Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:55     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think he’s a brat - that’s an easy throwaway comment. Rather, he’s likely seeing a variety of economic situations for the first time and I’d focus on that. We’ve had to deal with this in a different situation and we empathized on the “others have more” by sharing that it’s the same with our own friends and co-workers - that we have people in our own circle who have much more money than we do and how it feels and how we deal with it (can’t join them for expensive outings, etc, still maintain friendships, how to act when you have more). It’s life

I approach the spendy full ride situation in the same way - talk about your own situation such as how taxes work, how much we pay, that some pay nothing but sometimes have nice things like even nicer cars sometimes (tho that’s maybe not the full picture obviously) - this is real life. Sometimes it seems very unfair and sometimes it really is unfair but that is life. I would focus on the realities of life by sharing what seems unfair in your own life and make it a teaching moment.


He is def a brat.


OP sure wants you to think that. She doesn't mention whether they talked about alternatives and how seriously her child understood he'd have to work.

So I lean towards blaming the parent here.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:54     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:His complaints are ridiculous. He should be paying the whole thing himself. You raised a spoiled, entitled brat.


HE IS. By working to reimburse his parents, who were foolish enough to take out a bloody loan for a too-expensive college.

Again, for the morons in the back. It's not the student who can take out loans. It's the parents.

This is OP's fault entirely from start to finish. SHE signed the loan document.



Where does it say he's paying the whole amount back to his parents?


OP said loans were taken out and that they're only paying 70K out of 90K. He's upset about needing to work. Can you put two and two together???

Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:50     Subject: DS upset about loans
OP, do you have Parent PLUS loans? As others have mentioned there's a a roughly 5k federal limit for students. Our kids aren't in college yer, but we're in a similar boat. We haven't decided on an amount, but they know we're not paying 90-100k a year. We're thinking somewhere between 50-70k and then paying whatever the increase is for each year. But we won't sign parent PLUS loans so they won't end up with too much debt if they go somewhere more expensive.

I'm surprised your son feels this way unless he went to a school like Sidwell or Potomac where no discussion of cost takes place. It's pretty common for parents in even places like Bethesda or Arlington to make their kids go in-state, especially if they get in somewhere like UMD or UVA. If he keeps complaining or is really struggling financially, suggest he consider transferring to a cheaper school. He may be resentful, but try to keep a positive relationship.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:49     Subject: DS upset about loans
These things happen. Sounds like OP discussed things and gave her son the choice. Maybe he chose wrong and that’s okay.

Personally, I would suggest that he transfers next year and offer that if he goes to a school under 50000, I would pay off the loan for him so that he can immediately stop working. Very few schools are over 90000, so he will have plenty of choices. He has plenty of time to research other schools, or maybe take a closer look at another school he turned down.

Or, if he chooses to stay, I would set clear expectations that he cannot complain about money as the 72000 is incredibly generous and he made the choice.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:41     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.


What does this have to do with anything. Op is pretending they are not wealthy and set this kid up.

Set them up? They’re paying $70,000 for crying out loud! Kid could go to 99% of colleges, he chose the 1% that would put him in debt. Play stupid games and you know what kinda of prizes you’ll get!


Most kids that age don't understand it and she is wealthy and just not wanting to spend it on the kids. She set her kid up.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:39     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:This forum is so out of touch: you made a bad financial decision? The solution isn’t a bail out from your parents. I wish there were some normal people here.


The parents should have said no or taught the child about finances. OP is wealthy and pretending not to be. They can make some sacrifices and pay if it was important to them that the child go to that school. Kids at 18 don't fully get the impact of loans.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:37     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:As someone who went to an SLAC 25 years ago on a lot of financial aid (but still loans and multiple work study jobs) I think a lot of people don’t get how much wealth there is at expensive private colleges, and I imagine with more focus on meeting financial needs at the bottom end of the scale it really does put those who are well off, but not that well off, in a weird spot. It’s not cool for kid to complain to parents about that $20K per year, but it also sounds like the social situation at the school isn’t great for him; and that’s valid. I’ve been there.


This IS a kid from a wealthy family, they just choose to spend the money on other things.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:36     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:^ are you for real?


Its a fair question. OP is very wealthy and they are acting like they aren't. They probably could find the extra money but don't want to.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:32     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think he’s a brat - that’s an easy throwaway comment. Rather, he’s likely seeing a variety of economic situations for the first time and I’d focus on that. We’ve had to deal with this in a different situation and we empathized on the “others have more” by sharing that it’s the same with our own friends and co-workers - that we have people in our own circle who have much more money than we do and how it feels and how we deal with it (can’t join them for expensive outings, etc, still maintain friendships, how to act when you have more). It’s life

I approach the spendy full ride situation in the same way - talk about your own situation such as how taxes work, how much we pay, that some pay nothing but sometimes have nice things like even nicer cars sometimes (tho that’s maybe not the full picture obviously) - this is real life. Sometimes it seems very unfair and sometimes it really is unfair but that is life. I would focus on the realities of life by sharing what seems unfair in your own life and make it a teaching moment.


He is def a brat.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:29     Subject: DS upset about loans
Obvious troll post. Can't believe everyone responded.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:22     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:His complaints are ridiculous. He should be paying the whole thing himself. You raised a spoiled, entitled brat.


HE IS. By working to reimburse his parents, who were foolish enough to take out a bloody loan for a too-expensive college.

Again, for the morons in the back. It's not the student who can take out loans. It's the parents.

This is OP's fault entirely from start to finish. SHE signed the loan document.



Where does it say he's paying the whole amount back to his parents?
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:22     Subject: DS upset about loans

It's the parents who sign loans. Students are barred from getting loans of more than 5-6K a year. The difference between what parents are paying and sticker price is about 20K. So obviously it's OP who took out the loan.


Ergo


OP is responsible for this situation.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:17     Subject: DS upset about loans
As someone who went to an SLAC 25 years ago on a lot of financial aid (but still loans and multiple work study jobs) I think a lot of people don’t get how much wealth there is at expensive private colleges, and I imagine with more focus on meeting financial needs at the bottom end of the scale it really does put those who are well off, but not that well off, in a weird spot. It’s not cool for kid to complain to parents about that $20K per year, but it also sounds like the social situation at the school isn’t great for him; and that’s valid. I’ve been there.
Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:15     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:His complaints are ridiculous. He should be paying the whole thing himself. You raised a spoiled, entitled brat.


HE IS. By working to reimburse his parents, who were foolish enough to take out a bloody loan for a too-expensive college.

Again, for the morons in the back. It's not the student who can take out loans. It's the parents.

This is OP's fault entirely from start to finish. SHE signed the loan document.

Anonymous
Post 11/29/2025 19:09     Subject: DS upset about loans
Anonymous wrote:This is why it's better not to go to really expensive schools unless you have all the money.


And I say this from experience, I had a small scholarship to go to a more expensive school. I hung around with all the scholarship kids because none of us could afford to keep up with the full pay people.