Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

This. It's literally the science behind the success of GLP-1.

I am amazed at the number of people who still don't get this. I do think it's out of people's control but it's not some people can just eat more.

I have a skinny teen boy and he doesn't eat large quantities at the end of the day. He eats junk but his quantity is never out of control. He is the type of person who forgets to eat. He doesn't think about food all that often. My other child is less wired this way and I see the difference.

+1

I think the fact that OP mentioned that the other girls are eating the same foods but they’re not finishing entire portions is really key here. I would focus on providing more filling, higher protein and fiber filled foods at home. I’m also surprised that she has so much time and money for dunkin and Starbucks everyday. I think you also have to teach her the value of money. If she’s spending so much on food how does she have money for clothes, movies, etc? Does she have a job like babysitting?

I was also wondering where she is getting the $. It sounds like she is spending over $50/wk on junk food? And that may be a low estimate, depending. Does she have a job or is this just her allowance $?

OP again. She gets $25 per week to spend on food but the reality is that sometimes she spends her babysitting money on extras or another parent treats the kids. For example, she carpools with a friend to her dance class and the mom often takes them to Starbucks and I don’t think I should tell her she can’t get anything (I tell my DD to only get one thing since the other mom is treating but apparently her friend usually gets food and a drink). We live not too far from both Starbucks and Dunkin so they are big hang out places for kids her age.

I told mine to always get the small size at Starbucks. She did and then was shocked to find it was the first time she finished a drink. Also, get the Starbucks eggs or the protein plate thing. You don't always have to get the biggest drink with the most sugar and the fattest muffin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Here is an example of her day yesterday: eggs and wheat toast for breakfast at home, turkey sandwich with pretzels and fruit at home for lunch. Then she went to a friend’s house for a sleepover and had the following from 2pm on: fries and milkshake for a snack at the mall, popcorn and candy at the movies, chicken tenders and fries for dinner, and then they baked cupcakes and had those for dessert at her friend’s house. Again, this is not a one off, every weekend is starting to look like this and she and her friends also like to go to Dunkin or Starbucks after school some days as well.

OP, how do you know all of this? How do you have a detailed list of what she ate while not in your presence? That screams red flag to me that you are being over controlling about her food. I know it's a delicate balance but please, coming from someone who has had an eating disorder her entire adult life, tread carefully. Being diligent about documenting everything I ate as a teenager ruined me for life.

This stuck out to me too. Like her mother is asking her to account for what she ate while she was out. Not good.

This is OP - the reason I know is because she has a debit card and I was looking at the charges for a different reason and saw charges at a food place in the mall and then at the movies and they were kind of expensive so I was trying to understand what she spent the money on and she told me. Then I asked her what she had for dinner after eating that and she told me about the rest and I told her that sounds like a lot of food for one day and she needs to think about making some healthier choices some of the time.

The prying on what else she ate isn't great (she knows what you are asking). You could have gotten away with - wow that's a lot of food if you said it not in a critical way, but the bolded part is going to give her a complex. She knows. She doesn't need you to tell her. Talk about nutrition - glad you had the chicken fingers - they have protein you need. That's all I would say.

Maybe also - let's eat extra veggies today so you don't get a stomach ache.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Here is an example of her day yesterday: eggs and wheat toast for breakfast at home, turkey sandwich with pretzels and fruit at home for lunch. Then she went to a friend’s house for a sleepover and had the following from 2pm on: fries and milkshake for a snack at the mall, popcorn and candy at the movies, chicken tenders and fries for dinner, and then they baked cupcakes and had those for dessert at her friend’s house. Again, this is not a one off, every weekend is starting to look like this and she and her friends also like to go to Dunkin or Starbucks after school some days as well.

OP, how do you know all of this? How do you have a detailed list of what she ate while not in your presence? That screams red flag to me that you are being over controlling about her food. I know it's a delicate balance but please, coming from someone who has had an eating disorder her entire adult life, tread carefully. Being diligent about documenting everything I ate as a teenager ruined me for life.

This stuck out to me too. Like her mother is asking her to account for what she ate while she was out. Not good.

This is OP - the reason I know is because she has a debit card and I was looking at the charges for a different reason and saw charges at a food place in the mall and then at the movies and they were kind of expensive so I was trying to understand what she spent the money on and she told me. Then I asked her what she had for dinner after eating that and she told me about the rest and I told her that sounds like a lot of food for one day and she needs to think about making some healthier choices some of the time.

The prying on what else she ate isn't great (she knows what you are asking). You could have gotten away with - wow that's a lot of food if you said it not in a critical way, but the bolded part is going to give her a complex. She knows. She doesn't need you to tell her. Talk about nutrition - glad you had the chicken fingers - they have protein you need. That's all I would say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

This. It's literally the science behind the success of GLP-1.

I am amazed at the number of people who still don't get this. I do think it's out of people's control but it's not some people can just eat more.

I have a skinny teen boy and he doesn't eat large quantities at the end of the day. He eats junk but his quantity is never out of control. He is the type of person who forgets to eat. He doesn't think about food all that often. My other child is less wired this way and I see the difference.

+1

I think the fact that OP mentioned that the other girls are eating the same foods but they’re not finishing entire portions is really key here. I would focus on providing more filling, higher protein and fiber filled foods at home. I’m also surprised that she has so much time and money for dunkin and Starbucks everyday. I think you also have to teach her the value of money. If she’s spending so much on food how does she have money for clothes, movies, etc? Does she have a job like babysitting?

I was also wondering where she is getting the $. It sounds like she is spending over $50/wk on junk food? And that may be a low estimate, depending. Does she have a job or is this just her allowance $?

OP again. She gets $25 per week to spend on food but the reality is that sometimes she spends her babysitting money on extras or another parent treats the kids. For example, she carpools with a friend to her dance class and the mom often takes them to Starbucks and I don’t think I should tell her she can’t get anything (I tell my DD to only get one thing since the other mom is treating but apparently her friend usually gets food and a drink). We live not too far from both Starbucks and Dunkin so they are big hang out places for kids her age.

I would stop giving her a food allowance. Between other parents parents and being at friends’ houses- that is already plenty of extra junk. $25/week is like 5 Starbucks drinks or 2 fast food meals. And that’s on top of going out with you, others, at houses, parties, using babysitting money, the junk at sports, etc. I’m not blaming you- it’s an impossible situation when you have a kid prone to overeating. The junk food is everywhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of it as — obesity takes years and years to make you sick, and it’s now extremely treatable anyway. An eating disorder can kill you in a couple of years and cannot be cured. I would rather have a fat daughter than a daughter with a terrible relationship to food and her own body. And if she decides she wants to lose weight I’ll be here to help.

I agree with all of this except the last sentence. I have spent a lifetime trying without permanent success to loose 10-20 pounds, so I am not sure what help I would be. Its not knowing how to do it that is the problem.

Well, a little bit of nutrition education goes a long way (I was 20 before I realized how many calories cheese has!) but GLP-1 inhibitors are available now if just trying doesn’t work for her. It does for some people but not for everyone!

Sorry, missing double negative It's not not knowing how to do it that is the problem. Of course a lifetime of ineffectual dieting has taught me a dietician's education worth of nutritional information. I could calorie and fat and protein count most foods in my head and know all about good fats and better carbs and ultra processed food etc. GLP-1 is a solution to the problem for many. Fortunately, I haven't needed it. I just live life 15 pounds heavier than I'd like and perfectly healthy physically but completely disordered when it comes to food. I hope to spare my daughter the third part of that sentence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

This. It's literally the science behind the success of GLP-1.

I am amazed at the number of people who still don't get this. I do think it's out of people's control but it's not some people can just eat more.

I have a skinny teen boy and he doesn't eat large quantities at the end of the day. He eats junk but his quantity is never out of control. He is the type of person who forgets to eat. He doesn't think about food all that often. My other child is less wired this way and I see the difference.

+1

I think the fact that OP mentioned that the other girls are eating the same foods but they’re not finishing entire portions is really key here. I would focus on providing more filling, higher protein and fiber filled foods at home. I’m also surprised that she has so much time and money for dunkin and Starbucks everyday. I think you also have to teach her the value of money. If she’s spending so much on food how does she have money for clothes, movies, etc? Does she have a job like babysitting?

I was also wondering where she is getting the $. It sounds like she is spending over $50/wk on junk food? And that may be a low estimate, depending. Does she have a job or is this just her allowance $?

OP again. She gets $25 per week to spend on food but the reality is that sometimes she spends her babysitting money on extras or another parent treats the kids. For example, she carpools with a friend to her dance class and the mom often takes them to Starbucks and I don’t think I should tell her she can’t get anything (I tell my DD to only get one thing since the other mom is treating but apparently her friend usually gets food and a drink). We live not too far from both Starbucks and Dunkin so they are big hang out places for kids her age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Here is an example of her day yesterday: eggs and wheat toast for breakfast at home, turkey sandwich with pretzels and fruit at home for lunch. Then she went to a friend’s house for a sleepover and had the following from 2pm on: fries and milkshake for a snack at the mall, popcorn and candy at the movies, chicken tenders and fries for dinner, and then they baked cupcakes and had those for dessert at her friend’s house. Again, this is not a one off, every weekend is starting to look like this and she and her friends also like to go to Dunkin or Starbucks after school some days as well.

OP, how do you know all of this? How do you have a detailed list of what she ate while not in your presence? That screams red flag to me that you are being over controlling about her food. I know it's a delicate balance but please, coming from someone who has had an eating disorder her entire adult life, tread carefully. Being diligent about documenting everything I ate as a teenager ruined me for life.

This stuck out to me too. Like her mother is asking her to account for what she ate while she was out. Not good.

This is OP - the reason I know is because she has a debit card and I was looking at the charges for a different reason and saw charges at a food place in the mall and then at the movies and they were kind of expensive so I was trying to understand what she spent the money on and she told me. Then I asked her what she had for dinner after eating that and she told me about the rest and I told her that sounds like a lot of food for one day and she needs to think about making some healthier choices some of the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of it as — obesity takes years and years to make you sick, and it’s now extremely treatable anyway. An eating disorder can kill you in a couple of years and cannot be cured. I would rather have a fat daughter than a daughter with a terrible relationship to food and her own body. And if she decides she wants to lose weight I’ll be here to help.

I agree with all of this except the last sentence. I have spent a lifetime trying without permanent success to loose 10-20 pounds, so I am not sure what help I would be. Its not knowing how to do it that is the problem.

Well, a little bit of nutrition education goes a long way (I was 20 before I realized how many calories cheese has!) but GLP-1 inhibitors are available now if just trying doesn’t work for her. It does for some people but not for everyone!

Anonymous wrote:I think of it as — obesity takes years and years to make you sick, and it’s now extremely treatable anyway. An eating disorder can kill you in a couple of years and cannot be cured. I would rather have a fat daughter than a daughter with a terrible relationship to food and her own body. And if she decides she wants to lose weight I’ll be here to help.

I agree with all of this except the last sentence. I have spent a lifetime trying without permanent success to loose 10-20 pounds, so I am not sure what help I would be. Its not knowing how to do it that is the problem.

Anonymous wrote:OP I just saw the stats you posted. My DD is 5.0 and 137lbs but the doctor isn’t worrried about her weight because she’s plays two sports and a lot of it is muscle.
Don’t look at just her weight, look at overall health.
Maybe for now sge can cut down to one junk meal on a weekend day and one junk treat. But see if she can self manage that.

You didn't include age, but 5'0 137 is unlikely to be "mostly muscle". Don't lie to yourself about this.

I think of it as — obesity takes years and years to make you sick, and it’s now extremely treatable anyway. An eating disorder can kill you in a couple of years and cannot be cured. I would rather have a fat daughter than a daughter with a terrible relationship to food and her own body. And if she decides she wants to lose weight I’ll be here to help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight OP? You talk about this affecting her health but let’s be honest, a few extra pounds is not affecting a 13 year old’s health even if she is in the overweight category but you can absolutely ruin her self esteem by going crazy about this. Has she had her period and if so when? Some girls chunk up a bit before a growth spurt.

She is 5’2” and weighs 140 lbs. She also has borderline high blood pressure which is being observed/monitored by our pediatrician, and she does think it may have something to do with being overweight and told us to do what we can to ensure she eats a healthy diet and is active. She has not gotten her period yet.

That is pretty big for a 13 year old. My niece just turned 14 and she is 5'6 and 120 pounds. My daughter is 11 and only weighs 75 pounds. I doubt she will be putting on 65 pounds in the next 2 years.

How big are you and DH? Is this more genetics than how much bad food they eat? FWIW my 11 year old eats like crap too - lots of french fries, donuts, etc when out with friends but genetically she is predisposition to be slim (DH didn't weigh 100 pounds until 9th grade and I have been slim my whole life).

My daughter was scary skinny at age 12. Then she got her period and by 12 1/2 she gained 20+ pounds easily. She is, seemingly overnight, up to woman's size 4 up from a kid sized 12. She is eating like a lot for the first time ever and notices the changes and calls herself fat. It is hard for me with a lifetime of food/weight issues to navigate, but she is still under 5 inches and so still has 3+ inches to grow, so I talk about eating fat and protein and calcium to grow and I never talk about limiting eating. We have people in our family genetically inclined to be overweight (my husband's family) and genetically inclined to overeat sweets and junk (me though also blessed with a fast metabolism). I worry. But if she ends up on the big side the entire world will tell her she is fat. I will never ever ever. You CAN be on the big side and be healthy (and visa versa). You can't be on the big side and be healthy if you are yo yo dieting and binging and purging. That is what I want to avoid. The things I am doing is to try to feed more veggies daily, always have healthy full-fat, high protein food at home without any limits on amount. And try to get her in regular sports of some kind - swim or jogging or hiking. The last one has been unsuccessful so far.

Agree Ozempic might be a future answer for all our kids genetically prone to weight issues (and alcohol issues - does it work for drugs too/). Almost all of the people in my husband's family are now on it.

My 13yo is roughly the size of OP’s kid (taller) and she’s just hungry all the time. We don’t keep junk food on the house but you can gain just as much weight on roast chicken and brown rice as you can on donuts, if you eat enough of them.

This was my cousin and then around 16 or 17 the allure of the opposite sex kicked in, lost all the weight and stayed fit into adulthood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Agree. I have twin teens. So much of this is outside her control. Just like some people gain a lot in pregnancy and others just don’t. I can’t believe people still think the skinny teens have more willpower. They are eating crap too. Their bodies just process it differently and feel different hunger.

It isn’t that the skinny teen has more willpower. It’s that they don’t have the mechanisms that control cravings, hunger, and satiation are working properly. The skinny teen isn’t prone to overeating- they are able to effortlessly eat what their body needs and stop when they have had enough.

This. It's literally the science behind the success of GLP-1.

I am amazed at the number of people who still don't get this. I do think it's out of people's control but it's not some people can just eat more.

I have a skinny teen boy and he doesn't eat large quantities at the end of the day. He eats junk but his quantity is never out of control. He is the type of person who forgets to eat. He doesn't think about food all that often. My other child is less wired this way and I see the difference.

+1

I think the fact that OP mentioned that the other girls are eating the same foods but they’re not finishing entire portions is really key here. I would focus on providing more filling, higher protein and fiber filled foods at home. I’m also surprised that she has so much time and money for dunkin and Starbucks everyday. I think you also have to teach her the value of money. If she’s spending so much on food how does she have money for clothes, movies, etc? Does she have a job like babysitting?

I was also wondering where she is getting the $. It sounds like she is spending over $50/wk on junk food? And that may be a low estimate, depending. Does she have a job or is this just her allowance $?