Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - the PP said something important you don’t want to miss. Elderly paternal age is a very high risk of autism and ADHD. My child has autism and so are many of his classmates born from “order dads”

Older paternal age is over 35

Excellent point. New data shows old sperm is the cause of more issues than old eggs. So OP should be aware that her childs risk of autism or other SN is much higher with an old man.

As a mother to mildly autistic son i observed those wealthy families with large age gaps in my child’s private school. Literally all kids took exams in HS with special accommodations. Kids couldn’t attend public schools as they are unable to focus and needed hand holding socializing with classmates and teachers. I had to give up my career to take my child to therapies and they had a major mental crisis in teens and first year in college (where they were not as much guarded and tendered to). My marriage didn’t survive the stress of older husband (who turned out selfish and uninvolved dad irritated by SN child). We divorced when I was in early 40s and he in his 50s.

None of the “old dads” kids succeeded or got into great colleges, 4 years post HS graduation. Boys are now trying to become musicians and girls physical therapists or similar. These are kids of very wealthy families with dads who are lawyers, financiers etc. So next gen is a step down intellectually from the parents.

Don’t do it to your kids, OP! Find an energetic young man to reproduce with

Daddy issues?
You are 19 years apart. You do not have similar goals.
If you are willing to always bend to his whim throughout life, and be his caretaker when you are 45 and he is 65+, then yes, you will be ok.

Anonymous wrote:OP - the PP said something important you don’t want to miss. Elderly paternal age is a very high risk of autism and ADHD. My child has autism and so are many of his classmates born from “order dads”

Older paternal age is over 35

Excellent point. New data shows old sperm is the cause of more issues than old eggs. So OP should be aware that her childs risk of autism or other SN is much higher with an old man.

OP - the PP said something important you don’t want to miss. Elderly paternal age is a very high risk of autism and ADHD. My child has autism and so are many of his classmates born from “order dads”

Older paternal age is over 35

You have to think about when you are 50, kids are in college and you are married to a 70 year old. He won’t always be so vibrant. When you are his age, he’ll be slowing down. Everyone I know who did this, 20 years later are resentful of having to take care of an old man.

Don’t waste the pretty on this nonsense. Break up and look for someone more compatible.

My sister has been married to someone 15 years older since she was in her early thirties. It has been good, but I think that is because neither of them had kids before and they did not want children together. That said, she has still need shocked by the early need to do elder care for his parents. He is now 60 and lost his job, which he likely will never replace and she has years and years that she still needs to work. I don’t know how this will go for them.

Let’s pretend you have kids at age 32 and 34. You will be menopausal with teenagers at home and a husband to do eldercare for. That will be a beast for you. You will be exhausted, have brain fog and three humans relying on you for a lot of support. College applications while he could need you to drive him everywhere. You will lose your filter with your hormonal shifts and will tell him exactly what you think. Good luck with that. And I say this as a woman with a husband 7 years older. He was 45 when we had our last child. We are pretty tired with a 16 and 13 year old. You also have a MUCH higher rate of certain disabilities with an older dad. So, be ready for your kids to have autism and ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Get a prenup and protect yourself - that way you and his kids know what each get if he dies of a heart attack at his desk.

I'm a man in my late 50s. I dated a woman more than 20 years younger. It was great for both of us. The emotional connection was genuine and intense. The sex was amazing. Unfortunately my friends thought I was ridiculous and my kids didn't even want to meet her. We broke up but still have coffee once in a while. Ll Her next man was even older. She's a smart and attractive professional. She's just attracted to older men.

Now I'm with another smart and attractive professional who is in her 40s. Our relationship is even better. My family and friends like her despite the 15 year age gap. Meeting her and seeing us together made them believers. She says the age gap will eventually be a problem but it's not a big problem now.

I've also been in relationships with women my age or older than I am.

You’ll spend the prime of your life with an old man. Is that what you want?

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Yikes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 25, I married DH who is 12 yrs older.
At 27, you're old enough to know what you want. If you truly love him, he has good money and a plan that won't screw you over in terms of inheritance, then go for it.

.

Sounds like youre just encouraging him to screw over his kids in terms of inheritance.

The answer to OP - she’d be okay if she’s fine constantly guarding her interests and negotiating marriage terms.
I personally wouldn’t bother.

I would consider a 10-15 years older man if he didn’t have kids already and had plenty of money.

But all these family related inheritance feuds would be too complicated for me

OP, how would you feel if you had a 37-year old stepmom? That should give you an idea about how the 17-year old kid is feeling about you.

Anonymous wrote:At 25, I married DH who is 12 yrs older.
At 27, you're old enough to know what you want. If you truly love him, he has good money and a plan that won't screw you over in terms of inheritance, then go for it.

.

Sounds like youre just encouraging him to screw over his kids in terms of inheritance.

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

So you are closer in age to his child than to him.

-These kids are not going to accept you
-He doesnt actually want more children as he's pushing 50, he's just telling you this to keep a warm body in his bed
-His children should get priority in his life, though it seems like he's using the warm hole available instead of prioritizing them so he really sounds like a great dad here

Do not pass go, do not collect $200. This is a disaster.

The problem is that you will always be at two different stages in life. He will begin thinking or retirement and then need medical care while you won’t be ready for that change.