Anonymous wrote:OP here - I was overly sensitive and am ashamed of my knee jerk reaction.

My friend messaged me this morning that they're having a family birthday for her daughter next week on the actual birthday and the neighborhood group of friends is invited. I'm really embarrassed I acted this way over it.

Wait you didn't say anything to the mom did you??
If you did, definitely send her a message just like this one and let her know you are embarassed that you over reacted, and that since he's your first and only, you didn't get how birthday parties changed as kids got older. It will be fine, but be honest and humble!

Anonymous wrote:what the heck, op? Your son is a different gender and 1.5 years younger! I would be surprised if he WAS invited. get over it.

I agree. I would find it odd if he was invited.

OP, it happens, all of it including your over reaction. It’s especially hard when it’s all happening in front of you and your kid becomes aware that “everyone else” is invited. Of course they aren’t and even if they were it would be normal but if course the kid stops and thinks “is something wrong? Are we not friends?” I’m sure despite your reaction here you gave your kid good advice and perspective on how tricky parties can be and that’s what matters, not the freaking out you did behind the scenes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are upset your 6yo son is not invited to an 8yo girl’s party?? It would be more upsetting if your 8yo same age same sex daughter was not invited.

I have an 8yo dd and we only invited girls and 1 boy. Every single kid was in the same grade.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a birthday party where being in the same grade was a criteria. That’s odd.

If it’s true that all the kids who play in the neighborhood were invited but him, the mother is rude and insensitive and her child is following her footsteps by discussing the party in front of someone not invited. And the birthday girl is old enough to be taught that.

Really? When I ask my kids who they want to invite to their party, and they list their 6 or 7 friends they are allowed to invite, they are ALWAYS same gender, same grade. I then add on 2-3 other kids who I consider "must invites" who might be different gender or different grade, such as a close neighbor friend who is one grade younger, or the sibling of an invited friend who is a different gender, but who will play with my other child during the party and that makes my own life easier.

But my oldest is about to turn 11 and I've already decided I'm not going to push the "must invite" list anymore. He's going to be in middle school next year. It's time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your son the youngest in the neighborhood?

No, plenty of kids are younger than him!

And the other younger kids- even the younger boys- are all invited, but not him? That, to me, seems mean.

If it's just girls, or just kids in her grade, or no one as young as your kid- then that's fine. I wouldn't expect an 8yo girl to invite a 6yo boy to her party under pretty much any circumstance. Birthday parties at that age stop being family/neighborhood events, in my experience, and start to be friends-only events. So siblings of friends don't come anymore either at that age, for example. At least that has been my experience.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I was overly sensitive and am ashamed of my knee jerk reaction.

My friend messaged me this morning that they're having a family birthday for her daughter next week on the actual birthday and the neighborhood group of friends is invited. I'm really embarrassed I acted this way over it.

Did she see your post?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I was overly sensitive and am ashamed of my knee jerk reaction.

My friend messaged me this morning that they're having a family birthday for her daughter next week on the actual birthday and the neighborhood group of friends is invited. I'm really embarrassed I acted this way over it.

As you should be.

OP—Just ignore this sad and incel poster above. They must have let their video game subscription expire, and mom made them exit the basement…

OP here, thank you. I’m embarrassed and I really appreciate all the advice and feedback!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I was overly sensitive and am ashamed of my knee jerk reaction.

My friend messaged me this morning that they're having a family birthday for her daughter next week on the actual birthday and the neighborhood group of friends is invited. I'm really embarrassed I acted this way over it.

As you should be.

OP—Just ignore this sad and incel poster above. They must have let their video game subscription expire, and mom made them exit the basement…

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I was overly sensitive and am ashamed of my knee jerk reaction.

My friend messaged me this morning that they're having a family birthday for her daughter next week on the actual birthday and the neighborhood group of friends is invited. I'm really embarrassed I acted this way over it.

I just booked my daughter’s 9th birthday party. We have space for 20. We were going to do all girls and she only invited one boy in her class. We have family friends and neighbors that we cannot possibly invite for the party venue. Party room won’t accommodate adults either.

We will probably have a family friend party separately or maybe not. We did a separate party a few years for family friends. Many stopped doing this around age 6-7.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I was overly sensitive and am ashamed of my knee jerk reaction.

My friend messaged me this morning that they're having a family birthday for her daughter next week on the actual birthday and the neighborhood group of friends is invited. I'm really embarrassed I acted this way over it.

As you should be.

Usually around age six, the girls and boys start to self-separate.

An 8 yo girl will see a boy if 6.5 as pretty young. He will just be 6 to her…

Is the one boy invited the brother of a girl who is going? Is he a cousin of bday girl? Is the mother of the boy the BFF of the bday girl?

My girl used to go to a boy bday party. One year, she was the only girl and that was the last year she was invited.

Well, guess what? They are now in college. She helped that boy get a summer job. Later he donated to her college club. That donation helped her win a gift card.

You never know what will happen…

Play the long game and think in terms of decades and not moments.

In the meantime, be a role model for your boy and let him know this happens and that you two can have fun doing something else.