I have two girls (5th and 7th grade) and they have done lots of sleepovers with close friends -- sometimes one on one and sometimes 4 to 8 other girls. The older one does bring her phone, but claims to always get sleep. I've noticed that the 7th graders don't seem to have as many sleepovers. The 5th grader has complained in the past that sometimes she doesn't sleep, but she always sticks it out and doesn't bother anyone in the middle of the night. A year or two ago, she did get a bit of a reputation for being the first to wake up. One time, last year, I had to bring a kid home in the middle of the night. I suppose it was pretty disruptive, but I didn't mind that much. If a kid needs to go home, that's that. She has come back since then without any problems.

I'm a fan of sleepovers as long as the kids are being good to each other and the decreased sleep doesn't impact other activities. It's certainly not a way to improve performance in a game or recital! Also, excessive phone or tablet use bothers me -- that's the quickest way to see that the girls aren't clicking that night -- sometimes a movie or game helps and sometimes it's time to turn things into a sleepunder.

I notice many she and DD, wondering how common sleepovers are for high-school aged boys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid does sleepovers regularly. Nobody sleeps until about 4am. However, I sometimes insist at my house that the girls totally shut down at 11pm — when I do this they are usually all asleep by midnight. I’m lucky that none of the 5 closest friends my 14 year old has have any social media so I’m not worried about that yet. Lots of her other friends do but the aren’t the ones spending the night.

That said, I cannot tell what you are trying to solve for. Her being tired? Or her freaking out in the middle of the night?

OP here and I know it’s been a while but I guess I would say I’m most worried she will freak out during the night if she’s the only one who can’t sleep (she gets less rational when she’s exhausted) but also not excited about the idea of her being up literally the whole night. I mostly want to be clear on what the expectation is. If I tell her “you can’t call in the middle of the night unless something is really wrong” I don’t know that she will want to try it. She’s pretty anxious and in general I try to encourage her to try things but also set her up for success.

I know it was not the point of my post but the technology aspect of things does make me more apprehensive. A couple girls are on their devices A LOT and they are the ones I know the least/have the least confidence that the parents are putting restrictions on social media etc.

OP it's really hard to tell from your posts: How much does your DD herself want to go to this sleepover? How much anxiety does your DD have for herself about it? We know what you're worried about, but how much does she want to go and is she worried? That also feels relevant, because if she doesn't really want to go in the first place, the likelihood of anxiety or discomfort is much greater.

This particular one not THAT much. But I think there will be others she wants to go to a lot more (different friend groups, one of which I know will likely have a sleepover in a the new year for another birthday). So I’m thinking about it generally but maybe this won’t be the first one she goes too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid does sleepovers regularly. Nobody sleeps until about 4am. However, I sometimes insist at my house that the girls totally shut down at 11pm — when I do this they are usually all asleep by midnight. I’m lucky that none of the 5 closest friends my 14 year old has have any social media so I’m not worried about that yet. Lots of her other friends do but the aren’t the ones spending the night.

That said, I cannot tell what you are trying to solve for. Her being tired? Or her freaking out in the middle of the night?

OP here and I know it’s been a while but I guess I would say I’m most worried she will freak out during the night if she’s the only one who can’t sleep (she gets less rational when she’s exhausted) but also not excited about the idea of her being up literally the whole night. I mostly want to be clear on what the expectation is. If I tell her “you can’t call in the middle of the night unless something is really wrong” I don’t know that she will want to try it. She’s pretty anxious and in general I try to encourage her to try things but also set her up for success.

I know it was not the point of my post but the technology aspect of things does make me more apprehensive. A couple girls are on their devices A LOT and they are the ones I know the least/have the least confidence that the parents are putting restrictions on social media etc.

OP it's really hard to tell from your posts: How much does your DD herself want to go to this sleepover? How much anxiety does your DD have for herself about it? We know what you're worried about, but how much does she want to go and is she worried? That also feels relevant, because if she doesn't really want to go in the first place, the likelihood of anxiety or discomfort is much greater.

Anonymous wrote:My kid does sleepovers regularly. Nobody sleeps until about 4am. However, I sometimes insist at my house that the girls totally shut down at 11pm — when I do this they are usually all asleep by midnight. I’m lucky that none of the 5 closest friends my 14 year old has have any social media so I’m not worried about that yet. Lots of her other friends do but the aren’t the ones spending the night.

That said, I cannot tell what you are trying to solve for. Her being tired? Or her freaking out in the middle of the night?

OP here and I know it’s been a while but I guess I would say I’m most worried she will freak out during the night if she’s the only one who can’t sleep (she gets less rational when she’s exhausted) but also not excited about the idea of her being up literally the whole night. I mostly want to be clear on what the expectation is. If I tell her “you can’t call in the middle of the night unless something is really wrong” I don’t know that she will want to try it. She’s pretty anxious and in general I try to encourage her to try things but also set her up for success.

I know it was not the point of my post but the technology aspect of things does make me more apprehensive. A couple girls are on their devices A LOT and they are the ones I know the least/have the least confidence that the parents are putting restrictions on social media etc.