Anonymous wrote:My mom and brother are visiting (for too long) over Xmas. Need ideas to entertain them and keep my sanity. We are in Fairfax Cty and the two of them will literally sit on my couch and stare at me for 5 days if I don’t figure out what to do with them. And no, neither will offer up anything, entertain themselves, or even cook a meal or lift a finger while they are here. We have decades of family trauma and dysfunction to tip toe around, so I am just trying to get them out of the house once a day for some distraction.

About them:
—Mom is mid-70s. Fairly overweight which limits her mobility. Everything is a production and wants to know “the plan” multiple times a day. Lives in the South so cold weather is also a challenge for her.
—Brother is mid-50s. Single. An unflattering description would be that he’s the comic book store guy from The Simpsons.

I will also have two college-age/recent grad children at home.

Some ideas:
—Husband takes brother and my son to Caps or Wizards game
—I take mom and my daughter to a show. Not thrilled about going downtown with mom, but will for something of interest. May opt for Miracle on 34th St musical at Capital One Hall. Boycotting KC.
—They’ve done various Smithsonian stuff before, but don’t think either has done the Spy museum.

How do you keep family busy when visiting? I wish we could be a normal family, but we’re well past any chance of that happening.

Anonymous wrote:OP I have no suggestions but my mother is the exact same! It IS hard to describe because it’s such unusual behavior. My mother will literally sit and talk at me, about mundane and superficial stuff, for five straight days. She will not offer to help with anything. I’ve had to ask her to life her feet so I could sweep or vacuum around her. She sits while I make dinner. She sits while I set the table. She sits while I do the dishes, fold the laundry, talk to my kids.

Even me texting someone or answering an email means she sits there and stares at me while I do it, often while talking about something random.

I put out a nice jigsaw puzzle on her last visit. She literally stood behind me watching me work in the puzzle. I asked if she wanted to join and she said no. Stood and watched me work on the puzzle for an hour.

Anonymous wrote:Why so expensive? Just go to the movies and get a couple of jigsaw puzzles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We too are avoiding KC.

Fords Theatre for A Christmas Carol
Grinch starts at National Theatre Dec 30
Step Afrika!'s Magical Musical Holiday Step Show at Arena Stage
Fiddler on the Roof at Signature Theatre

I went to Figaro at the KC and if you didn't know that Figaro is a F you to ruling monarchs, well it is. There is fight left at the KC. It just may nit be as obvious to the average person.

Anonymous wrote:OP I have no suggestions but my mother is the exact same! It IS hard to describe because it’s such unusual behavior. My mother will literally sit and talk at me, about mundane and superficial stuff, for five straight days. She will not offer to help with anything. I’ve had to ask her to life her feet so I could sweep or vacuum around her. She sits while I make dinner. She sits while I set the table. She sits while I do the dishes, fold the laundry, talk to my kids.

Even me texting someone or answering an email means she sits there and stares at me while I do it, often while talking about something random.

I put out a nice jigsaw puzzle on her last visit. She literally stood behind me watching me work in the puzzle. I asked if she wanted to join and she said no. Stood and watched me work on the puzzle for an hour.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are my tips:

Drive-thru light show and dinner out after.

If mom cooks, pop her on a counter stool or at the table and give her a job (snap beans, form cookie balls, etc...), drink this while I cook, etc...

Movie nights at home after dinner: Elf? A Newflix movie? A new release rental? Eat dinner then go to the sofa and serve dessert/cookies while you watch a movie and have less pressure to talk. After the movie yawn and say "That was fun, see you in the morning!"

Will you mom get her nails done?

If BIL wants to go to a sports game, great. Let your DH do that. Or just turn on sports.

Set out a big puzzle, or the giant holiday crossword and let people do that all week.

I agree with this! I had my mom snapping beans for Thanksgiving. She has so much anxiety and it's contagious and I think allowing down to sit and snap beans (a lot! We hosted 30 people) calmed her mind down and we actually had a good conversation while I cooked and she helped prep.

A jigsaw puzzle is also a great idea. Some of my "bump on a log" relatives are wonderful people with neat stories but it takes a little work to curate the environment to get them to be comfortable being themselves.

I also need to work on myself to practice being okay with just being together in silence sometimes.
I think like many DC people I'm a very active Type A personality so need to chill myself and realize we don't need to fill every moment. The things that are dreadfully boring to me may be just enough for some people. Neither is right or wrong. This has gotten slightly easier since I took up meditating (which is still sometimes torturous but getting better). And I go for a long run in the mornings. And sometimes another in the evening or midday when I realize I "forgot" to pick up an ingredient. That makes it easier to be with my mom who could be happy just staring at me.

This is so lovely and compassionate.