I have 16 year old and only check the phone if something seems pretty off in his demeanor or behavior. Haven’t had to look since freshman year. I did check regularly in middle school.

My son has friends who are girls. I understand kids have hormones but really they are not all completely sex crazed and incapable of being around the opposite gender as friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ We also recognize that they could be meeting up in groups when they leave in their cars because we are not following their snap streaks! Please stop that, OP. I can’t get over that.

OP here. I thought we were supposed to be monitoring their phones at least a bit? I check very rarely. Like every few months I do a spot check. Same with my 8th grade daughter. And I see things occasionally that make it clear that their friends’ parents aren’t checking and probably should be. But I can probably stop with the 15 year old.

Anyway, makes sense that co-ed friendships were easier before puberty and now everything is awkward. He is at a co-ed school and in co-ed ECs. Has a sister he is close to. I won’t worry about it anymore.

Ignore PP. People just abdicate responsibilities way too early. I no longer check my son's phone, but he knows that we always can do so. If he wants the expectation of 100% privacy, he should go talk to the person live or can start earning enough to be on his own phone plan. It's not a problem because neither he nor we abuse this privilege.

It was a very gradual weening off process from checking daily when he first got the phone in middle school to every few weeks to every few months to basically never now. However, I do think checking it to basically be nosy is a bit much for an older teen.

Normal. And FTR, now my 16 yo has a girlfriend and he treats her wonderfully. He’s going out to dinner with her and her grandparents this weekend. It’s adorable.

For a couple of years his friend group was all guys. It just got awkward when puberty hit, IMO.

Nothing about this indicates boys will grow up and not treat women well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ We also recognize that they could be meeting up in groups when they leave in their cars because we are not following their snap streaks! Please stop that, OP. I can’t get over that.

OP here. I thought we were supposed to be monitoring their phones at least a bit? I check very rarely. Like every few months I do a spot check. Same with my 8th grade daughter. And I see things occasionally that make it clear that their friends’ parents aren’t checking and probably should be. But I can probably stop with the 15 year old.

Anyway, makes sense that co-ed friendships were easier before puberty and now everything is awkward. He is at a co-ed school and in co-ed ECs. Has a sister he is close to. I won’t worry about it anymore.

Also, we just let my 8th grader get Snapchat this year so knowing about streaks actually because DD will ask DS “who do you have steaks with?” And stuff like that because it is new and fun for her. So I just hear that stuff.

Anonymous wrote:^ We also recognize that they could be meeting up in groups when they leave in their cars because we are not following their snap streaks! Please stop that, OP. I can’t get over that.

OP here. I thought we were supposed to be monitoring their phones at least a bit? I check very rarely. Like every few months I do a spot check. Same with my 8th grade daughter. And I see things occasionally that make it clear that their friends’ parents aren’t checking and probably should be. But I can probably stop with the 15 year old.

Anyway, makes sense that co-ed friendships were easier before puberty and now everything is awkward. He is at a co-ed school and in co-ed ECs. Has a sister he is close to. I won’t worry about it anymore.

You should be concerned with helping him get past his social anxiety in general

This is much better than the alternative of getting mixed up in the minefield of high school dating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if my 15 year old has talked to a girl since preschool!

This is concerning. You need to fix this now before he stops seeing them as people.

Back off Janice

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it is so weird you are tracking his IG followers and "snap streaks"...

This is the strangest thing about your post. I have no idea about my son and if he is communicating with girls, I stopped checking his phone years ago.

But my sister and DH and I comment all of the time, between us, that my nephew, my son and their friends are way more into their cars than girls. They are 16-18. They talk nonstop about cars. Never girls.

This will change someday, maybe, but for now at least they are not getting into trouble with girls.

This isn’t normal. It’s the road to unhealthy thinking about women, which leads to unhealthy behaviors.