Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Don’t be mean but remember that you have the upper hand.

Never accept poor treatment and immediately end the relationship if he treats you poorly.

Men sniff out low self esteem women who will tolerate their BS. Don’t be this person.

You need the immediately set the expectation that you know your value and will move on if he tries to take advantage or treat you poorly.

-signed, former people pleaser whose dating life improved dramatically when I adopted this behavior.

I think this is a bad attitude to take into a new relationship. Or any relationship, really. It’s so adversarial. Why not just treat people as equals, and expect to be treated as an equal in return?

Everyone has opinions. Women are conditioned by the patriarchy to prioritize the needs of men over their own.

Furthermore, men and women are not equal and do not approach relationships the same way. Women who enter into relationships with men expecting things to be “equal” are naive almost always get screwed.

More women than men are like the OP and excessively accommodating and agreeable. Men are more strategic and used to getting their way. Often they assume that their sex means that their role is to be the leader in the relationship. Which is not inherently a bad thing, but it can lead to entitlement, laziness, dismissiveness, and emotional abuse.

When dating, women hold all of the cards and should act accordingly.

This will only appeal to men who like princessy types. Men who like thoughtful, intelligent, fair-minded women will not be seeking out these women. And the words "when dating" are rather ominous. Who, then, in your worldview, has the upper hand when not dating? Because dating is only a brief period of time in the relationship.

Once wed, marriage has an equalizing effect since both spouses have entered into a legal (and spiritual depending on your point of view) contract.

Why don’t thoughtful intelligent women deserve to be treated like princesses?

Aim higher.

Beucase life isn't a fairy tale or a romance novel or a rom com. Expecting to be seen as royalty in your relationship establishes a very unhealthy dynamic. As a woman, I have zero interest in being seen or treated as a princess. I am a woman and I am competent and capable and an equal partner. I don't want to be seen as higher or lower than my spouse. And if my boyfriend told me he expected me to treat him like a prince or a king as he deserves that, I would tell him goodbye.

I never referred to royalty until you brought it up. It’s quite sad that your self worth is so low that you equated not tolerating poor behavior and understanding boundaries and options = “princess types”.

If you want to tolerate men jerking you around then it’s your right to do so but OP is trying to leave this dynamic, not seek it out.

You sound young and naive.

You’re not even married so I’m not sure why anyone would take dating advice from you.

You said treated like princesses - that is brigin up royalty. And I have great self worth and good boundaries and I don't tolerate poor behaviour but I don't expect to be treated like a princess. Of course OP doesn't need to tolerate being jerked around but she also doesn't need to be treated like a princess - she isn't royalty and men aren't her servants. I am 50+ and clearly have a much better understanding of relationships than you do. Your rom com view of be a princess - make him treat you like a princess sounds like you are still into Disney age characters and movies.

It looks like your reading comprehension is almost as bad as your relationship advice.

You first brought up princess types. I mentioned not tolerating bad behavior and understanding your options. Reread it since it seems you’ve forgotten.

50+ and unmarried and posting dating advice? Yikes. I sincerely hope you’re trolling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Don’t be mean but remember that you have the upper hand.

Never accept poor treatment and immediately end the relationship if he treats you poorly.

Men sniff out low self esteem women who will tolerate their BS. Don’t be this person.

You need the immediately set the expectation that you know your value and will move on if he tries to take advantage or treat you poorly.

-signed, former people pleaser whose dating life improved dramatically when I adopted this behavior.

I think this is a bad attitude to take into a new relationship. Or any relationship, really. It’s so adversarial. Why not just treat people as equals, and expect to be treated as an equal in return?

Everyone has opinions. Women are conditioned by the patriarchy to prioritize the needs of men over their own.

Furthermore, men and women are not equal and do not approach relationships the same way. Women who enter into relationships with men expecting things to be “equal” are naive almost always get screwed.

More women than men are like the OP and excessively accommodating and agreeable. Men are more strategic and used to getting their way. Often they assume that their sex means that their role is to be the leader in the relationship. Which is not inherently a bad thing, but it can lead to entitlement, laziness, dismissiveness, and emotional abuse.

When dating, women hold all of the cards and should act accordingly.

This will only appeal to men who like princessy types. Men who like thoughtful, intelligent, fair-minded women will not be seeking out these women. And the words "when dating" are rather ominous. Who, then, in your worldview, has the upper hand when not dating? Because dating is only a brief period of time in the relationship.

Once wed, marriage has an equalizing effect since both spouses have entered into a legal (and spiritual depending on your point of view) contract.

Why don’t thoughtful intelligent women deserve to be treated like princesses?

Aim higher.

Beucase life isn't a fairy tale or a romance novel or a rom com. Expecting to be seen as royalty in your relationship establishes a very unhealthy dynamic. As a woman, I have zero interest in being seen or treated as a princess. I am a woman and I am competent and capable and an equal partner. I don't want to be seen as higher or lower than my spouse. And if my boyfriend told me he expected me to treat him like a prince or a king as he deserves that, I would tell him goodbye.

I never referred to royalty until you brought it up. It’s quite sad that your self worth is so low that you equated not tolerating poor behavior and understanding boundaries and options = “princess types”.

If you want to tolerate men jerking you around then it’s your right to do so but OP is trying to leave this dynamic, not seek it out.

You sound young and naive.

You’re not even married so I’m not sure why anyone would take dating advice from you.

You said treated like princesses - that is brigin up royalty. And I have great self worth and good boundaries and I don't tolerate poor behaviour but I don't expect to be treated like a princess. Of course OP doesn't need to tolerate being jerked around but she also doesn't need to be treated like a princess - she isn't royalty and men aren't her servants. I am 50+ and clearly have a much better understanding of relationships than you do. Your rom com view of be a princess - make him treat you like a princess sounds like you are still into Disney age characters and movies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Don’t be mean but remember that you have the upper hand.

Never accept poor treatment and immediately end the relationship if he treats you poorly.

Men sniff out low self esteem women who will tolerate their BS. Don’t be this person.

You need the immediately set the expectation that you know your value and will move on if he tries to take advantage or treat you poorly.

-signed, former people pleaser whose dating life improved dramatically when I adopted this behavior.

I think this is a bad attitude to take into a new relationship. Or any relationship, really. It’s so adversarial. Why not just treat people as equals, and expect to be treated as an equal in return?

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think “mean” is the right word but I think every woman should say “no” to a few small things early in the relationship without justifying or apologizing. So along the lines of “No, let’s meet at 7, not 9.” “No, I don’t want to meet for a drink; let’s do coffee.”

The problem is that a lot of women are super accommodating up front and then they get 6 months into a relationship before they realize that the guy they are with doesn’t like them enough to do any of the work. A little pushback early in the relationship is a great way to weed out people who can’t handle you having or expressing needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apparently I’m too nice and a people pleaser with no boundaries. They’re telling me to attract a better quality man to start being a little mean. Is this a thing?

Like attracts like.

If you act mean, expect to get treated meaner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Don’t be mean but remember that you have the upper hand.

Never accept poor treatment and immediately end the relationship if he treats you poorly.

Men sniff out low self esteem women who will tolerate their BS. Don’t be this person.

You need the immediately set the expectation that you know your value and will move on if he tries to take advantage or treat you poorly.

-signed, former people pleaser whose dating life improved dramatically when I adopted this behavior.

I think this is a bad attitude to take into a new relationship. Or any relationship, really. It’s so adversarial. Why not just treat people as equals, and expect to be treated as an equal in return?

Everyone has opinions. Women are conditioned by the patriarchy to prioritize the needs of men over their own.

Furthermore, men and women are not equal and do not approach relationships the same way. Women who enter into relationships with men expecting things to be “equal” are naive almost always get screwed.

More women than men are like the OP and excessively accommodating and agreeable. Men are more strategic and used to getting their way. Often they assume that their sex means that their role is to be the leader in the relationship. Which is not inherently a bad thing, but it can lead to entitlement, laziness, dismissiveness, and emotional abuse.

When dating, women hold all of the cards and should act accordingly.

This will only appeal to men who like princessy types. Men who like thoughtful, intelligent, fair-minded women will not be seeking out these women. And the words "when dating" are rather ominous. Who, then, in your worldview, has the upper hand when not dating? Because dating is only a brief period of time in the relationship.

Once wed, marriage has an equalizing effect since both spouses have entered into a legal (and spiritual depending on your point of view) contract.

Why don’t thoughtful intelligent women deserve to be treated like princesses?

Aim higher.

Beucase life isn't a fairy tale or a romance novel or a rom com. Expecting to be seen as royalty in your relationship establishes a very unhealthy dynamic. As a woman, I have zero interest in being seen or treated as a princess. I am a woman and I am competent and capable and an equal partner. I don't want to be seen as higher or lower than my spouse. And if my boyfriend told me he expected me to treat him like a prince or a king as he deserves that, I would tell him goodbye.

I never referred to royalty until you brought it up. It’s quite sad that your self worth is so low that you equated not tolerating poor behavior and understanding boundaries and options = “princess types”.

If you want to tolerate men jerking you around then it’s your right to do so but OP is trying to leave this dynamic, not seek it out.

You sound young and naive.

You’re not even married so I’m not sure why anyone would take dating advice from you.

Anonymous wrote:Boundaries does not equal mean. Bad advice.

Anonymous wrote:Apparently I’m too nice and a people pleaser with no boundaries. They’re telling me to attract a better quality man to start being a little mean. Is this a thing?