Anonymous
11/30/2025 12:06
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
This makes 1 the easy choice. Fresh start for your son and you get your dream job. Husband will find a job.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Middle school is not great for him. Academically he is fine. But he was zoned for a middle school that is not where most of his elementary school friends went, so it has been very rough on him socially and there has been bullying that the school won’t address.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would go with #3 if the possibility of a fair amount of remote work was really going to happen. I would never make my child leave his school if he was happy and had a good group of friends. That would be my primary concern. Plus, you say it's your dream job but quite frankly until you're actually in the job and you figure out who you're working with you don't yet know if you're really gonna be happ. all it takes is one a-hole, one passive aggressive micromanager to make your dream job turn into hell. Or maybe you will learn that you hate the new city.
Children can adjust for moves. Best to do it before high school when they are involved in sports teams and other things.
We can agree to disagree. If my middle school son was happy with a good group of friends there is no way I would move him out of that situation and environment. The risk is too great (hard or lonely adjustment at new school, possible bullying, exposure to negative influences). It all depends on the kid along with all the external factors, of course, but as a mother I would prioritize making sure my child is in a good situation over the job change. Conversely, if my son was currently unhappy, friendless, bullied I would jump at the chance to move him (bonus, I get my dream job).
Anonymous
11/30/2025 11:31
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
OP here. Middle school is not great for him. Academically he is fine. But he was zoned for a middle school that is not where most of his elementary school friends went, so it has been very rough on him socially and there has been bullying that the school won’t address.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would go with #3 if the possibility of a fair amount of remote work was really going to happen. I would never make my child leave his school if he was happy and had a good group of friends. That would be my primary concern. Plus, you say it's your dream job but quite frankly until you're actually in the job and you figure out who you're working with you don't yet know if you're really gonna be happ. all it takes is one a-hole, one passive aggressive micromanager to make your dream job turn into hell. Or maybe you will learn that you hate the new city.
Children can adjust for moves. Best to do it before high school when they are involved in sports teams and other things.
We can agree to disagree. If my middle school son was happy with a good group of friends there is no way I would move him out of that situation and environment. The risk is too great (hard or lonely adjustment at new school, possible bullying, exposure to negative influences). It all depends on the kid along with all the external factors, of course, but as a mother I would prioritize making sure my child is in a good situation over the job change. Conversely, if my son was currently unhappy, friendless, bullied I would jump at the chance to move him (bonus, I get my dream job).
Anonymous
11/30/2025 09:18
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would go with #3 if the possibility of a fair amount of remote work was really going to happen. I would never make my child leave his school if he was happy and had a good group of friends. That would be my primary concern. Plus, you say it's your dream job but quite frankly until you're actually in the job and you figure out who you're working with you don't yet know if you're really gonna be happ. all it takes is one a-hole, one passive aggressive micromanager to make your dream job turn into hell. Or maybe you will learn that you hate the new city.
OP here. Middle school is not great for him. Academically he is fine. But he was zoned for a middle school that is not where most of his elementary school friends went, so it has been very rough on him socially and there has been bullying that the school won’t address.
Children can adjust for moves. Best to do it before high school when they are involved in sports teams and other things.
We can agree to disagree. If my middle school son was happy with a good group of friends there is no way I would move him out of that situation and environment. The risk is too great (hard or lonely adjustment at new school, possible bullying, exposure to negative influences). It all depends on the kid along with all the external factors, of course, but as a mother I would prioritize making sure my child is in a good situation over the job change. Conversely, if my son was currently unhappy, friendless, bullied I would jump at the chance to move him (bonus, I get my dream job).
Anonymous
11/30/2025 09:07
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would go with #3 if the possibility of a fair amount of remote work was really going to happen. I would never make my child leave his school if he was happy and had a good group of friends. That would be my primary concern. Plus, you say it's your dream job but quite frankly until you're actually in the job and you figure out who you're working with you don't yet know if you're really gonna be happ. all it takes is one a-hole, one passive aggressive micromanager to make your dream job turn into hell. Or maybe you will learn that you hate the new city.
Children can adjust for moves. Best to do it before high school when they are involved in sports teams and other things.
We can agree to disagree. If my middle school son was happy with a good group of friends there is no way I would move him out of that situation and environment. The risk is too great (hard or lonely adjustment at new school, possible bullying, exposure to negative influences). It all depends on the kid along with all the external factors, of course, but as a mother I would prioritize making sure my child is in a good situation over the job change. Conversely, if my son was currently unhappy, friendless, bullied I would jump at the chance to move him (bonus, I get my dream job).
Anonymous
11/30/2025 06:38
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:I would go with #3 if the possibility of a fair amount of remote work was really going to happen. I would never make my child leave his school if he was happy and had a good group of friends. That would be my primary concern. Plus, you say it's your dream job but quite frankly until you're actually in the job and you figure out who you're working with you don't yet know if you're really gonna be happ. all it takes is one a-hole, one passive aggressive micromanager to make your dream job turn into hell. Or maybe you will learn that you hate the new city.
Children can adjust for moves. Best to do it before high school when they are involved in sports teams and other things.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 19:11
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
I would go with #3 if the possibility of a fair amount of remote work was really going to happen. I would never make my child leave his school if he was happy and had a good group of friends. That would be my primary concern. Plus, you say it's your dream job but quite frankly until you're actually in the job and you figure out who you're working with you don't yet know if you're really gonna be happ. all it takes is one a-hole, one passive aggressive micromanager to make your dream job turn into hell. Or maybe you will learn that you hate the new city.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 09:50
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
For me, the big variable would be what you could get for your house in this weird market. In our N. Arlington neighborhood, houses continue to sell within a week or two, but my friend has had a heck of a time selling her house in Herndon and has reduced the price three times.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 09:39
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Don't do it unless you want a miserable husband. Once you get out of the larger, transient cities, most regions in the US are insular. You have entire states where the business and political communities are run by graduates of three or four schools, or the person who left, went to Harvard, then came back. If you are not in that clique, good luck finding a solid opportunity.
Sincerely,
Someone who learned the hard way.
Sincerely,
Someone who learned the hard way.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 09:31
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:how could your husband not find a job in the new place. [/b]he may have to pivot, but since he has a fairly low paying fed job, you might be surprised.
[b]
getting out of the DC ratrace would probably be good for you.
Is it low paying? My DH is a fed making about 300k and I can see a bunch of places that are smaller, lower cost of living cities where it would be hard, maybe not impossible, but not a snap of the fingers either to replicate that.
Ok so, your DH has the one job at a financial regulatory that pays that salary -- it is highly likely when this person says they are double fed they do not have those jobs and are regular GS folk like 99%R of government employees.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 09:29
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Do #3 while DH aggressively job hunts. What city is it? We did option 2, but I was able to fully stay home with DH's new salary and the significantly lower cost of living. We have LOVED it, and the kids have thrived. People are so much nicer where we moved, and it isn't insular and cliquey, which is a concern in some areas. Very glad to get my kids out of the hyper-competitive DMV school system to a place where they can go to high school and not be stressed or screwed for college admissions. Our state school is strong enough, and basically everyone goes there, and is a great, acceptable, accessible option. If they have the grades and scores, they can apply to some T50 schools and not have 1/3 of the class also applying to the same 20 schools, so they may have a better chance of admission.
Anonymous
11/29/2025 07:28
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
If this is truly your dream job, he should make it work.
Anonymous
11/27/2025 10:15
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:op, keep in mind Great Schools ratings are based on standardized test scores by state. If it's a state with mostly low scores, a 9-10 on Great Schools may be no great shakes.
Exactly. I have relatives who live in an area in SC with schools that are rated 7-10 and there’s no way I’d be happy with my kids attending those schools just based on the high school course offerings. Do your research, OP.
Anonymous
11/27/2025 10:11
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
I would not jeopardize retirement for a move where DH has to quit his job.
Look, DOGE is over. If you’re a Fed now, your job is pretty damn secure given the hiring restrictions. You’re still more stable & secure than private sector counterparts.
Do #3 and suck up the travel cost for a year then reassess. Your kid needs to move before HS starts.
Look, DOGE is over. If you’re a Fed now, your job is pretty damn secure given the hiring restrictions. You’re still more stable & secure than private sector counterparts.
Do #3 and suck up the travel cost for a year then reassess. Your kid needs to move before HS starts.
Anonymous
11/27/2025 10:09
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:how could your husband not find a job in the new place. [/b]he may have to pivot, but since he has a fairly low paying fed job, you might be surprised.
getting out of the DC ratrace would probably be good for you.
Is it low paying? [b]My DH is a fed making about 300k and I can see a bunch of places that are smaller, lower cost of living cities where it would be hard, maybe not impossible, but not a snap of the fingers either to replicate that.
What fed jobs are paying $300K?
Financial regulatory jobs. My most senior bargaining unit employees can clear upper $200s with base salary, DC regional pay, and bonus/awards. And that’s not even a management position!
Management base pay is $300K and goes up from there.
Anonymous
11/27/2025 09:48
Subject: Possible relocation - what would you do?
Anonymous wrote:I know families that have made 3 work. It is not easy, particularly when it is the mother who is living apart. Having more than 1 kid would make this too difficult, but with planning you could probably manage.
Would the 20% increase be enough to cover your travel? If so, I would lean towards that option.