would have referred us to psych assessments. The trigger now is much much much lower.

So if this was a one week hold situation, I would not assume this indicates a life long depression problem. My kid does have some level of anxiety, which is what manifested in MS, but it’s very manageable.

That's kind of scary. How did the hospital get involved to begin with?