Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend has two daughters who are 9 & 10, and he wants me to them this weekend, and go out for dinner. We’ve been dating for nine months now. I’m sure it will go fine, but this is my first time dating someone who has kids and I don’t have any of my own, so I’m very nervous.

Does anyone whose BTDT have any helpful tips?

Why are you taking on this man's baggage? Do you think he'd give you the time of day if you had 2 kids and he had none?

I don't get the hostility about meeting kids 9 months in.

My DH dated when his daughter was small and introduced her to two of his now ex girlfriends one became a wife within a few months. She's very close to her former stepmother.

She's in her 20s now and is fine with her father introducing her that soon.

I'm wife no 3, we met when she was in college (she knew about me sooner) and it's fine. She had no issue with her dad's timeline. We just discussed this at Thanksgiving.

No one was replacing her mom.

DH met my kids early on as well. He was just another one of mom's friends who came around and hung out. When they realized we were a couple one was a little apprehensive but for a day and then it became a non issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend has two daughters who are 9 & 10, and he wants me to them this weekend, and go out for dinner. We’ve been dating for nine months now. I’m sure it will go fine, but this is my first time dating someone who has kids and I don’t have any of my own, so I’m very nervous.

Does anyone whose BTDT have any helpful tips?

He’s really throwing you into the deep end early. A sit down dinner? Make you carry the table’s conversation for an hour+?

This sounds like a losing proposition for you.

He needs to step up better than that for any girlfriend intros.

Yeah, don’t do dinner at that age. Meet them for part of an activity. Do not engage more than 45 min. Don’t come on too strong with gifts or verbal gushing.

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest to him that you do an activity instead. A sit down dinner is a lot of pressure on everyone. Go bowling or do an escape room or do something fun.

Nah. Don’t coddle and mommy him.

Let him lead and see if he self implodes.

Anonymous wrote:OP- I was initially concerned that dinner might be too long or boring for them as a first meeting, but we ended up going to a hibachi restaurant, and they loved it. My boyfriend really knows his kids and is a very involved dad during his 50/50 custody time since the divorce almost 4 years ago, so he knew what they would like and be comfortable with.

Everything went very well and felt pretty natural. They are both incredibly sweet kids— both are very extroverted, polite, and well-behaved, so there were no issues. They talked about their favorite things (movies/tv shows, books,) their Disney trip, and soccer, and they were curious about me too, which was so cute.

Thanks for the tips, especially PP 2:00.

That’s nice. I remember those ages being easy with my girls.

OP- I was initially concerned that dinner might be too long or boring for them as a first meeting, but we ended up going to a hibachi restaurant, and they loved it. My boyfriend really knows his kids and is a very involved dad during his 50/50 custody time since the divorce almost 4 years ago, so he knew what they would like and be comfortable with.

Everything went very well and felt pretty natural. They are both incredibly sweet kids— both are very extroverted, polite, and well-behaved, so there were no issues. They talked about their favorite things (movies/tv shows, books,) their Disney trip, and soccer, and they were curious about me too, which was so cute.

Thanks for the tips, especially PP 2:00.

I think you need to trust that dinner is going to be fine if he suggests it. 9 months doesn’t seem too soon to me for a fully divorced person. You can offer a different activity but I wouldn’t actively push back on his choice. The advice you’ve received to act lowkey and positive is good. Depart after dinner, from the restaurant, and leave them as a group of 3.

I would suggest to him that you do an activity instead. A sit down dinner is a lot of pressure on everyone. Go bowling or do an escape room or do something fun.

Anonymous wrote:Just treat them like anyone else you’re meeting for the first time, who you’d like to get to know. Ask them about themselves. Open-ended questions are good. Don’t try to push a connection; just follow their cues. And be yourself.

+1.

The assumptions in this thread are insane. If your bf proposed a sit down dinner, it's a good chance for you to see what kind of person your bf is. Is he someone who knows that a sit down dinner would work as first time meeting? Or is he someone clueless who doesn't really know his kids? This is your chance to figure out whether this is a good situation to stay in, or if you should move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck.

No tips.

I don’t see the point at 9 mos in and divorce was when??

Same. Seems way too soon. But then, men do always want to trap the next one into raising their kids and doing the housework asap for their 50% custodial time.

Nope. Guys want sex. They can take care of everything else themselves.

Agree, just stay out of his home life, kids stuff, and ex wife stuff.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yuck.

No tips.

I don’t see the point at 9 mos in and divorce was when?? [/quote]
Same. Seems way too soon. But then, men do always want to trap the next one into raising their kids and doing the housework asap for their 50% custodial time. [/quote]

Every single time a woman was the one introducing her kids regardless of the timeline, the women in this forum in unison defend her decision. [/quote]

You read and remember selectively.[/quote]

Are you saying thats not the case. Start a thread and claim that you are a woman who has been divorced for 6 months and planning to introduce her kids to her boyfriend. The first man that will criticize her will see an army of women defending her.[/quote]

6 mos?! Gross.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck.

No tips.

I don’t see the point at 9 mos in and divorce was when??

Same. Seems way too soon. But then, men do always want to trap the next one into raising their kids and doing the housework asap for their 50% custodial time.

Every single time a woman was the one introducing her kids regardless of the timeline, the women in this forum in unison defend her decision.

Where has that ever been posted?

Divorced women with children quickly want another ManChild in their life?!

Anonymous wrote:Your first meet should be no more than five minutes, max. He’s moving way too fast.

5 might be extreme but I wouldn't make it something with no exit ramp after 20

Dinner is way too long. And potentially awkward. You're just looking at each other and talking.